Page 36 of Wistful in Wyoming
His cell phone vibrated in his hand. Glancing at the screen, he saw “Jay” and a picture of the two of them, their faces squished together with their hats askew and giant grins. He snarled, remembering the day they’d taken the selfie. Their happiness had been palatable, and if he thought about it too hard, he could still taste the peanut butter and strawberry jelly on Jeremiah’s lips from the sandwiches they’d shared that day. Jeremiah had apologized for the simple lunch, explaining that he needed to go grocery shopping. Dale hadn’t cared though, as he’d licked the nutty flavor and sweet preserves from Jeremiah’s mouth before following the line of his jaw, down his throat, then further, showing his cowboy just how much he loved the taste of him.
His phone beeped with another voice message—this one he refused to listen to. Instead, he tossed the phone into the glove box, climbed out of the truck, and strode toward the bar. He hoped there was a dark corner he could hide in and drown his heartache. Hopefully, it was too early for any assholes to bother with him. A bar fight would be the cherry on top of the fucked up sundae his life was today.
* * *
After a long dayof back-breaking work, Jeremiah had hoped he’d be exhausted enough to fall into bed and pass out. No such luck. Instead, he found himself all alone on his porch, sitting in his favorite chair with his bare feet propped up on the stump he used as an ottoman. He didn’t even have the will or strength to whittle, something that had always relaxed him.How sad is that?
Dale still hadn’t returned his calls or text messages, and Jeremiah was worried that he’d screwed up so badly, he’d lost all chance of the sexy Marine being a part of his future. The one man he’d ever considered coming out for, at the first chance he got to declare it in public, he’d shut down and denied who he really was. It shouldn't make a fucking difference to Jeremiah if Skinner, Larsen, or anyone else had a problem with him being gay. If he was in love and happy, truly happy, for the first time in his life, no one else’s opinion mattered. He shouldn’t be miserable until the day he died just because who he loved offended someone else. Letthembe miserable, not him, and certainly not Dale.
“Mind if I join you?” Nathan’s voice startled him from his morose thoughts as the man climbed the steps to the porch. He’d obviously walked over from Skyview. In his midthirties, Nathan still had the bearings of the Army soldier he’d been until last year. Having grown up in a small town, he’d settled into the Rock with little trouble, and Jeremiah was happy to call him a friend.
“Sure.” Gesturing to the loveseat, he held up a beer in question.
His neighbor sat down and nodded. “I never say no to free beer.”
Laughing, Jeremiah popped the top and handed it over. “That’s usually my line. I’m assuming your wife sent you, huh?”
“Nope. I took it upon myself to come over.” Nathan accepted the beer and took a long pull on it. “Willow can be ... well, intense, as I’m sure you’ve figured out since meeting her. I wanted to see if you’re okay. I won’t pretend to know what you’re feeling, but Icanimagine how I would feel if Willow and I were apart—not good at all, my friend.”
“I’m not okay, not even a little, but thanks for asking. Not good is one way to put it, yes.” Jeremiah found himself opening up to Nathan, explaining his feelings more clearly than he’d done with Willow and Jenna. The other man had a calming presence and didn’t push or pressure him. It felt a little bit like talking to himself.
He told Nathan about his fears growing up, how he’d seen other gay men ostracized and put down just for being who they were. His terror of letting his parents down and ruining his legacy. He explained his struggle between the desire deep within his soul to be loved for who he was and his need to be successful for the ranch and his employees. He had anxiety over losing vendors and clients just because he’d fallen in love with another man. He didn’t want to walk down a street amid whispered rumors, fingers being pointed, derogatory names being yelled, perverted accusations being thrown, and possibly having his life threatened because he wasn’t “normal” as per some people’s perception.
When his words ran out, and his throat felt hoarse, he realized his beer was empty and his heart felt a little lighter.
“Well. You’re fucked, huh?” Nathan broke in, and Jeremiah felt his face flush.
“Apparently not in the way I want to be.” He laughed at his own self-deprecation, and even Nathan barked in wry amusement. After a moment, Jeremiah continued. “Dale would’ve been my first, you know? Well, my first in—inthatway. I’d never ... um ... you know, before. Other ways, yes, but not ... ” He fought down the embarrassment of admitting that he was half a virgin at the ripe old age of forty-two, almost forty-three. He wasn’t sure Nathan fully understood him, but he didn’t have to guts to say, “I’ve never been on the receiving end of penetrative anal sex.”
Thankfully, he didn’t need to. His friend held up a hand, stopping any further attempts at an explanation. “I get it—don’t need to go into more detail than that, thank you very much—but it’s not over yet. Don’t give up. I know you’re no quitter.” Standing, Nathan set his empty beer bottle on the small side table then clapped Jeremiah’s shoulder. “I have to get home to my ladies, but I want you to know, you’re a good man, Jeremiah Urban. Dale, or any other guy, would be lucky to have you. If the narrow-minded people in this town can’t accept that, that’s on them, not you. If they have anything to say about it, they can go through Willow and me first. And from what I hear, your sister will be standing right next to us. You’ve got people who care about you and have your back no matter what. Just remember that.”
Swallowing thickly, Jeremiah nodded his thanks, unable to find the words to express how grateful he was for the couple’s friendship.
Patting his shoulder one more time, his neighbor walked off the porch and across the field to the path leading back to his house and family.
Jeremiah sat there long after twilight descended, watching the stars flicker and twinkle all over the big Wyoming sky. A plan began to form in his mind as he stared into the heavens. Nathan was right—he was no quitter.
Chapter Nineteen
Jeremiah had founda new level of nerves as he stood outside Dale’s RV. He’d already spoken to Willow and knew that Dale had finished with his morning chores. Yeah, he was ambushing the man and knew this had the potential to go horribly wrong. But Nathan’s words came back to him.
You’re no quitter.
Taking a deep breath and swallowing the urge to vomit on his boots, he knocked on Dale’s door and waited. With his hat in his hands, he fiddled with the brim while repeating the words he needed to say in his head. He might’ve practiced them in the mirror earlier before walking over, but he wasn’t going to admit to anything. He only had one shot at this, one chance to make things right with Dale, and was determined not to blow it.
The door creaked slightly as it opened, and Jeremiah’s heart beat faster and his palms began to sweat. Then, the man he’d fallen for was there, standing in front of and a few steps above him. Even scowling, he was beyond handsome. Jeremiah’s breath hitched, and he swallowed hard. He wanted to reach out and touch Dale so badly, but he had to take this one step at a time.
“What do you want?” Dale demanded in a voice that was raspier than usual. It was then that Jeremiah noticed the man’s bloodshot eyes and sallow skin. Dale looked like he’d been ridden hard and put away wet. Hope bloomed within Jeremiah—maybe he had more of a shot that he’d thought.
“H-hey,” Jeremiah stammered before clearing his throat. “I almost didn’t expect you to answer the door. But I’m so glad you did,” he added in a rush before Dale could think to slam the door in his face. “I have a few things I need to say, and if after that, you still want me gone, I’ll go. I’m just asking that you please hear me out first.”
Arching a brow, Dale didn’t say anything, but after a moment, he nodded his agreement. Crossing his arms, he leaned against the door jamb, clearly not in the mood to invite Jeremiah inside.
Okay, we can do this right here. He’s willing to listen, so get the fuck on with it!
“You were right—I’m letting my fear rule me. I have for a very long time, but I’m done.Donebeing afraid to let people see the real me.Donebeing ashamed of who I am and who I’m attracted to.Donebeing fucking alone while watching others be free to love whomever they want. I’m here to tell you that I’m going to come out. With you in my life or not, I’m going to do it. For me. Because I deserve to be happy. I’m so tired, Dale. So tired of hiding and pretending.”
He took another deep breath, this next part was going to be even harder. He took a step closer, his gaze pinned on Dale’s face. “I’m here to beg you to stay. Please, Dale,please. Don’t leave the Rock. Don’t leave Willow and Nathan. And please, baby,” he swallowed past the lump in his throat, “don’t leaveme.We can work it out. I’ll do whatever I have to, whatever you need me to do. Just ... stay. Give me a chance to make this right. Having you in my life these past few months has made me the happiest I’ve ever been. I don’t want to go back to the empty shell I was before. You make my life brighter and fuller. I’ve grown to really care about you, and it’s not easy to say, because it’s never happened to me before, but I’m falling in love ... I’m falling in love withyou.” His eyes welled up. “If you leave here, you’re going to be taking my heart with you when you go. If that’s what you want, fine, you can have my heart—it’s yours no matter where you are—but I sure hope that you’ll consider staying here—with me.”
