Page 52 of Keep Me Still
I want to say his name again and again, let it linger in my mouth. In the tiny space between us. But when his mouth finds my breast and he begins the same worshipful process on my nipples that he performed on my clit earlier, I’m unable to recall my own name, much less his. Noises are coming out of me. I hear them, but I can’t control them.
I can feel his hard length rubbing steadily against me, and I can take this anymore. I need him inside of me to fill my hollow ache, press against my pulsing muscles, and push me over the edge.
“Underwear,” I say, even though I’m not exactly in an ideal position to be giving orders.
“Yes, ma’am,” he mumbles into thedip between my breasts. After he yanks his underwear the rest of the way off, he leans down and picks up his jeans. At first I’m confused, but when he pulls out his black leather wallet, I know what he’s looking for. And this is the tricky part. Because he might say no.
I sit up and put my hand on the one he has reaching into his wallet. “I just want to feel you, only you, with nothing between us.”
His eyes go so wide that it’s probably painful. “But babe—“
“I know, okay? I paid attention in health class. But I’m on the pill. Aunt Kate insisted, and….I trust you.”
“Layla,” he whispers, seeming lost.
“Please? Just the first time,” I beg.
“I’ve never done it without a condom,” he tells me, making me want it that much more.
He’s thinking it over and I decide just to leave it up to him. He knows what I want, but I’ll take whatever he decides to give me. I pull my hand away and lie back on the pillows, waiting.
I watch as my lost boy swallows hard and puts his wallet on the nightstand. “Just this once.”
I notice that he’s unsteady, and for once, I’m not. His hands press into the pillow on either side of my head as he braces himself above me. “Okay,” I whisper.
“It’s going to hurt at first. I’m sorry. I’ll be careful with you,” he promises. His eyes meet mine and I see the panic in them. The steady throb inside of me pulses more intently, and I’m not exactly sure I want him to be careful with me.
Reaching up, I put both of my hands on his upper arms, feeling the steady quiver in them. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe, I promise.”
He smiles, looking down at me from under those thick, dark lashes, and the quivering subsides. “Guess it’s your turn to keep me still,” he says, and I want to laugh. Or cry. Or both. Three very dangerous words threaten from behind my teeth but I hold them in. We’ll deal with that later. For now, he’s mine and I’m his.
And that’s all that matters.
Reaching my hands up higher and placing them on either side of his face I stare into his eyes until reality shifts and we’re connected on a level that surpasses the physical realm. “I want to keep you always.”
He nods without breaking eye contact and something passes between us that bonds us even more than our bodies are about to.
“Oh God,” I moan as his thick, swollen head parts my folded flesh, stroking up and down from cleft to center and I almost lose it.
“You’re so wet, baby. That should help ease the pain, I promise.”
I can’t speak so I nod. I trust him.
A guttural sound tears from his lips as he presses slowly into me.Oh my dear Lord in Heaven. It hurts, worse than I expected. I’m consumed by the pressure of him, pinching and tearing into me. A pained whimper from low in my stomach pushes past my lips, and Landen freezes above me.
“I’m okay,” I try to assure him but I’m not really. His eyes blaze down into mine, but he doesn’t move. Something’s wrong. “Landen? I’m okay. Really. Please don’t stop.”
“Say you want me,” he says, ferocity changing his voice to one I don’t recognize.
I clench, desperately trying to cling to him as he starts to pull out of me, and I’m torn, in more ways than one. It hurt, but now that he’s been inside of me…I can’t stand the feeling of him not being inside of me. “I want you,” I tell him, need thickening my own voice.
“Say you want me here, Layla. Say you’re glad that I’m here.” It’s a plea and a command, and I don’t know where he’s going with this.
I’m turned on and scared at the same time. Why is he angry all of the sudden? Reaching up to touch his face once more as I wrap my legs around him, I do as he says. “I want you here, Landen. I’m glad you’re here.”I love you.
And then I kiss him, needy for his mouth in so many ways. He groans again as he slides himself all the way back into me. I’m raw and aching, but when the tip of him hits that spot in me, every tense muscle in my body softens around him.
“Landen,” I whimper, his name straining out of me as I lift my hips until our hipbones chafe against each other. “Yes, please,oh God, yes.”
