Page 40 of Safety Net
"I'm volunteering to help assemble a musical," I said.
Henrik answered simultaneously, "I'm worried about Lincoln's training."
"Musical and training," she said. "Let's start with training. I refuse to have your senior year end like this one did. What's this private coach doing? Samson said he was the best."
Grandma didn't know anything about hockey, nor did she have much interest in the sport until I came home after my first day of middle school and told her I wanted to go out for the team. After that, she made my dream her mission. She researched the best coaches, schools, and opportunities. My one-off comment and growing interest incentivized her to make my dream a reality.
When she heard about how our last season ended, she became the embodiment of fury. She even went as far as to threaten to sue the school for damages. Being well-acquainted with lawsuits, she had a decent chance of making some noise. But that fire was doused when her lawyers explained how long it'd take and how the outcome would most likely end in a settlement outside of court. And by that time, the world would have moved on. The damage wouldn't be undone. The school's declining reputation was as damaging as any lawsuit that could be brought against it.
"Anthony is the best," Henrik said.
"But…?" Grandma asked.
"But I don't know if he's the right choice. At least, not now. It's a lot of work on top of summer classes."
"Lincoln's enrolled in summer classes?"
Henrik looked at me.
"Oh, now, I finally get a chance to speak?" I asked, only half-teasing.
"The floor is yours," Henrik said. "For now."
I scoffed and picked up his phone to claim a monopoly on the microphone. "Look, Henrik's scared because I'm dealing with a minor injury. Anthony's a hardass; he won't give me a break. But I'm handling it and the classes. I know how to handle everything."
My impending academic probation and failing performance on the ice swirled in my brain, taunting me. Knowing how to handle everything was what she needed to hear, though. Guilt pinched at my stomach, yet I remained unmovable. I couldn't have her learn all her efforts in giving me the life I have had been a waste because of something as trivial as my lack of focus.
I had no leg to stand on in terms of excuses. Finn had struggled with a brain injury and had still managed to get better on and off the ice. Sam had been weighed down with the burden of leading the team, with the odds stacked against him. Henrik was ostracized from his (so-called) family because of his sexuality. And though he pretended not to be bothered by their lack of acceptance, I could see it gnawing at him every holiday he spent at home with us. They had valid reasons to waver, to feel the weight of the world on their shoulders and want to take detours to escape the pain.
"Is it working? The practice?" she asked. "Does it make you more confident for next season?"
I hesitate for a second. Finn and Henrik watched me closely. I'm tempted to use this opportunity to confess. We're just missing Sam and Naomi. If I told these guys the truth, they'd pass the information along, so I wouldn't have to repeat it if I didn't want to. Maybe my academic probation wasn't as bad as I'd built it up to be. Perhaps it wasn't the cry for help Henrik would make it out to be. I'd made a few questionable choices. Went to a few too many parties. And skipped a few lectures too many. Typical. Common even. I was so common that I bored myself to death. I was a stereotypical jock who couldn't hunker down long enough to make something of himself.
"The practice is working." I set the phone down so I would have my hands free to fidget with the paper on the table. Before I could continue, Grandma jumped in.
"Good, then focus on that," she said. "I don't know why you're taking summer classes. You get good grades, and you don't need to graduate early. You should drop them and pick them up in the fall."
Henrik nodded in agreement. Finn watched me for a reaction.
My throat went dry. I'd kept quiet about my grades since my sophomore year, when things began going downhill. Flunking two classes and barely passing the others for two semesters was enough incentive to keep my mouth shut. I got by with simple throwaway comments about getting Bs on exams. Or Cs on papers. Nothing too fancy or absurd enough to warrant a closer look. Because we were all adults here, it was much easier to keep your spiraling under wraps when you were an adult.
"I want to take the classes," I said.
"You want to take classes," Grandma repeated. "In the summer? My Lincoln wants to take classes in the summer."
"Oh, come on," I said, taking on a lighter tone. "You know I love education. I can't get enough of it. And something aboutMendell just makes me want to learn about everything. I'm hungry for knowledge."
Finn chuckled at Henrik's scoff of disbelief.
Grandma's quiet for a moment. She had to rely on Henrik's intuition. And she did as much by simply asking, "Henrik?"
Henrik looked at me. I knew I wouldn't win this battle, so I appealed to his soft spot for me.
"Come on," I mouthed. I softened my expression and gave him a shrug. It's enough to get him to at least back off while on the phone with her.
"He's really into this volunteer course," Henrik said with a sigh because he hated lying. He'd trained himself out of doing so years ago; now, he only took part in lies when he deemed them part of the greater good. He gave me a look that said he'd expected a hearty excuse for pulling back.
"Volunteering?" Grandma laughed. "Maybe a summer session is what you needed."
