Page 37 of Safety Net
I grabbed my bag and hurried after him.
"So, how are you feeling about your first day? Excited?"
"I feel…" Like I was pinned underneath a tidal wave. Spinning in the middle of a current, stretching up and out to a surface I wasn't strong enough to pierce. I considered goingwith 'alright.' That was simpler and less likely to freak him out. No one wanted to be around someone whose first response to anything was sheer panic.
"Honesty, remember?" Lincoln searched my eyes for the truth underneath all this water. "We'll figure it out from there."
The 'we' gave me pause, the catalyst for a flower of warmth to unfold in my chest. There was sincere earnestness in how he looked at me. I could tell Lincoln I needed to figure out how to conquer the world in the next hour, and he'd probably promise to see every moment through alongside me. I almost laughed at the thought of asking just to tease him. I knew he'd appreciate it. I didn't know much about him, but I knew enough to believe he was safe enough to be silly around.
Instead of going in for the joke, I decided to keep on task because I'm not yet confident enough to commit to the bit.
"Overwhelmed," I said. "I'm still fixing songs and finalizing the music. And I'm catching…a vibe."
Lincoln frowned. "A vibe?"
"Yeah." I subtly nudged my chin toward our cast. "Between those four."
"Oh, yeah." Lincoln waved dismissively. "Don't worry about that. The love square doesn't affect them all the time. They'll focus. I know they don't look like it, but they're surprisingly professional when motivated."
I laughed a bit, still confused. "Love square?"
"It's a whole thing," he promised. "I'll catch you up later. In the meantime, what do you need from me today? I'm yours. More tea runs. Handling the speakers. Offering acting techniques. I'm your man."
"Could you just…keep doing what you're doing? Leading?" I asked, feeling useless for having to ask him to take the steering wheel on my project.
"I got you," he said without hesitation. "What's the goal for today?"
"I need them to get familiar with each other and the music," I said. "Get a feel for how things flow and if they need to change anything to suit their voices."
"Got it, captain."
“And…um…” I rummaged through my bag, pulling out my Carter paperback in the process.
"You're tabbing it?" he asked with a smile.
"Yeah…" I nodded and let him take it from me. "I marked some of the scenes we texted about. I was trying to… understand your headspace. It felt like a smart thing at the time, but now that I'm saying it…"
I felt like a creep. Was it creepy to tab all the things he'd mentioned? Did it make me look obsessive? Once I'd started reading, the world and all the absurdity in the storytelling drew me in. The book felt like it was a mashup ofAlice in WonderlandandSherlock. And every time I reached a part Lincoln said he enjoyed, I felt like I was learning a secret about him and becoming privy to something he didn't always share with the public. And I'd found an unexplainable joy in that feeling of exclusivity.
"Could we trade copies one day?" Lincoln asked as he flipped through the book. "I would love to read your thoughts. Understand your headspace, too."
He didn't think it was weird. I released a sigh of relief. I bit on the inside of my cheek, trying not to smile too much. My breathing slowed as I imagined what our exchange of thoughts might look like and how he would smile and listen intently to every word, as he had in all our conversations thus far.
"Celeste?" Lincoln asked in a tone that indicated it wasn't the first time he'd said my name. "Everything okay?"
I blinked. I'd been staring at him longer than intended. Despite the awkwardness of staring, the daydreaming made me smile.
"I'd like that. Sharing. I don't have many interesting thoughts, but yeah… I'd like that." I picked at my nail, trying to focus on not blankly staring at him again.
He shook his head, disagreeing with my self-deprecation. "An artist like you will have a myriad of insights. I'll be lucky if I can keep up."
I'm having trouble keeping eye contact, flattered he'd even think that. Let alone believe it.
"Is there anything else you need from me?" he asked, closing the book and handing it back to me.
"No, I think… you've been more than helpful."
"I aim to please. And I'm here if something changes. Don't be afraid to use me."
