Page 38 of Seeds of Love
I fidget with the hem of my hoodie, sneaking a glance at him. God, he’s handsome. The way he’s scratching his jaw makes me reconsider this whole crazy plan. Maybe I won’t be able to cut off my feelings afterward.
Let me backtrack a bit. I, Alexandria Ford—four-time second-baser and definite virgin—just propositioned Freddie Donovan. Yes, you heard that right. And no, I haven’t been possessed by some sort of alien (though that would explain a lot).
It all started when I was studying at Freddie’s place. His usual hookup, Brianna, canceled on him, so he suggested I stay longer to study. That’s when my brain decided to short-circuit, and I blurted out the question I’d been mulling over since mydisastrous date with Eric, followed by two equally disastrous dates with so-called “nice guys” from class.
The other two weren’t as bad as Eric, who was… pretty awful. I haven’t even been able to look at him in class since, and luckily, I haven’t seen him around much. The other dates—well, they were just boring. There was no spark, no chemistry, no tingles or feelings that made me want to throw myself at the guy right then and there. Is that too much for a girl to ask for?
Eric’s assumption that I’d basically promised him my “virtue” via text (spoiler alert: I hadn’t) freaked me out. But it also got me thinking—I don’t want to be this person anymore, this bundle of nerves at the mere thought of intimacy.
So, in a moment of what I can only describe as temporary insanity, I decided Freddie was the perfect solution. Lose my V-card to someone I trust, then move on to a life of sexual liberation and eco-friendly condoms. Flawless logic, right?
Except now Freddie’s looking at me like I just suggested we go dumpster-diving in hazardous waste. And a horrifying thought occurs to me—what if he doesn’t find me attractive at all? What if I’m so far in the friend zone, I might as well be his sister?
“Say something,” I beg.
“I mean…” Freddie begins, but I’m already in full-blown panic mode.
“Look, we don’t have to do anything!” I blurt out, words tumbling over each other like drunk college students at last call. “It was a stupid suggestion. If you’re not attracted to me and think it’s too weird or gross, we can just go back to being friends and pretend I never opened my big, environmentally conscious mouth?—”
Freddie reels back like I just told him I’ve decided to become a coal lobbyist. “Lexie,” he says, my name falling from his lips like it’s the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
“Lexie,” he repeats, as if testing how it feels on his tongue.
I blink, wondering if I’ve somehow stumbled into an alternate universe where my name is a magic spell. “Yes?”
“You’re beautiful.”
Oh. My. God. I think my heart just combusted. Freddie Donovan has officially reduced me to a puddle of eco-friendly goo. I try to remind myself that this is just a scientific proposal, like testing the pH levels of soil. Except, you know, with more nudity and potential heartbreak.
His cheeks flush, and sweet baby pandas, he looks so freaking sexy. He clears his throat and looks out the window, probably contemplating his life choices. “Give me a minute, Lex. I promise I’ll be back in one minute.”
He saunters to the bathroom, leaving me to face-plant into his pillow and question every life decision that led me to this moment. The minute feels like an eternity. I half expect to emerge from the pillow with a white beard and tales of my hundred-year wait.
When Freddie returns, his cheeks are back to their normal, unfairly perfect shade. He flashes me that signature Freddie smile, the one that makes me want to hug a tree and save the world all at the same time.
“So, Lex.” He chuckles. “Sorry for freaking out a little. I’ve thought about it, and I accept your proposal.”
Holy moly.
Freddie Donovan wants to have sex with me. I’m going to lose my virginity to Freddie Donovan. My eyes widen, and my palms start sweating immediately. Real sexy, Alex. Nothing says “take me now” like clammy hands and a shocked expression.
Oblivious to my internal meltdown, Freddie paces his room like a caged tiger. “I want you to lose your virginity to somebody who loves you, and I do. You’re the best friend I have.”
My chest tightens, each breath feeling like I’m inhaling shards of glass. I force a smile, ignoring the bitter taste of irony. Isn’t that exactly what I asked for? So why does it feel like someone reached into my chest and squeezed my heart?
“I think we should agree this is a one-time thing,” he continues. “I don’t want to lose you, and I think this could complicate things between us.”
I nod again, wondering if I’ve forgotten how to speak English. “Yes. Right. One-time thing. That’s what I was thinking. Then no sex, no kissing, no spooning, or other…fondling.”
He raises an eyebrow, looking annoyingly sexy. “Define fondling.”
Is he being serious?
He’s looking at me with an intensity that makes me realize he is. “I—well, you know. It’s when I would, well, grab or maybe suck?—”
Freddie bursts out laughing, and I glare at him, secretly relieved he broke the tension. He sits next to me on the bed, and suddenly the air feels charged, like we’re in the eye of a very confusing, very hormonal tornado.
“Seriously, Lexie,” he says, his voice softer now. “I think those rules are good. Smart.”
