Page 20 of Seeds of Love
I stop, suddenly embarrassed by my outburst. But when I look at Alex, there’s no pity in her eyes, just understanding and... is that admiration? It makes my heart do a little flip that I immediately try to squash.
We sit in comfortable silence for a moment, and it’s hard not to reach out to her.
“You know,” Alex says finally, a mischievous glint in her eye that never fails to make my heart race, “if you need extra cash,I could totally market this granola. We could call it ‘Freddie’s Family Nut Mix’ or something.”
I burst out laughing. “Oh god, please no. I have a reputation to maintain, Lexie.”
“What reputation?” Alex smirks, her eyes glimmering. “The biggest dork on campus?”
“Nah, that’s all you.” I mime placing a crown on her head. “I’m the ultra-cool, handsome, charming man the ladies can’t resist.” I lean back, closing my eyes like I’m posing for a magazine cover. I crack one eye open to find her rolling her eyes, but I can see she’s fighting back a laugh.
“Okay, fine. How about ‘Freddie’s Fun Crunch’? We could put your face on the package, looking all smoldering and handsome.”
“So you think I’m handsome?”
“No! I was just?—”
“It’s okay, Lexie. Everyone thinks I’m the most handsome guy in the world.”
“I don’t think that! I was only?—”
“Lexie, Lexie, Lexie.” I look at her properly now, trying not to laugh because she’s glaring at me like I just threw her granola in the trash.
“You know what? Fine. Whatever.” She crosses her arms, all huffy.
I lose it, doubling over laughing.
“You’re too fucking easy.”
She snorts. “Oh my god, you’re impossible.” She shoves me, and I go full drama queen, falling back like I’ve been shot.
“Help! I’ve been assaulted by a tree-hugger! Someone call the Lorax!”
Alex is giggling so hard now she can barely breathe, and I find myself grinning like an idiot.
She shakes her head, smiling. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Yeah, but you love me anyway.”
The words slip out before my brain can catch up with my mouth.Shit. Instead of the witty comeback I’m hoping for, Alex goes quiet, her cheeks turning pink as she suddenly finds the cafeteria floor fascinating.
“I, uh…” she stammers, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I mean, you’re... you’re not terrible to hang out with, I guess.”
Oh.
Oh no.
Did I just make things weird? I totally made things weird, didn’t I?
An awkward silence descends, thick enough to cut with a knife. Alex is still staring at the ground like it holds the secrets of the universe, and I’m frantically searching for something—anything—to un-fuck this situation.
Christ, I have to be more careful with her. She’s not like the girls I usually spend time with. She’s just different, okay? Still sees the world through rose-colored glasses, still believes in shit like true love and happy endings. Sometimes I forget how inexperienced she is, how easy it might be to push her away without even meaning to.
I love hanging with Lexie, giving her shit and studying together. Now that her guard’s down with me, I can see she’s funny and smart as hell. But that’s all it can be. She’s not looking for some casual hookup—made that real fucking clear in truth or dare the other night. And me? I’m in no position to have a girlfriend. I’ve got bigger problems than dating. My family needs me. They willalwayscome first.
So, I need to keep my shit in check. I can’t let her think we’re something we’re not. Even though, sometimes, late at night, I catch myself thinking about her. About the way she bites herlip when she’s concentrating. About how she’d feel pressed up against?—
Jesus Christ, Donovan. Get your head out of your ass.
