The answers to her questions come easily. I don’t even have to think about them. Because I already know where I want to be. Who I want to be with.
It’s time I started living. For however long I have left. And tying Landen up in bed sounds like an excellent thing to add to my bucket list.
Mylife flashes before my eyes twice on the way to the airport. When Skylar drops me at the curb, my legs are shaking for a multitude of reasons. Corin hugs me tight, and I’m a little bit sad we didn’t get more time together.
“I packed the Blu-ray copy ofPitch Perfectfor you,” she says.
“I love you.”
She laughs. “Love you too, crazy girl. Now go get your fine piece of soccer ass.” My eyes are watering but I snort out a laugh into her hug.
If Landen were standing next to me as I buy my ticket and check my bags, he’d be locking me in a death grip for how hard I’m trembling. I put the eleven-hundred-dollar ticket on the emergency credit card Aunt Kate gave me. I’ll call her when I get there. I’m dying, so technically everything’s an emergency.
I finally find gate C11, and they’re already calling for people to board. Glancing down at my ticket, I see that it’s not my group yet. Is he already on the plane? Panicked insecurity hits me hard and fast. What if he doesn’t want me to come?
I’m about to turn around and try to go get a refund on my ticket when I see him. For a guy whose dreams are coming true, he looks pretty down. Slumped in the farthest seat from the gate, he stares out the wall of glass facing the hangars. An enormous plane sits in front of us. My stomach drops out at the sight of both. A little over an hour ago I was sulking alone in my room. Now I’m about to jet to a whole other country.
At least, IhopeI am.
At first, each step toward him is like trudging through wet cement. But the closer I get, the lighter I feel until I’m practically running. “Landen?” I ask softly, even though I know it’s him.
“Layla?” He turns in his seat and looks up at me. For a second, I lost my breath. I thought I looked bad. His normally bright eyes are dark, sunken into his face and encircled by bruise-like rings. Either he hasn’t slept in a week or someone punched him.
Repeatedly.
“Did you get into a fight? Other than the one with Skylar?”
“What? No.” His brow creases. Oh. No sleep then.
“I, um, wanted to see you.”
“You came to say goodbye?” he asks, and a lump rises in my throat. His voice is like a little boy’s, hollow and lost. Suddenly, I have no idea why we’ve been doing this to each other. It’s love. Plain and simple. You love someone, you show it. Every day, up until your last.
“No. I came to say I’m sorry.”
His shoulders slump further down at my words. “Oh. Well. Apology accepted. I’m sorry, too. I should’ve told you—”
“Landen. I didn’tjustcome to apologize.”
His shoulders lift slightly and a tiny glimmer of hope shines from behind his eyes. “Did you come to ask me not to go?”
For a second, that option makes so much more sense than flying off to Spain with him. But Corin was right. I’ve been hiding from life, afraid to live for fear of how it might affect everyone when I’m gone. He came to California to be a part of my dream. Now I’m going to be a part of his.
“No,” I whisper, because I’m still nervous he won’t want me to tag along.
“Then what?” His voice hardens and I’m hit with solid weight of his disappointment.
Because that’s what he wants, for me to ask him to stay, like I should’ve done in Hope Springs. Any insecurity I was holding on to dissolves.
I step closer. “I came to say I love you. And to see if you have a window seat because there’s no way I’m sitting in the aisle all the way to Spain.”
Disbelief holds him back until I produce my ticket. He stands, taking it from me and staring at it as if it might self-destruct in his hand. “Layla, what are you…what about—”
“I was afraid,” I say, working hard to speak loudly enough for him to hear. “Of us. Of needing someone. Of hurting you. All of it.”
“Baby, you don’t have to—”
“Please let me finish.” I look up into those soulful eyes of his, the ones that have seen every single version of me. Lonely. Lost. Sad. Seizing out. Humiliated. Thrilled. Turned on. In love. “You came to California for me, to be a part of my dream. To keep me still, to keep safe if I needed you.” I take a deep breath, hoping the tears will hold off long enough for me to say what I need to. “I need you, Landen. I need you so much. I need us. I don’t know how much time I have. I don’t know how much time any of us have. But I know that I want to spend whatever time I have left, every second of it, loving you. Being a part of your dream. Please let me.”