Page 52 of Brood
Clingy. Nothing could have pierced a hole into my heart like that one word.
I’ve never been that way. I’ve always stood on my own two feet. Bella and I were right earlier. I’m relying too much on Will.
And he’s obviously starting to recognize it too.
It hurts like an open wound, but I draw all that angst into a tight little ball where I can control it. Where I can pretend it doesn’t exist.
“All right,” I say, only slightly shrill. “That’s fine, then.”
It’s not fine. At all. But I can’t let myself feel again like I felt this afternoon. Like I feel right now. Helpless. Abandoned. Devastated.
“I’m sorry, Cadence.”
“Don’t be. Everything is fine.”
“No, it’s not.”
“I need to go to the bathroom.”
He lets out a hoarse exhale, almost a groan, and gestures toward the bathroom door.
I do need to pee, but mostly I use the time behind the closed door to regain my composure.
It’s not Will’s fault. He’s being smart and making good decisions—ones not based in emotion.
For once in my life, I’ve got to do the same.
It’s early for bed, but I go ahead and get ready anyway. Will is waiting when I emerge in my underwear. He steps out of the way so I can get to the closet to dump my clothes in the hamper.
He’s watching me, but I ignore him. I sit on the side of my bed.
Eventually, he disappears into the bathroom too and comes out in just his underwear.
He sits on his bed across the room from me. Stares at me soberly.
“We can have sex if you want,” I say at last.
He flinches like I punched him.
Neither one of us says a word for the rest of the night.
* * *
The following morning Will is silent and bristly, and I’m still so hurt, I can’t unclench enough to even pretend to act normally.
On my way to the kitchen for my morning shift, Dr. Cameron catches me in the hall.
“Good news, peaches.”
I blink up at him, momentarily bewildered since my thoughts have been focused on Will.
“You’re pregnant.”
I’m hit with a wave of excitement followed immediately by another wave that’s bitter and heavy. I’ve wanted this for so long, but I always thought it would feel different. And lately I assumed Will would be with me in the process, but that assumption wasn’t based in reality. “Oh.”
“You’ll need to make an appointment with me in the next day or two so we can make a health and behavior plan for you.”
I’m feeling so much, my hands are shaking. I hide them by hugging my arms to my chest. “O-okay. I will.”
