Page 49 of Safety Net
"Lincoln," I whispered.
"I didn't do this for that," he promised, matching my lowered volume. "I'm here because I believe in you. Not because I'm holding out for an 'us'. I swear."
"I know."
"Good." He finally met my gaze, and when he saw what was in my eyes, his forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Right?"
"Right." I nodded and lifted myself on my toes. The movement felt more natural than breathing. Being this close to Lincoln was as relaxing as an exhale.
"This is…" He couldn't finish his sentence. Our noses brushed. I felt his breath mingle with mine. I knew I needed to run the final song. I needed to finish my edits on the opening. I needed to get this mentorship. And I needed to kiss him. I needed it all and preferably not in that order.
"Good?" Lincoln asked a million things with one word.
"Yes," I whispered against his lips.
Lincoln closed the remaining space. His lips were soft and gentle against mine. I didn't feel any sort of uncertainty. I knewexactly what I wanted and how I wanted it to be. An unknown part of me opened, like unlocking some secret level in a game. I understood heaving breath and swelling breasts. The need to be so close to Lincoln I didn’t know where I began and he ended.
But his energy didn't match mine. Lincoln was timid, holding back in the kiss when I part my lips, offering more. His hand over mine loosened to the point where I could barely feel it. He was the first to pull away.
My forehead wrinkled as I tried to read him. But the guy who had been a constant open book was back on the shelf.
"I…sorry." He tried to laugh, but nothing more than an exhale came out. "That was…sorry."
"No, it's okay." I shook my head, cheeks burning. I'd read that all wrong. Hehadbeen over me.
Not because I'm holding out for an 'us'.
His words repeated over and over in my mind, mocking me. I pressed my fingers to my lips, wishing the kiss could be wiped away. Wishing I hadn't stood on my toes and asked him to do it.
"Celeste—"
"Could you get them to run it?" I asked, unable to meet his eyes. "We're behind schedule. Let's just…run it. We've wasted too much time."
"You got it." He nodded. "But we're talking after because I need you to know, I fucking loved every second of that. And I panicked. That's on me, you haven't done anything wrong."
His assurance changed the tide. A part of me didn't believe him, but as soon as I looked in his eyes, I knew it was true. Now, my next question was why? Why had he panicked?
"You and me?" He squeezed my hand. "After?"
"Yeah," I agreed.
Lincoln let me go and went back on stage. I took a moment, still behind the curtain, my fingers on my lips as I tried to fix myface to something normal. Something that wouldn't give away my world had shifted.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
LINCOLN
Her music looped in my head throughout practice. The melody was almost as all-consuming as her lips had been on mine.
But it was safer to think of the soft notes instead of her silky skin. Or my hand capturing the warmth of hers. Her body leaning into mine. That very real look in her eyes, I once daydreamed of being there.
The first thought that came to mind when our lips touched was: I didn't think we'd get here.
The second:hadwe got here? Truly taken all the steps?
All my report cards labelled me a class clown (derogatory). I liked the attention the laughs earned me. Humor made people feel good, welcomed, and safe. I loved that those feelings could be wrapped up in something as simple as a joke. Something that easy could build bridges. Move mountains.
It hadn't worked like that with Celeste. Connecting with her was something I was still trying to master. But I'd been getting better and sensed when she needed 'serious Lincoln,’ 'Take control,' Lincoln, 'Don't leave my side,' Lincoln. And I was more than happy to be any version she wanted.
