Page 45 of Brood
“Being allowed to marry you is not any sort of punishment, Cadence. He’s the luckiest man in this whole fucking place.”
I smile, softening at her annoyed tone. I’ve never heard her use that language before, and it touches me unexpectedly. “Thanks for that. But it was so sudden. And losing a spouse like that must have been incredibly hard. It took him a while to…to get used to things. Now he’s sometimes kind of quiet and grumpy, but he’s never…he’s never mean. And he’s definitely never hurt me.”
“Okay, good. I didn’t get that sense of him, but you never know. Men sometimes hide those parts of themselves.”
“Not Will.”
Bella’s expression has relaxed. She must believe me. “That’s good. I’m sorry if I offended you.”
“You didn’t—” I cut off my own objection because it’s simply not the truth.
She slants me an amused look. “I still want to know what you’re hiding.”
“I’m not hiding anything.” I stare down at my half-finished bowl of stew. Then over at the table where Will usually eats. He’s still not here.
He’s usually right on time for dinner. Something must have happened to delay him.
“Then why won’t you talk about him like you used to?”
I shift my eyes back to her face and see genuine concern there. I cave. “I don’t know. Honestly. Things are…they’re good. It just feels…feels private for some reason. I don’t know why. Like I don’t want everyone to know.”
“We’re not talking about everyone. We’re talking aboutme.”
“I know. I’m sorry if I’ve been cagey. We’re still trying to get pregnant, so that’s been disappointing. But everything else is…” Instead of finishing the sentence, I blush.
“You like him,” Bella murmurs, her eyebrows lifting.
“Of course I do. He’s my spouse.”
“But it’s more than that. You really like him. When did that happen?”
I glance around the room and see Chief Brody looking at me. It’s probably a coincidence—a passing glance—but there’s a characteristic disapproval on his face, like he’s silently judging me for my silliness.
I turn away and check Bella’s expression, but there’s nothing there that indicates she disapproves. She almost looks excited. “I don’t know. It’s just been…gradual. But I do. I like him.” My cheeks are still burning as I idly stir my stew.
“Why are you embarrassed about it?”
“I don’t know. Everyone else is so matter-of-fact about their marriages, and I feel… I don’t know. You don’t think it’s too silly and emotional?”
“To have good feelings for your spouse? Absolutely not. Cadence, I’ve told you before—you can’t take all these instructions about being stoic so seriously. There’s nothing wrong with feeling things.”
“I guess. But these feelings are…” I gulp.
“They’re what?”
“They make me feel…out of control.”
The corner of her mouth tilts up just slightly. “Do they?”
“And I’m not talking about arousal. I know that’s necessary for having babies. I mean…” I lean over and whisper, “Sometimes I imagine something bad happens to him and almost start to cry.”
She reaches over and puts a hand on my forearm. “You think you’re the only one who feels that way?”
“I don’t know. No one else ever talks about it.” I pause. “Do you feel that way for Trevor?”
She shrugs. “Yes. It took a long time for me. For us. The first few years, we didn’t really mesh. But we’ve been together for more than twenty years now. We…our feelings get used to things. Adapt. I can’t imagine my life without him. When I think about him gone, I cry too.”
My eyes burn at the slight edge of angst in her otherwise-dry tone.
