Page 80 of Seeds of Love
This presentation is worth 70% of our final grade, so I can’t afford to slack off. Honestly, I’m feeling a little jittery. My grades have been steadily rising this year, even surpassing last year’s—something I’m genuinely proud of. I’ve worked hard to get here. The guys like to tease me when I turn down invitations to go out with them. Ethan in particular thinks it’s borderline sacrilege that I ended things with a couple of girls last year. None of the guys know about Alex and me, of course. But I’ve only slept with one girl since I took her virginity, and that was a drunken mistake after a particularly long day at my summer job at Ethan’s parents’ country club. Oh, and of course, the fucking insane sex I’ve had with Alexagain.
Dad’s name flashes on the screen, and I feel a mix of guilt and anxiety as I answer.
“Hey, Dad,” I say, trying to sound upbeat.
“Freddie.” His voice is gruff and tired. “You got a minute?”
I glance at my watch. “Yeah, sure. Everything okay?”
There’s a heavy sigh on the other end. “Not really, Son. The doctor bills came in today. It’s… it’s not good.”
My stomach drops. “How bad?”
“Bad enough,” he mutters. I can almost see him rubbing his temples. “Look, I hate to ask, but is there any chance you can pick up some extra hours at that campus job of yours?”
I stop walking and lean against the wall, closing my eyes. “Dad, I’m already working as much as I can. Between classes and the lab work?—”
“I know, I know,” he cuts me off, frustration evident in his voice. “It’s just… your mother’s working herself to the bone, and Megan’s talking about deferring college to work full time. I can’t let her do that, Freddie. I just can’t.”
The weight of his words settles on me like a physical thing. “There’s an opportunity that might be coming up for me after graduation, and maybe I can talk to my professor about a paid research position,” I offer weakly.
“Research?” Dad scoffs. “Freddie, we needrealmoney. Not some stipend that’ll barely cover groceries.”
I swallow hard, guilt churning in my gut. “I know, Dad. I’m trying.”
“Are you?” he snaps, then sighs heavily. “I’m sorry, Son. I don’t mean to take it out on you. It’s just… I’m supposed to be providing for this family, and I can’t even get out of bed some days without feeling like I’m gonna pass out.” He takes a breath before adding, “Don’t tell your mother that I called, please.”
“Dad, it’s okay,” I say, even though we both know it’s not. “We’ll figure something out.”
“Yeah, we will.” His voice is shaky.
“What about savings?” I ask, knowing it’s a long shot.
Dad’s bitter laugh confirms it. “What savings? We burned through that months ago. Freddie, I hate to put this on you, but you’re our best hope right now. You’re in college, learning valuable skills. Surely there must be some opportunities there for a smart kid like you to make some real money?”
Fuck. Hearing Dad like this—this guy, he used to be my fucking hero. The man who could fix anything, solve any problem.
The worst part? I can hear the shame in his voice, like he’s failed us somehow by getting sick. It makes me want to punch something, to scream at the unfairness of it all.
My dad, the man who taught me what it means to be a man, to protect and care for your family, is now the one who needs protecting. And he hates it. I can see it in the way he carries himself, in the sharpness of his silence.
God, what I wouldn’t give to see him stand tall again, to hear him laugh without that undercurrent of pain. But life’s a bitch, and right now, it’s got its claws in my family. And I’m the only one who might be able to do something about it.
It’s not like I haven’t been offered some help, Alfie offered to help. But, this isn’t anybody else’s burden to carry, and we’re not charity. Last week, he caught me on the phone with Mom, must've overheard something about the medical bills. He cornered me in the kitchen later, awkward as hell, shuffling his feet. “Listen,” he'd said, not quite meeting my eyes, “I know your family needs help and...fuck I don’t know how to say this but,” He shifted his weight, looking more uncomfortable than I'd ever seen him. "It wouldn't be a big deal. Just...you know. I could make some calls, move some things around.”
I shut that down immediately, maybe a bit too harshly. Told him I appreciated it but we didn’t need any handouts. The wordtasted bitter in my mouth, but I couldn't bear the thought of taking his money and owing my friend anything like that sort of sum. Dad's voice echoed in my head: “A man takes care of his own.”
Alfie just nodded, accepting it without pushing, and that was that. He grabbed a beer from the fridge, handed me one without a word, and we stood there in comfortable silence until I felt human again. Classic Alfie—offering help in that quiet way of his, then respecting the hell out of your decision to refuse it.
So, yeah, I’ll look into options. Even if those options make me feel like I’m selling a piece of my soul. Because that’s what you do for family. That’s what Dad would do. And maybe, just maybe, if I can pull this off, I’ll see a spark of that man in his eyes again. Even if it means becoming someone I’m not sure I want to be.
I think about the EcoTech position Dr. Reeves mentioned. It would pay well—really well. But it’s everything I’ve started to resent, everything Alex and I have been working against.
“I… I’ll look into some other things,” I say finally, the words tasting like ash in my mouth.
“That’s my boy,” Dad says, and the pride in his voice makes my chest ache. “I knew I could count on you. You’ve always been responsible.”
Our presentation fades to black.For a hot second, the lecture hall is so quiet I wonder if everyone’s taken a nap. I rub my sweating palms on my jeans.
