Page 88 of The Arrogant One
Let’s just pray it’s a 5-star experience and the conversation will be easy on the both of us.
Bryn
But what if it’s not?
Me
Well then, I’m fucked.
Bryn
Let’s say it’s 3 stars. Would you be honest about it in your review? Or would you lie for your boyfriend?
Me
I can’t lie. I’ve built an entire career on honesty. I don’t know how to do it any other way.
Bryn
JFC.
Me
I know …
I pushed one of the lighting tripods aside to make room at the kitchen counter, giving me just enough space to eat lunch.
It had already been a very long morning spent filming a homemade macaroni and cheese video. The company that created the cheese grater I used was the sponsor of the segment, and once it finished baking, I’d mixed it all up and put it in Tupperware—hiding most of the signs that Dear Foodie had made it—and brought it down to my doorman for him to take home and enjoy. If I ate a heaping bowl of pasta, especially one made with four different kinds of cheeses and thick, curly noodles—a meal I craved, made with extra comfort and love—I’d be full and asleep in less than twenty minutes. And I didn’t have time for sleep, not when I had two more videos to film today, an article to write, and several static posts I needed to shoot and schedule.
While I nibbled on my lunch of two hard-boiled eggs and cut-up veggies and hummus, I attempted to get through some of the comments on the video that had gone live this morning—one that I’d shot a few days ago. There were thousands of comments to weed through on each social media site. I started with Instagram—the friendliest of the bunch—and read what my followers had written, responding to the more important questions.
Best spin on a salmon bowl I’ve ever seen. Can I hire you to be my private chef, Dear Foodie???
I’m a nail tech in LA. Hit me up. I would love to paint your paws.
Do you use Kewpie Mayo or, like, Hellmann’s?
Why do you make everything look so delicious? Goodbye, protein diet. Hello, carbs.
Ew. Who cooks with a Band-Aid? Do you know how unsanitary that is? The least you could have done was wear a glove.
Who gives a fuck if she has on a Band-Aid? Leave her alone. She’s human.
Human and everything I want in a woman. She can wrap those fingers around me any day.
A text came across my screen, saving my eyes from the wildness of my followers, and I clicked on it.
Lockhart
I just tasted you.
Me
How?
Lockhart
One of the best things about eating your pussy after I shower for work is that you’re on my face for the rest of the day.
