Page 13 of Hold Us Close
“Life is full of choices, O’Brien. You want this? Come back in January a new man. That’s the only way I can keep you on. Otherwise, you should just walk away.”
My jaw clenches and I breathe through my nose.
“Understood. I’ll clear my gear out this weekend.” My finger hovers above the disconnect button.
“Son? For what it’s worth, I hope you get it together. Whatever’s eating you up inside, the club could get you some help. Say the word and I’ll make the calls.”
“Thank you, sir. I’ll keep that in mind.”
We hang up, and I step into the bedroom. Layla’s back on her side, her hands folded underneath her face. The sun lights her up like the angel she is. My eyes roam over her naked, slender arms and shoulders. I know exactly how good her skin feels under my hands. How I feel inside of her. She looks so fragile. Breakable.
She’s fine china, and I’m the bull.
Her aunt’s words mingle with Coach’s in my head.I’m holding you personally responsible. Life is full of choices. Walk away.
Casting one last longing glance at the goddess sleeping peacefully in our bed, I step out onto the balcony.
I need to know why I’m like this so I can figure out how to stop.
And there’s only one person who can answer that for me.
He picks up on the third ring. “Hello?”
“Colonel?”
“Landen.” He doesn’t even sound surprised. My name isn’t a question.
“Yeah,” I say shortly. “We need to talk.”
I wait for the “The fuck we do,” “Go to hell,” or “I don’t have time for your sissy bullshit,” but it doesn’t come.
A deep sigh passes from wherever he is, half a world away, to my ear. “I’ve been expecting your call,” he says evenly.
He has?
“You have?” I haven’t spoken to this man in three years. His voice still sends a shiver down my spine. He terrified me, angered me, and made me feel dead inside. Residual tinges of those emotions swirl inside of me.
“Surprised it took this long actually.”
Blissful numbness covers me as I speak. Thank fuck. “Yeah. Well, to be honest, I never planned to speak to you again if I could help it.”
“That right? Makes sense I guess.”
I pull in damp, humid air and try to put some type of priority rank on the crazed parade of thoughts trampling through my head. “I have some questions. I need answers. Think you can give me that?”
“Landen, listen. A lot has happened since—”
“You know what, I don’t give two shits about what you’re about to say. If you’ve got excuses or whatever, save your breath. I don’t want or need them.”
“Son, I understand that you’re angry. I deserve it.”
My blood pressure ramps up right along with my pulse. It’s a wonder I don’t drop dead of a fucking heart attack right now. “Don’t fuckingsonme. Don’t apologize or eventhinkabout spouting some bullshit about how or why or try and tell me what either of us deserves.”
Somehow, over the sound of blood rushing in my ears, I hear him clear his throat again. “Okay. You said you had questions. Say whatever you need to.”
Condescending prick. I pull the phone from my ear for a second and close my eyes. Taking deep breaths until my vision clears, I remind myself why I have to do this.Layla. Our child. My job.My family’s life pretty much depends on me getting my shit together. Doesn’t mean I have to be cordial.
“Listen to me. Do not think for one goddamn second that Ineedanything from you. I don’t. Truth is, I want some answers for why…” Dammit. Stupid lump in my throat makes it hard to talk.
