Page 18 of Thaw My Heart
More alone than I have ever been.
And I wonder when it came to this. Did Milo wake up one morning and decide that I wasn’t enough? Or was it gradual? Did he stop being aroused by me? Did he stop thinking that I was beautiful? Did heeverthink that I was beautiful? Maybe it was all a lie. Maybe I was nothing but a show for his family. Maybe he cracked under the pressure of being told to settle down and start a family.
Not knowing is nauseating. I could spend a lifetime wonderingwhy,but it would never be enough. I would never find the answers I so desperately want.
I can’t do this anymore. I know that I can’t. I’m going to drive myself to insanity with the back and forth. With the constant analyzing and picking apart my every thought and feeling, trying to find a rhyme or reason for why everything sucks so much. Iknow, deep down, that there’s nothing I can do to fix this. I could meditate. I could drink myself to death. Hell, I could call Milo right now and take him back. But none of it would fill the gaping pit in my chest.
So, what am I to do?
I know the answer, but I don’t like it. It’s the scariest thing imaginable, and the thought of it makes me sick.
I have to…try new things.I have to get out there and try different puzzle pieces, hoping they’ll fit in the hole in my chest to make me complete.
And as much as I may dislike it, I think I might know where to start.
I think I should learn to ski with my best friend’s older brother.
CHAPTER 8
CODY
She’s so bad at skiing, it’s funny. She’s like a dog on roller skates. No coordination. No rhythm. No damn idea what she’s doing. It’s cute. Finally, there’s something I know more about than Darcy.Ihave the ability to teachhersomething. I feel like an all-powerful king.
“You’re a shit teacher, Cody!” Darcy roars after losing her balance for the third time in five minutes, and we haven’t even made it past pizza then french fry style skiing. We’re not even on the slope yet today and I’m still just trying to teach her the basics.
Alright. So maybe I’m not a respected king, but I am a king nonetheless.
“Maybe you’re just a shit listener!” I yell back, straining my voice to be heard above the heavy winds that rolled in overnight. It’s not a very good day to teach a beginner. It’s extra cloudy, extra cold, and extra snowy. All recipes for disaster. With my luck, I’ll have another girl laid up with a sprained ankle by sundown.
“What?!” Darcy calls, wobbling too much for my comfort.
I start to make a comment that she’s just proved my exact point, but she’s struggling enough as it is. I decide to have mercy.
“Nothing! Never mind!”
One of my other clients, a regular who’s been coming to the resort for several years now, Randall, comes up beside me. He’s an older man, hair fully gray with just a few specs of brown in the front. He looks older than he really is and he’s freaked me out more than once with the risks he takes on the slopes. The paperwork I’d have to fill out if he got himself hurt would be a complete nightmare.
“She’s a firecracker,” he exclaims with a boisterous chuckle. “Like my ex-wife, Martha. Same red hair, too.”
What Iwantto say is, “Great, now go away, creepy old man,” but what Iactuallysay because—as my boss likes to reiterate—the customer is always right, “Yes, sir, she is a special one. Or at least, I like to think so.”
I look over at Darcy and find her glowering at me.
Oh, I am so dead once we get off this mountain.
Randall moves toward Darcy, and I know, without any shadow of doubt, that we are both completely and utterly screwed.
“Hey, Red!” he greets her. “What’s your name?”
Darcy is clearly trying with all of her efforts to focus, but she manages to grit her teeth and hiss, “None of your business, old man. Back off.”
Randall laughs. “Oh, feisty! I’ve known girls like you. The red hair makes the temper.”
I know I need to step in. I need to help her. But before I even have the chance, Darcy snaps back. “This temper is going to make you sorry if you don’t back the fuck off, dude.”
Randall does not seem dissuaded in the slightest. “Aren’t you quick?! Say, why don’t I buy you a drink tonight? Something sweet. We can have some fun.”
That’s my cue to interfere. I get between them—which is a challenge because Darcy is all over the place—and herd Randalltoward the trees. We both stop and square up to one another while Darcy slides to a stop behind us.
