Page 63 of Fate's Sweetest Curse
I had spent the past couple nights tossing and turning, only to give up on sleep entirely and study by candlelight instead. For the first time since my studies began, I wasaheadon my schoolwork—but I couldn’t avoid sleep forever. I was half asleep now, swaying on my feet in the gauzy warmth of the greenhouse lab. The rain persisted outside the windows, tapping on the glass, but in here, the garden was lush and peaceful.
Noble was standing at the opposite end of the half-circle, slightly apart from the rest of the research team. He wore a green shirt today, the color of his eyes. He was looking at Phina, nodding along, but his hips and shoulders were angled in my direction, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was aware that even though he was listening to someone else, his body was pointed right at me.
I care more than you know, more than what’s allowed, more than I should.
Fates, how long had I waited for him to say such things to me?
Alone with him in that tunnel, I had been vibrating, speechless, dizzy. He hadn’t given me a chance to respond before storming off—which was probably for the best. There had been a very real chance of me throwing myself at him—rules be damned—but this was clearly not the time for impulsive behavior.
Unfortunately, it wasneverthe time for impulsive behavior.
Still, his admission had caused me to see our history in a new light.
When we were teenagers, I’d thought it was Noble’s feelings that kept us apart, but what if it hadonlybeen propriety? He had grown up around royals, lived on our castle grounds, endeavored to one day serve my family as his father did—but he had not beenone of us. Noble’s father might’ve thought him undisciplined at times, but even as a boy, Noble had possessed a strong sense of self-awareness; he’d been a rule-breaker, but never reckless. And while I could afford to be careless with my heart, Noble didn’t have that luxury.
I could see now how he had led me to assume that the thing keeping him from getting closer to me was his own preference—but even when I’d professed my love for him at seventeen, he hadn’t told me he didn’t love me back. He’d said that Ishouldn’tlove him. Icouldn’t. Feeling rejected, it had never occurred to me that he might not have beenallowedto reciprocate. That the burden of keeping us apart had fallen to him by default, because of his station.
I’m happy to take the blame for you, if it makes you feel better—but just because we’re better off apart doesn’t mean I relish the idea.
How had I been so clueless?
But that had beenmyrole to play, hadn’t it? An oblivious, high-born girl.
Well, I was certainly no longer that girl.
Where did that leave us now, though? We didn’t have guardians or court decorum keeping us apart any longer, but we did have my secret. We’d both acted like it was this huge mountain between us, blocking our view of each other, but what were the actual chances of someone uncovering who I was if I stopped avoiding Noble? It’s not like associating with him immediately gave anything away; in fact, as far as Phina was concerned, we knew each other fromWaldron, not Marona.
So why was I still resisting him? Why was he resistingme? There had to be more to it than muscle memory from childhood—or perhaps nothing to it at all. Maybe my sleepless mind and intense feelings were cloudingmy recollection of our conversation. He hadn’t told me he wanted me romantically; he’d said he cared. There was a chasm of difference between those two words.
You’re wrong, he’d said.About how I felt back then. About how I feel now.
Whatdidhe feel, exactly?
I glanced in Noble’s direction again, breath catching when I found him already looking at me. Ever since our conversation, my stomach had felt like it was attached to Noble by a tether. Even now, I felt a firm tug in his direction, like I was an anchor and he was a ship reeling me in. My spine straightened, and his gaze flicked over my throat and collarbones. When he met my eyes again, he raised a quizzical eyebrow.
“Hattie?”
I flinched, realizing Phina had been speaking to me.
“Are you listening?” my professor asked, resting her tattooed hands on her hips.
I rubbed my tired eyes. “I’m sorry, Professor Farkept,” I said, “I haven’t been sleeping. Do you mind repeating?”
“You are to review Viren’s research,” Phina enunciated, “see where she left off.”
“I…what?”
“Did you not hear me that time, either?”
“No, I heard you, I just…” It was as Viren predicted: Phina, bringing me deeper into the fold. My thoughts fluttered as chaotically as a swarm of butterflies. I felt like I had no choice but to nod. “I’ll do my best.”
“Good.” Phina clapped her hands once. “Let’s get to work.”
The group began to break up, apprentices whispering to one another as they went to their respective stations throughout the lab. I stood still, watching everyone scatter. Noble was still looking at me; he hesitated for a moment, as if he was considering coming over—thenhe frowned and headed in the direction of his workshop. Back to ignoring me, apparently.
As he walked away, I felt that tug in my stomach again. But I was not in a place to face him or this strange connection between us. I needed to focus on my studies.
I walked over to Phina, who was just finishing a conversation with another apprentice. When she turned to me, I smiled sheepishly.
