Page 137 of The Heartbreaker
“I was just going to go get a cocktail”—she adjusted her hat—“but sure, take a seat.”
I pulled back the chair and carefully scooped the bottom of my dress before I settled on the cushion. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you. I don’t totally know what to say about all of this—my head is a cluster of thoughts—but I feel like you should at least hear things from me even if you’ve heard them all from Ridge.” My head was so jumbled that words were flying out and Icouldn’t stop them. “As Daisy’s teacher—I don’t know—I feel it’s important.”
Jana’s stare wasn’t hard, like I had anticipated. It also wasn’t warm and fuzzy. But she looked at me with respect, with eyes that didn’t feel as if they were judging me.
I waited for her to say something, and when she didn’t, I continued, “I want you to know that all I ever wanted to do was be a teacher. I have this immense love for children and the desire to educate them and mold them—that’s the biggest, most vital part of my life.” I folded my hands in my lap and immediately unfolded them. “When it comes to your daughter, she’s my only focus. To be everything she needs as an educator. Regardless of what happens or what’s happening in my personal life, her schooling will always come first to me.”
“I just worry.” She traced the outer edges of her lips as though she was wiping away any smudged gloss. “I worry about everything, if I’m being honest. If something goes wrong with you and Ridge, Daisy is the one who will suffer.”
I stole a quick glance at Ridge and was surprised to find his eyes already on me. I didn’t keep my gaze on him for long. I wanted to give Jana the full attention she deserved, but in Ridge’s expression, I saw that he was appreciative that I was speaking to her.
As I stared back at Jana, I said, “And I can completely understand where that worry would come from. I realize giving you my word doesn’t mean much. You don’t know me at all; therefore, you don’t know how I’m a woman who stands by my word, but I promise you, Jana, nothing will interfere with Daisy’s learning. She will receive the best education that I’m physically and mentally capable of giving.” I set my hand on the table, rubbing it over the cloth to work off some of the sweat. “You know, before I left for this wedding, I had a meeting with the principal of my school. Did Ridge tell you?”
She shook her head.
“I’m not required to tell the administration that I’m in a relationship with Ridge despite him being a parent of a student. Still, I told my principal anyway. I just didn’t want there to be an issue at any level, and I wanted him to be aware of the situation in case something did happen and you or Ridge wanted to transfer Daisy to a different classroom.”
Her stare grew as she watched me.
“The last thing I would want was for anyone to be caught off guard—like the night that went down at Ridge’s house.” My hand flew to my chest, my heart pounding as I thought of that evening. “The principal assured me that if either of you ever wants to change classrooms or anything like that, he will work with you to make it happen. I just want you to know you have options.”
She rubbed her hands over her bare arms. “Thank you for doing that.”
“Of course. Like I said, Jana, Daisy is my priority. Always.”
She glanced away, and I followed her stare around the backyard, even up at the sky, before it returned to me.
“I’ve had some time to reflect on everything I said to Ridge that night after I put Daisy to bed and we hashed everything out. I realize now how unprepared I was for that conversation. I was shocked by what I saw. I was angry as hell at him for not telling me. My head was full of assumptions, and none of them were accurate.” She broke eye contact again to look toward the dance floor. “I couldn’t understand in that moment why he hadn’t told me, but I do now.”
“We talked about it often,” I admitted. “He wanted nothing more than to come clean. It was eating away at him.”
“I’m sure it was.” Her gaze dropped to my necklace and lifted again. “He’s not the kind of guy to withhold information of any kind. He’s not secretive or sketchy or anything like that. If anything, he’s probably too honest.”
“I need to tell you”—I took a deep breath—“that I’m horrified by what you walked into that evening.” I pushed harder against my chest. “If I could change anything, it would be that.”
She slowly nodded. “I’m just glad Daisy doesn’t remember any of it.”
“Same.” I winced as it replayed in my head.
She had a long fishtail braid that hung to her chest, and she began to play with it. “When Ridge told me about your other job, I want you to know, there was a moment when I didn’t think too highly of you. I’m not sure if he told you that part or not.”
“He didn’t.”
And I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
When Ridge had recapped their talk, he’d glazed over Jana’s reaction to me stripping and said it wasn’t what they really focused on. But hearing that she hadn’t thought too highly of me made me glad he hadn’t told me.
Was that fucked up?
I didn’t even know at this point. I just knew that had to have been an extremely difficult line for him to walk when things were already cluttered and a bit chaotic.
Her chest rose and fell a few times. “I shouldn’t have done that. I should have understood why you took on that job and where you were coming from because I’d been there too.” She spread her lips wide, a modest smile without showing any teeth. “Ridge reminded me of that and what I’d done to come up with the down payment for my parents’ house. Our choices weren’t the same, but that doesn’t make yours bad. You did what you had to do, and that wasn’t easy.”
I lifted my hand off the table and put it back on my lap, linking my fingers together. “I want you to know it’s something I still struggle with. I never in my life ever thought I’d get on a stage and take my clothes off, but what’s weird about the whole thing is, I don’t regret it. Because had I not done it,then I wouldn’t have gotten to see my parents’ faces when my sister and I gave them their gift. That’s something that meant absolutely everything to me.”
And maybe, had I not stripped, then I wouldn’t have connected with Ridge—a detail I wasn’t going to mention, but I was sure she was thinking that too.
“Girl, I wouldn’t have done it.” Her hand went to my arm, and I was surprised by the warmth of her skin. “I’m saying, I wouldn’t have the nerve or the confidence to follow through.”
