Page 46 of A Copenhagen Snowmance
She coughs a laugh. “She fucked my partner. Don’t be ridiculous.”
ChapterTwenty
Anna always appreciates the early daylight hours in a city, before it properly wakes up. In Copenhagen the tourist throngs don’t really start until ten when the shops open, and the hours before are the domain of commuters, cycling in droves to their places of work with speed and intent, even in the December darkness, an urgent flow that no tourists have any business being part of anyway. Bumbling sightseers cause accidents on the cycle lanes, and there will be sweary shouts at the very least.
It’s gone eight-thirty, the winter sun bleeding its pale yellow into the blue. The air’s frigid, but fresh. Recent days aside, she’s always been an early riser, often venturing out in cities when researching, enjoying the sounds of communities waking up, sniffing at the air which always feels fresher. She’s curated tours of dawn activities; watching catches being brought in and auctioned in small fishing ports, seeing flower markets bloom to life or her favourite– the pre-opening bakery tour. This one was born from nostalgia, Morfar having taken her, when she woke stupidly early, along to the baker for the freshly baked bread, treating her to arosinbolle, or atebirkes, for the walk back. A raisin bun or the flat poppy-seeded pastry withremoncefilling was her favourite way to start the day. When she’s not researching, she’ll often use the time for a run, like this morning, because it clears her head.
Anna’s walked or run around the lakes more times in her life than she can count. Three narrow, manmade lakes, running in a line from Gammel Kongevej to Østerbrogade, forming the western edge of the inner city, they lie just at the end of her road and across Øster Søgade.
Hermormorwould take her around them when she was little and visiting with Ida. When she moved in with them, she would either walk around them of her own accord, or if Morfar sent her to do so when in a teenage snit. She’d harrumpf out of the house but secretly be pleased with the idea. She’d pop on her headphones and walk the 6.35 km, letting the wind slough off her mood. Just as her grandparents knew it would, because they had done exactly the same at various points in their own lives.
Scanning the edge of the lakes as far as she can see, Anna checks Carl isn’t out running, too, then does a quick stretch before starting her route. Guided by today’s wind direction, she chooses to run clockwise around, heading towards the planetarium at the far end, to run along Svineryggen, the “swine’s back”, and then Peblinge Dossering on the far side to cross back over at Fredensgade. She could shorten it at two points, with bridges in between, but feels she needs the longer run. Still, it’s always good to have options if she sees someone she doesn’t want to see.
She tries to keep her eyes front and centre as she runs, wanting to be focused, but is constantly distracted by familiar sights as she passes; small, mundane things she hasn’t thought of in a year and a half, but which are embedded in the tapestry of her memories of this route. A kiosk on a corner, a closed-for-winter pedalo-rental booth, a particular bench she and Maiken would hang around on. Anna pushes the thought of Maiken away, but it simply moves her on to the locket and what she should do with it. Posting it would feel like an admission of guilt. Anna has zero desire to admit any guilt. She imagines Jamie giving her a raised brow. He’s really blessed with that brow, she thinks, her feet pounding the shore path. In fact, he’s pretty blessed with the entire face.
And just like that her head is filled with him. His height, his hair, his voice, his eyes, his jaw, the stubble on that jaw, his lips, his nose at her ear and his breath on her skin, the warmth of his embrace, the dance of his tongue with hers. Just thinking about all of it brings a smile to her face and heat to her belly, which is stupid, she tells herself, when she’s resolved that he is not to be pursued. These thoughts aren’t helping her. They won’t help her when it comes to leaving. She ups her speed as punishment, hoping it will take her out of these intrusive thoughts. She was supposed to be clearing her head, not compacting it with more thoughts about him. On she runs, counting her footfall just to keep her brain in check, regretting taking the longer route now, as it doesn’t seem to be working, storming across the bridge to pound her way back, wondering whether Jamie will be in when she gets there, maybe with tea, perhaps with cake, or at the jigsaw– dammit! Back to the counting…
The sun shines pale against the blue sky, a welcome reminder of what Spring will bring, but the crisp cold of the air says there’s a way to go yet. It’s beautiful as it shines through the naked trees, casting them in silhouette, highlighted by the snow blanket on the lake shores. The lakes haven’t fully frozen this year, not yet at least and not enough for the police to allow skating, but there’s enough of an ice layer for the winter birds to have a rink for themselves. The sun also silhouettes the people coming herway, as Anna hasn’t had the foresight to bring her sunglasses. Which is why she doesn’t at first recognise the blonde woman who passes her, then halts and says hername.
Anna, possibly glad of the excuse, has stopped before she can remember there’s a list of friends she’s ghosted since she left. Too late now. It’s not a friend, though. Shuffling the face and the context around in her head takes a moment, which the woman clearly spots.
“Lajla,” she reintroduces herself. “We met the other day.” Oh, yes. Her long blonde hair is up today in the loose topknot favoured by so many Copenhageners, but now Anna knows, of course she can see it’s her– those high cheekbones are remarkable. She’s beautiful. Not quite Ice Queen– tricky when your face is rosy from the chill– but still regal, as Anna had first thought, and she feels like a bumpkin in contrast. The hotch-potch of running clothes foraged from her “leftovers” wardrobe is not helping. Jamie might think he was out of Lajla’s league, but Anna disagrees, at least on a visual level. Lajla may be a little older than him, but while Anna and Jamie are being heralded as adorable in their internet pics, he and Lajla would be the stuff of magazines.
“You were with Jamie,” Lajla adds somewhat awkwardly. Considering it was Lajla who stoppedher, not the other way around, it strikes Anna as strange that she comes across as discomfited.
“Hej,” she says, for some reason wanting to put her at ease. Which is odd, as she should be suspicious. This is the woman who shut Jamie down and now won’t talk to him, despite him turning out to be one of the nicest guys Anna knows.
Anna looks about her. “Little girl at nursery?” she asks, assuming Lajla is on her way to work.
Lajla’s brow draws in. “No, she’s with hermormor.” It makes Anna smile.
“Lucky her. The best times!”
And that makes Lajla smile. “Of course. She’ll be eating lots ofsmåkagerand never being told no. But it gets me a couple of hours to myself. I have the morning off and some Christmas shopping to do.”
Anna nods understanding but can’t quite think what to say next. They don’t actually know each other, and she doesn’t quite think it’s her place to ask her about Jamie.
As it turns out, Lajla has that covered.
“I want to ask you. What do you think about Jamie?”
This puts Anna on edge. In Lajla’s eyes, she’s Jamie’s new girlfriend. But given Lajla’s his ex, this means they’re standing in what could be a catfight. “In what way?” she asks carefully.
“Do you think he’s a good man?” That must be one of the weirdest questions. Either she’s genuinely asking, in which case Anna thinks Lajla should have made up her own opinion before hooking up with him at that conference,orshe’s sounding Anna out in a “Are you aware that your boyfriend is Satan?” kind of way. Is she warning Anna of something?
Lajla looks away at the lake, deliberating. “He wants to meet with me, to discuss… well, to talk about things, and I have refused. I didn’t expect him to show up here. I didn’t really expect to ever see him again.”
“He has mentioned it,” Anna says, partly wanting to prompt her on, but also wanting to show that her relationship with Jamie,the fake one, is one where they share things. Like grown-ups, sound and comfortable in their firmly-founded, unrockable relationship. Having been cheated on by Carl, Anna is also finding the concept of Jamie asking to see his ex troubling, when in reality it isn’t– Anna has no claim on him. He isn’t cheating on her or trying to. Good lord, you’d think she was feeling vaguely jealous. She needs to keep things in those distinct boxes.
“Heisa good man,” she states, determined. She wants to fight Jamie’s corner. She owes him and she’s agreed to his fake-dating plan. She needs to convince Lajla he isn’t interested in her anymore, just like he says. “He’s dependable, funny and honest. I adore him.” She adds in for good measure, “He adores me, too.” OK. She regrets that popping out. It sounds rather twee, but she’s on the spot and improv was never her thing.
For some reason this still doesn’t make Lajla relax.
“He wants to know Nikoline,” Lajla suddenly says and Anna is hit by the feeling she’s supposed to know who Nikoline is. Ah yes– because she and Jamie share everything, being grown-ups, etc., etc.
“And you don’t think he should?” Anna ventures, hedging her bets.
Looking back to her, Lajla sighs. “I wanted a child. For so long. But the sperm banks are expensive, and I’d already tried three times.” These were not words Anna was expecting to hear next, and she’s sure she’s missed a chapter, but having started to explain, Lajla’s words now come tumbling. “And then I met Jamie in Edinburgh. I was there for work. I had read all his papers, and he was the keynote speaker. He’s kind of a big deal in city sustainability. I guess I was a bit starstruck.” This almost makes Anna laugh, how they both see themselves, but she holds it in. “I mean we were attracted to each other, so it was a fun week, but also…” She trails off, clearly uncomfortable with what she’s about to say. Anna feels her eyes are wide. Lajla pulls herself together, standing straighter and almost indignant. “I got lucky. But it was never my intention to trap him in any way. I’ve never asked him for money or a minute of his time. I was always going to do this on my own. He wasn’t supposed to know about it. After all, he lived in Scotland, and I live here. I didn’t see there would be any problem.” Lajla’s stance is supposed to show Anna she doesn’t regret her actions and that she stands by them, yet here she is, defending them. But not to Jamie.
