Page 33 of Ava's Love of the Dragons
His gaze landed on her lips and she felt even hotter. She remembered the kiss. The stolen, forbidden kiss. They shouldn't have. Kilian had to marry the princess, or the dragons would die.
And with them, her beloved Draco.
"I need to train." She withdrew her hand, turned around, and rushed off. And this time she really ran. She ran as fast as a sprinter wanting to win the gold medal, ran like someone possessed, ran and ran, away from the arena, away from Kilian, away from her feelings. But they were too present, the touch, his gaze, everything came with her, even though she had desperately wanted to leave it behind. It overwhelmed her like an unstoppable force and she had nothing to counter it.
They couldn't be together. Her parents had abandoned her. Her parents hadn't wanted her. She hadn't been valuable enough. She hadn't been enough. She wasn't enough for Kilian either. And every time she let others in, when she dared to trust, she ended up in the same place. In the middle of a pile of shards, alone, destroyed. Her parents had left her. Had abandoned her like a toy they had grown tired of.
Rob had abandoned her, just because he believed she endangered the dragon world. Maybe she did, because it was abundantly clear that Kilian felt the same way about her as she did about him. Yet she was here. Because the dragons needed her. Draco needed her, Lilly needed her. And she needed herself too. Her true self. Her uninhibited self. Her self in all its authenticity with all its feelings, strengths, and weaknesses.
She ran and ran, ran through the forest and up rocks, jumped over streams, sticks, stones, waded through rivers, overcame fallen tree trunks and fought her way through thorny bushes. Nothing could stop her. She ran and ran, sweat glistening on her forehead, while she thought incessantly: I'm not enough. When I let others in, I always get hurt.
That was why she was a loner. That was why she had wanted to stay away from everything. That was why she hadn't been able to accept her destiny—because it couldn't possibly be true.
Not her! She wasn't a chosen one! She was just Ava!
Tears ran down her cheeks, mixing with her sweat. But she didn't feel it, she let everything out, screamed, cried, screamed even louder and ran, ran, ran.
At some point, she felt Draco calling for her. He had been calling for a while, but only now did she notice him. She slowed down and looked around. She was standing in a forest clearing, the stars glittering above her. It was the middle of the night.
How long had she been running?
"Ava, are you okay?"
She wasn't ready to answer him yet, so she just sent him a warm feeling like an embrace, so he wouldn't worry. Then she simply sat down in the meadow and looked up at the firmament.
She remembered the ride on Kilian's dragon, just like she did every time she looked at the stars. The closeness they had shared, the boundless free feeling, the warmth. Back then, she hadn't known yet that they couldn't be together—but she also hadn't consciously realized that she would have wanted that.
She sighed. How much had she overlooked because she'd been too cowardly? Because she'd hidden all feelings, suppressed them, buried them deep inside in order to be strong?
But she had never been strong. Just weak.
Along with the feelings for Kilian, the emotions she had felt as a child and eventually suppressed had settled in her heart.The feeling of not being enough and therefore being abandoned by her parents. Not being lovable.
She bowed her head.
What if her parents had come from this world? What if something had happened and they had wanted to save Ava and therefore taken her away? If they had been left with no choice but to leave her in order to protect her life?
She couldn't rule that out. Especially not since she knew that this world existed, that she played a special role, and consequently her ancestors must have come from this world. And she could only take on this special role because her parents had taken her away.
She didn't know what had happened back then. But wasn't it conceivable that her parents had seen no other option?
Maybe they hadn't arbitrarily abandoned her in the forest but had chosen Aunt Helen in advance as her foster aunt and therefore left her at that exact spot on that exact day when Helen was walking there. So that Ava would be found. So that she wouldn't be alone.
She didn't know, but it was possible.
And maybe... maybe her parents had done exactly that because they did love her after all. So much that they had even accepted leaving her behind to protect her life.
Life was so much more complex, multi-layered, and intertwined than was apparent at first glance. How could she see it all and understand her parents' motives, when she knew nothing about them, barely anything about the prophecy, and just a little about this dragon world? And this realization gave her the peace she longed for.
Slowly she stood up, her gaze still fixed on the stars. "I accept my destiny."
Only after the words had left her lips did she realize she had spoken them aloud. They made their way into the forest, thewind carrying them away and proclaiming them in all directions. As this happened, a final tear rolled down her cheek and at the same time a smile played on her lips.
As she slowly turned her gaze from the stars and looked at the clearing, Master Clark stood before her. He leaned on his staff, observed her attentively, and nodded with satisfaction.
"We'll see each other tomorrow before sunrise in the arena."
Chapter 16
