Page 30 of Hold Us Close
“Hey, I’m a fine piece of soccer ass, thank you very much,” Skylar pipes up, pulling her to him.
She answers him with a kiss and I smile at the both of them. “I love y’all. Very much.”
“We love you, too,” Corin says, swatting Skylar on the arm as he says something into her ear I don’t catch. “If he steps out of line out there, let us know. It’s a big ocean. We can make him disappear.”
I laugh, knowing she’s only half kidding. Taking a deep breath, I step outside and make my way down the wooden steps to the deserted beach. Just as my feet hit the sand, Landen turns.
The sunlight glares off the water, sending light glinting all around him. It takes all the self-control I have not to break into a headlong sprint and launch myself into his arms.
Squinting up at him as I get closer, I bite my lip to keep from grinning maniacally. “Hey, stranger.”
His navy polo shirt is tight on his chest and arms. He’s been working out. His hair is a little longer than before, but other than that, he’s the same. Still my Landen. My fine piece of soccer ass.
“Hi there, beautiful.” He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“I’ve missed you,” I say, reaching up to touch his face. It was only six weeks, but it was the most time we’ve ever spent apart. And it sucked.
“Me too, baby.” His eyes drop to my stomach and widen. “Whoa.”
“Easy. Make any mean jokes about my huge belly and I’ll sic Corin on you.”
He laughs as he puts his arms around me. “Pretty soon I probably won’t be able to get my arms around you.”
“Watch your mouth, O’Brien.”
“Yes, ma’am. Hmm, speaking of mouths worth watching…” His mouth lands on mine and I open to him, moaning as his tongue sweeps inside. Suddenly I’m hyperaware of how long it’s been since we’ve made love. Being turned on while pregnant seems to be a bit more intense than what I’m used to. Or maybe it’s the time apart. Or both. I press myself against him, feeling the evidence of just how much he’s missed me as well.
“Landen,” I breathe, pulling him as close as humanly possible.
“I know, baby.” His hands drop to my bottom and he gives me a firm squeeze. “But we need to talk, okay?” Placing a disappointingly chaste kiss against my lips, he sighs and pulls back.
“Okay. Want to tell me about it? I’m kind of dying to know and also unsure of what’s okay to ask.”
Landen takes my hand and helps me lower into the soft sand and sea grass. “You can ask anything you want.”
“Was it awful?” I whisper into the wind.Do you hate me? I want to add but don’t.
His eyes scan the ocean as he answers. “No, not awful. It was…enlightening, I guess. I learned some things. A lot of things. It was awful being away from you though.”
“Agreed. God I missed you.” We both prop back on our arms, letting the ones closest to one another intertwine as we do. Leaning my head on his shoulder, I watch the waves. I wish I could freeze time. Put this perfect moment on pause and hold onto the serenity. “Do you think it helped?”
“I think…I think I don’t know yet. Listen, Layla, I have to tell you some things. Some things that are going to be hard to hear.”
Oh God. My world pitches and rolls right along with the ocean. “Oh-kay. Such as?”
He turns his head and our gazes collide. “Such as I have a diagnosis. And not a great one.”
“A diagnosis?”
“Yeah. Apparently I have something called Intermittent Explosive Disorder. It’s why I fly off the hinges. Why I get into fights, why I break shit, and why I still don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be a father.”
“Landen, no, I don’t—”
“Please just listen. Just hear me out, okay?”
Holding my breath in an attempt to hold back the tears, I nod for him to continue.
“What I have, an anger disorder caused by my—by The Colonel’s particular brand of child rearing, it doesn’t have a cure. I can’t take a pill or see a doctor or whatever and make it go away. It’s part of who I am.”
