Page 49 of Keep Me Still
“Not to be a jerk, but your roommate seems like the kind of girl who can handle herself. In fact, maybe I should be worried about Skylar.” It’s a joke and I expect her to laugh but she flinches back and glares her ass off at me.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I didn’t mean anything bad. She’s seems like a tough chick, that’s all.” I grin. “She’s instilled fear in my cold, dead heart on more than one occasion. And I was raised by a man who was specially trained by high-ranking government officials in how to instill fear.”
“Oh. I thought you meant that she seemed slutty or something.” Her cheeks flush and she offers me a small smile.
Yeah, okay, that too. But I’m not stupid enough to say it out loud. I shrug. “No, but I’m not a big fan of that term anyways. Girls can like sex and do what they want without me trying to label them for it. In fact, uh, before you, those were my favorite types of girls.”
No. Dammit. Words, come back.Why did I say that? Oh yeah, because I’m being honest and trying to make triple sure I don’t get laid tonight. Got it.
“Oh really?” Layla says with a grin, but she pulls her knees up to her chest, and I know I’m ruining everything. I know because I’m doing it on purpose.
“Yeah, I mean, what’s wrong with a girl who knows what she’s doing? And who doesn’t have a ton of expectations? I always knew it was only a matter of time until I moved again, so why bother with anything with potential? You see where that got us.”
“It got us here,” she says so low I almost don’t hear her. “Is here so awful for you?”
No.Yes. Fuck. I need to punch something. To go for a run until I don’t have energy to think or feel or give a shit. I almost laugh at the irony. I cut my father out of my life after the divorce but I can’t cut him out of my head. Without him around to punish me, I punish myself.
“You weren’t too happy to see me at orientation. Or at the club.” I shrug like her turning away from me didn’t cut me deep a hundred times over.
“It was a surprise, that’s all.”
“And not a good one, right? Because of that night, because I left.”
She sighs and twirls the tie-string on her robe. “Because I wasconfused,Landen. My feelings for you have always been overwhelming and new and…scary.” She whispers the last word and I’m hit with so many emotions I can’t respond right away. The very same emotions I’ve learned to shove down so far they never show.
“Why?”
Her adorable little nose scrunches. “Why what?”
“Why are you scared?” I ask her, brushing her still slightly damp hair back behind her ear. Like I don’t know. Like I’m not two heartbeats from running out of here to keep us from doing what we both know we’re going to do. That’s why I tried to put the breaks on. We need to talk, hash out the truth before going any further. But I’m selfish, like the Colonel says. So I stay put.
“Honestly? You know how it was for me in Hope Springs. I was isolated, ignored, and frankly, I was managing because part of it was my fault. I liked them giving my space at first, and by the time I wanted to reach out…it was too late. I was getting through, but that’s all I was doing—justgetting throughmy life, going through the motions on autopilot.” A sadness that tightens my chest, making it impossible to swallow, washes over her face. “And then you showed up. And you sawme. You thought there was something wrong with them, and even after you learned about the five-piece set of emotional baggage I was carrying, you still wanted to be my friend. And more. And you made me feel things again. Things I hadn’t felt since before my parents died. And things I’d never felt period.”
“And then I left,” I mutter, disgusted at myself all over again.
She huffs out a breath and finally releases the string she’s been twisting. “You did what you had to do. I see that now. How would you have felt if you’d sent your mom back to Colorado alone? And, God forbid, how would you and the Colonel have lived together? One of you wouldn’t have made it out alive.”
She’s more right than she knows, but now’s not the time. She’s scooched herself closer to me on the futon, and her robe has fallen open. Under her small gray t-shirt I can see the outline of her breasts and it’s distracting as hell. Not to mention the tiny plaid shorts that barely cover her smooth thighs. Aw hell, now my voice is cracking and shaking the same way hers did. “I wanted to come back. I had plans for us to meet up halfway and maybe go on Spring Break together but…”
“But I shut you out,” she finishes for me. “Because I was hurt. And there was some other stuff going on, medical stuff that just…had me starting back at square one. Back to going through the motions. And if I let you back in I would’ve had to feel. And I really didn’t want to feel anything.”
And there it is. My opening. The words that should prompt me to tell her why I’m here, not that that’s even the exact reason anymore…but still. She deserves to know.
“Speaking of the medical stuff, Layla, there’s something—”
“Shh, Landen.” She cuts me off with my name on her breath and then, even more effectively, her actions. Pulling up on her knees to lean into me, she wraps her arms around my shoulders and hitches a leg over my lap. She’s straddling me, sinking her clear aquamarine eyes into mine, and I can’t even remember what I was going to say or why.
“Layla,” I groan, placing my hands on her hips.
“I’m ready to feel now,” she whispers. She grinds herself against me and I fall down into the endless pit of emotion I’ve been edging around since I left her. Head first.
Ididn’t know if he planned to hash out our messy past all night, but I didn’t want to talk anymore. Especially not about my medical issues. So I climbed onto his lap and covered his mouth with mine.
Judging from his instant reaction beneath me, I’m obviously not too bad at this. Though he made it clear he’s been with more experienced girls. Some animalistic instinct in me has the urge to show him I’m better than them. That I can be the best he’s ever been with and all he’ll ever need. Even if I’m not so convinced it’s true.
Pressing my hips down on him feels so good that I moan embarrassingly loudly. It doesn’t seem to do anything but make his mouth that much more eager to invade mine. His thick, warm tongue lashes against mine and I graze my teeth against it, making it his turn to moan.
