Page 93 of Safety Net
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CELESTE
"You should come out with me tonight." It was hard to hear Lincoln over the already large crowd of whatever house party he'd found himself in. "I want to introduce you to some people."
I only hesitated for a second. "Alright."
The smile in his voice made it even harder to hear him. "Yeah? You sure?"
"Positive." I tried to smile at myself, flooding my brain with thoughts of positivity and feigning self-belief in an attempt to outdo the twisted, cruel beliefs.
If Lincoln and I were going to have a real chance of lasting, I'd have to try to exist in his world. I'd have to meet him where he was, like he'd met me. So, I ignored the butterflies wreaking havoc in my nervous system. I focused hard on keeping my hand steady as I applied makeup, ensuring my pink and purple eyeshadow blended seamlessly. Lined my lips with a nude color and swiped on a couple coats of clear gloss.
My high anxiety outfits consisted of tops with sleeves long enough to hide my fingers (just in case the trembling was too frequent). The white, flowy one I chose provided the right amount of warmth for the chill of a late summer night. I slippedon a pair of wide-leg jeans that Naomi had painted butterflies on the back pockets.
Naomi video chatted with me when I got to taking down my twists. She sat in Finn's car with her hair up and a pair of hoop earrings on (the telltale sign she'd also agreed to a night out).
"You look adorable. You're really coming?" She tried to balance the phone on the dashboard. It fell a few times before she gave up with a laugh. I smiled too; my chest felt a bit less like it was underneath a twenty-ton weight.
“As soon as my hair's done." I could hear the buzz of people outside her car.
Her smile grew at my words. "I can't believe he convinced you to come."
"I want to be there for him. Trying to," I said. "And who knows, maybe I'll like going out and being around people?"
"Sure. Or maybe, you'll hang out for a bit and go back home because being here for even a minute is more than enough."
"You think so?" I asked, unable to hide the hint of hope in my tone.
"Even a second of Celeste is enough to make me happy," she promised. "I know Lincoln feels the same."
My chest loosened, breathing becoming obtainable once more. Feeling enough and being enough were two separate things; Naomi always managed to sew them together for me in less than a minute.
We talked until I was in my car. Once on the road, I gOt through my playlist of comfort musicals—a littlePhantom of the Opera,Wicked, andHamilton. By the time thePrince of Egyptbegan, I pulled onto the noisy block. My window vibrated from the music outside, disrupting my listening party with much more bass and intensity. Since on-street parking was full, I found a spot a block away at a park. It was late enoughthat mosquitoes were buzzing about. I saw a few fireflies too, hovering around the trees in the neighborhood.
Music vibrated through my chest as I approached the house. The two-story ranch-style house stood behind an iron gate, left open so people in the yard could filter in and out as they pleased.
Unlike the neighborhood Naomi and the guys rented in, this one was a well-known area for college students. The street was within walking distance of campus. Older cars, with the occasional flashy one, lined all the driveways on the street. With the fall semester around the corner, Tinsel was about to become crowded once more. I wouldn't be able to find quiet corners as easily, but hopefully I wouldn't need them as much. That hope was tied to Lincoln and the smile he gave me the second he saw me coming up the walk.
He'd been waiting for me on the front porch, surrounded by a group of guys who looked vaguely familiar (more of his teammates).
As soon as he saw me, he broke away from the group. Lincoln wrapped his arms around me. I could barely hear what he said between the music, people, and the fact that he'd buried his face into my hair.
"What did you say?" I pulled back enough to glance up at him.
Lincoln's eyes were a bit red with exhaustion. But his smile and the energetic kisses he pressed against my forehead led me to believe tiredness wouldn't be much cause for concern. He was in his element once more. With hockey season right around the corner, Lincoln seemed infused with energy from the people around it again.
"I'm happy you're here." Lincoln kissed my lips this time. He tasted sweet and smelled of alcohol. The drink in his hand was half full. When he saw me eyeing it, he offered to grab one for me.
"I'm good," I said.
He nodded and kissed the top of my head before asking, "Can I introduce you to a few people? I've been telling some of the guys on the team about your music and how brilliant you are."
"Oh…sure, of course." I tried to keep my voice steady. There was no reason for me to devolve into panic yet. No reason for my chest to sting with burning air and my throat swell from the anticipation of 'hi' and 'my name is' and 'whatever I have to say to help you think I'm a normal human being.'
Lincoln grabbed my hand and said, "Squeeze if you want to go, and we'll leave in a heartbeat."
I took a breath and smiled, grateful for some sort of plan. Heavens knew my brain wasn't exactly in the state to come up with one.
