Page 108 of Safety Net
I stayed backstage as the lights dimmed, watching the front rows of the theatre fill. The opener was a solo for our flute player. As soon as that first note pierced the air, I closed my eyes to soak in the feeling.
The audience wasn't large. We weren't anywhere close to being sold out. But people were here. They were here for the music. To see what I had to say. And as soon as Halle's voice filtered through the mic, I remembered I had so much to say. The one musical couldn't cover it all, but it was a start.
When I opened my eyes and tried to peek at the audience without attracting attention, my gaze immediately found Lincoln. He'd slipped in the back quietly, his arm full of pink and yellow tulips. I covered my mouth to suppress a laugh when he took a photo with a disposable camera, and realized it had a bright, distracting flash. He instantly shoved it into his pocket and slouched into his seat, embarrassed.
Halle got through the opening seamlessly. While everyone watched her, I watched Lincoln, my heart racing a mile a minute when I realized how he was the first person I wanted to call when I got good news. The only person I wanted to curl up with after a long day and share all the truths I've been too anxious to admit.
Lincoln must have sensed someone watching because his gaze strayed from the stage to where I stood. As soon as our eyes locked, the world went silent. His smile was bright, and his eyes came to life when he saw me. Whatever sleepiness lingered in his body from last night faded for a moment.
"I'm so sorry," he mouthed.
I shook my head and mouthed back, "It's okay."
I pulled out my phone and gestured to it before texting. He shook his head and held up his phone. The screen remained black.
"After?" he mouthed and held up the flowers.
I smiled and nodded before pulling back from the curtain. I pressed my hand on my chest, breathing to slow down my heart rate. Whatever lay ahead, I would be okay.
The crowd wasn't large, but the noise from their standing ovation made the place feel packed. My lungs were sore from how long I've been storing emotion in them. Obtaining a dream was unlike anything I could have imagined. It tasted bittersweet. Gratifying.
As the clapping went on, Halle turned to look off stage, where I stood, and gestured for me to join her. My stomach did backflips, and I shook my head. Ellis caught on to what Halle wanted and moved from his spot next to her to come to me.
"It's your show," Ellis said, voice muffled thanks to the applause. Our musicians were getting their acknowledgements now.
I shook my head, knees nearly giving out at the thought of moving. "It's your show too."
"It'syours," he insisted. "None of us would be here without you."
He offered me his hand. When I hesitated, he added, "Just see what it's like this one time. If you hate it, you'll never have to do it again. It's better to hate something and know for sure than to live a life wondering. Better to feel it all firsthand than listen to someone else tell the story."
I glanced at the audience again, gaze falling on where all our friends stood. I could focus on them and only them, and maybe that would keep most of the stage fright at bay.
"Okay." I breathed out and accepted Ellis' hand.
He led me out to the stage next to Halle, who also took my hand. I stood between the two of them and followed their lead into a final group bow. My skin was on fire. I could barely see the audience because of the lights beaming down on us. But the cheers and extra whistles when I came onto the center stage were enough to trigger overwhelm. Halle and Ellis stepped back for a moment to give me a few seconds of solo spotlight. I didn't die like I theorized I might. But I also didn't know what to do with my hands, face, and all this joy coursing through my veins.
The prolonged attention was blinding. I never wanted to stand on a stage again, but Ellis was right; it was better to know. Better to feel it firsthand.
I found my friends right after. I shook so much I could barely hold onto Naomi.
"It was perfect," she repeated in my ear while she hugged me, knowing my mind was running a mile a minute with doubts.
"Thank you." I could barely focus on anything or anyone. Being on stage had been overstimulating. And now, I was surrounded by people congratulating me. I was grateful for the love. But my body felt like it crossed the finish line of a marathon. Everything around me was blurry, and I wanted to collapse into a thousand years of sleep.
"Celeste," the voice I wanted to hear since the moment I woke up, greeted me. Lincoln opened his mouth to say something else, but was cut short when I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck for a hug. He returned the hug in an instant, picking me up off the ground so I wouldn't have to stand on my toes. Everything faded until it was just the two of us.
"I'm so sorry for last night," he said once he set me down. "For being so late. For being such asshole. For letting you down."
"It's okay," I promised, squeezing his biceps in the hope he could feel my honesty. "I'm sorry for walking away."
He shook his head, voice firm as he said, "Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. You should have walked away earlier. I should have known it was too late, and I was too drunk, and I was ruining it."
"You haven't ruined anything."
Everyone still moved around us, talking excitedly among themselves to give us as much privacy as possible in a public space.
"How did you get the pieces here? You didn't drive…did you?" I asked.
