Page 69 of Brood
“We’re trying. We really are. But how are we supposed to just go along with something so…so wrong.”
Bella just looks at me.
“How did you?” I ask in a raspy whisper, leaning closer so no one else can possibly hear. “I don’t understand how all these parents just let it happen. How did you manage it? Do you still…still think about her?”
“Of course I think about her!” Bella’s voice is as quiet as mine is, but it’s thick with an emotion I’ve never heard from her before. “Every day, I think about her. We let it happen because we have no choice. We have no power to stop it.” She breathes for a minute until she’s back to her calm, neutral composure. “But we never forget. We always know which one is ours. We watch from a distance as she gets older. As she gets through school. As she starts working. Finds her gifts and skills. Grows up. Grows beautiful. As she becomes a vibrant, courageous, loving woman. As she has a baby of her own.”
I gasp. Stiffen.
Bella is looking across the room. Not at me. “You find whatever way to get close to her you can, just so you can know and love the person she is. Because she may never know it, but she’ll always be your baby. It never, ever goes away.”
A couple of tears leak out of my eyes. Bella still won’t meet my gaze. I can’t speak. I can barely move.
She finally turns her head back to me. “Cadence, we accept it because it’s the only way to stay alive and to make sure your child grows up safe and secure. There are no other options down here.”
“Bella?” I manage to force out.
She reaches over to cover my hand with hers, but she does it in a casual way. “Please don’t make a scene. Your situation is tenuous enough.”
“But…but…are you…?”
“Of course I am. I always have been. Please try not to cry.”
“I’m not.” I quickly wipe away the stray tears and grip rightly to my control. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“How could I? I was afraid of changing everything for you. And I wanted a secure life down here for both of us. All three of us. Trevor too.”
Trevor. A friendly, laid-back man I’ve known only casually.
My father.
We’re silent for a few minutes. Simply sitting together. Then, finally, I breathe out a thought. “So what are we supposed to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“How are we supposed to…to keep living like this? Acting in ways that aren’t natural because it’s the only way to stay alive? We’re…we’re trapped. It’s been like this for centuries, and there’s no way for a couple of people to change it. The Refuge is the only safe place in the world. There’s nowhere else to go.”
Bella licks her lips. Meets my eyes evenly. “That’s…not entirely true.”
* * *
That evening, after Bun’s last feeding, I return to our quarters to shower and get ready for bed. Will has been reading on the lounge in our living area, but he heads for the bathroom after I come out so he can clean up and go to bed with me.
I’ve been jittery ever since my conversation with Bella, but I haven’t dared to say anything about it until now.
Will knows something is going on. He asked me when he stopped by the nursery to check on me and Bun this afternoon. He asked me again at dinner. And one more time before I headed for the shower.
He’s getting tense and impatient.
But how the fuck am I supposed to say this?
I’m in Will’s bed when he comes out in his underwear. Suddenly terrified, I pull the covers over my head.
He draws them up so he can climb in beside me. Then he ducks his head under the covers like mine, lying on his side so he can see me.
His brown eyes are stern in a way I haven’t seen in a while. They’re almost always warm and gentle with me now. “Tell me, Cadence. Right now.”
I open my mouth and close it again. Swallow and try once more. “I…I don’t know how to say it.”
