Page 42 of First
“Lara,” Lennart tells his sister through gritted teeth, “not now. We’re busy with?—”
“You may not realize this, Lennart, given that you have no olfaction whatsoever, but Sof needs a bathnow,” she hisses at her brother. The subtext is so obvious, he doesn’t object to her dragging me toward her room.
And given my current feelings toward Lennart, a break from each other is probably the best for us.
I wonder whether I can confide in Lara. Tell her the truth about what happened. Sure, she’s sometimes unable to stand up to her family, but she’s always been just as much my friend as Lennart’s sister. This may be what I really need—to be told by someone rational, someone who can understand Alpha-Omega dynamics, that Gabriel is a piece of shit, that what he did was wrong, that it matters nothing whether he smells good or doesn’t. When the metal door to her room slides closed and she turns to me, I’ve made up my mind to be honest with her.
But she must have done the same, because she clutches my upper arm, and with her head bent toward mine, she whispers, “You are in danger.”
I swallow. “It’s fine. It wasn’t as bad as you probably think. The general?—”
“No, you don’t understand. It’s myfamilythat is the danger.” Her eyes are shiny, like she’s on the brink of tears. There are dark circles around them, but her expression is determined. “Your scent has changed. Significantly.”
“I know. Gabriel and I?—”
“No, Sof.” She takes both my hands in hers. “Your scent haschanged. You no longer smell like a Beta. It’s like you just went through presenting all over again, only this time for real. Are your glands itching?”
“No,” I say automatically. But then my hand finds the side of my neck. “Maybe just a little, but?—”
“That’s good. It means you’re not too close to a heat.”
“Close to a what?” Laughter dies in my throat when I notice how serious her expression is.
“Listen carefully. When you left, all Hel broke loose. My father wants a new general to be installed, and he’s going to do something very, very unwise, very soon, and… Honestly, fuck him. That’s not the problem. Not now. Not the biggest one. Sof, Lennart was very…distressed while you were gone. I overheard my mother trying to calm him down. He was screaming. He was worried about you going without a…” She swallows. “Without a dose of something. About something running out.”
“I… What?”
“I confronted my mother last night. I asked her if there was some medication that you needed. I recalled that years ago, back when you still lived with your dad, you used to take that vitamin D supplement because you weren’t exposed to the light enough.”
“The one your mother kept buying for me, yes. But what?—”
“I figured that’s what you needed, so I offered to bring it to you in the military wing, but Mom told me that I’d misheard. She ordered me never to speak of it again. But, Sof, I know what I heard. And when I thought it through, I realized that you hadn’t been taking that supplement in years, anyway. I could not understand why Mom would be so cagey, but then Lennart brought you back, and the second you were nearby, I could smell you. It’s like your previous scent but dozens of times stronger. Like everything that you always were just broke through a dam. And you know I love my mother, but I think… Sofia, I think she may have done something terrible.”
She lets my hands go as tears slide down both her cheeks.
I would like to cry, too. Maybe there would be some relief in that. But I am too busy taking in Lara’s words and reconstructing what really happened, the enormity of it, the complexity of such deceit.
Lady Larsen did send over boxes of supplements when I was younger. She cared about my health because I was such a good friend to Lennart, and she pointed out that people who lived on the middle and lower levels often had vitamin deficiencies. I was a healer in training, and I knew it to be true. So, when she began buying me something that I couldn’t have otherwise afforded, I felt only gratitude.
And, of course, I took the pills religiously.
Once I moved to the Larsen wing, she stopped buying the pills for me. It made sense, since I was no longer developing and had access to better nutrition. I can’t imagine what Lady Larsen and Lennart may have been referring to, because for the past few years, there were no vitamins. No pills or supplements. There were just…
Our nightly chats. That we always had over tea. Lady Larsen, coming to check on me every night. The feeling of being loved, and valued, and cared for—that this must be what having a mother would be like.
When was the last time I drank that tea? She poured me some on the day of the ceremony, but my stomach was upset from anxiety, and I didn’t have any. Not the night before either, because I spent it in Lara’s rooms. Nor the previous one. It must have been three or four days ago, which means that if she was giving me some sort of suppressant drug, depending on the frequency and the dosage…
“Lara?” I say at last, feeling eerily calm. I am on the verge of something thunderous, but first I need to be sure.
“Yeah?”
“Will you help me?”
“Anything.Anything, Sof.” She wipes the back of a hand under her eyes. “I’m so sorry about what she?—”
“This medicine, or drug, where would your mother keep it?”
“I don’t know. Her quarters, maybe?” She sniffles. “Yes, it has to be there.”
