Page 56 of Her Wicked Knights
Rev jumps when I put my hands on his arms, his whole body tensing and his sobs ceasing as he holds his breath.
"It's just me." I assure him, even though he obviously knows that. I flex my fingers on his biceps just enough to give him an indicator of what I'm going for.
To my surprise, Rev doesn't resist me. There's no need to prove himself in any way, no walls up as he leans back, letting me take his weight in my arms.
This feels too intimate a thing to do with my best friend, but this is an intimate moment. Rev is vulnerable, hurt. For some reason, what happened at the church affected him worse than it did Colton and me. It's fucked that we're not all falling apart, that any of us can live with ourselves when we had a hand in someone else's life ending. But we need to get it together, because if we don't, then it will have been for nothing. Marley will die, and then we'llallfall apart.
The thought of a life without Marley makes my chest ache. It's like someone carved out my heart, and the irony of that isn't lost on me. Whit said we needed a real sacrifice... to give up something of value. But she isn't just a thing of value. She is everything.
Well, maybe noteverything.
I run my hand over Rev's wet hair, keeping it from plastering to his skin as he lays in my lap, his head cradled against my stomach.
Something is telling me that this is crossing lines I have no business crossing. This is wrong, isn't it? Something is telling me it is.
But why? If it's wrong, why does it feel so damn right?
Because once the initial thought fades and I force my mind to empty... Once I focus on nothing beyond what I can feel with the water raining on my skin, soaking my clothes to my body and Rev's solid weight shifting ever so slightly as his desperate sobs begin to slow...
It feels as natural as breathing.
29
Marley
Theysaythatitgets easier.
When my parent's died, everyone had something to say. Most of it was unhelpful, but it was at least nice to know that people cared. Apologizing does nothing when you're not the one responsible, and apologizing for my feelings is stupid. And yet, that was what almost everyone said.
"I'm so sorry."
"I'm sorry for your loss."
"I'm sorry."
None of it did anything to change anything, or brought my parents back from the dead, or made the pain any less. And I was stupid enough to believe them when they said it gets easier. It's been almost a year, and it's not easier. The pain is still there, like a bullet wound beneath a band aid. I'm bleeding out, but pretending I'm fine, because what other choice do I have?
The days go by faster when I pretend I'm fine. When I get out of bed and get dressed and go out with Audrey, I can pretend I am okay, even if I'm not reallythere. Then the days pass instead of feeling like they're stuck in suspended animation, and I canhold onto the hope that maybe they were all right after all, that it does get easier, but it's just not yet. That it will get easier in a week, or three or two months.
That is all that gets me through... all that got me through the rest of my senior year, through graduation, and through summer.
I quit working at The Dive, and I want to look for work somewhere else, but I've been too tired to go out and interview anywhere. I just need something temporary, something to make the time pass. I took a gap year because I'm not wasting my parents' money on classes I can't pay attention to, and I know I can't pay attention. I've had a hard time focusing on much of anything the last few months; my thoughts tend to break away from every task I give them eventually, and I always end up thinking about that night, about who would do this, about whether they're together, whether dad had to watch mom die. That alone would have killed him, and then he'd have died twice. God, I fucking hope not.
Hadley also took a year off college, which is weird considering she only had one year left. I suppose I should be grateful to her for keeping me out of the foster system, but I overheard Mrs. Archer offering to adopt me if Hadley wanted to go back to college. I expected her to jump at the chance, honestly, but for whatever reason, Hadley refused. It's weird, given that she seems miserable. We've never fought as much as we have in the year since she moved back home and took over the house. She's always on edge, and I'm always tired, and it's just resulted in us circling each other like fighters in a cage, waiting for the other to make the first move.
"I'm staying out tonight." I tell her as I walk past her seated at the kitchen table with papers spread out around her. "Don't wait up."
"You're staying out?" Her head snaps up from whatever she was looking at. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Really?" I laugh, eyeing her. "Why? Cause you don't want me to have a life?"
It's petulant, but she's been stifling. I can't go anywhere without her texting me asking when I'll be back, if I'm okay, how far away am I, who's with me. Assuring my sister I'm fine has become a full time job, and I'm not fucking fine, but I need her to think I am or else she's insufferable.
"Because there's a killer out there, Marley. I didn't think I had to remind you, but you've clearly forgotten our parents were murdered!"
I gasp, faking shock. "What? No! When?"
Hadley rolls her eyes. "And before them, there was Jenny."
