Page 27 of Reconnected Hearts
I smile at the familiar voice. I can hear muffled chaos somewhere nearby, most likely Lila and Betty bickering about something silly. “Hey, Mom. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”
“Oh, no, not at all!” Her voice fades as she moves away from the phone and I can hear her amusedly scold through a laugh. “Girls, please, be civilized! Your brother is on the phone.”
The excited chattering of the girls grows closer as my mother returns to the call.
“Sorry, hon. Your sisters were just having a very heated discussion on which side of their dessert is bigger. Apparently, the jury is still out.”
I want to be there. More than anything. It’s almost as if I can smell the scent of my mom’s freshly baked chocolate chip cookies through the phone. I can picture the kids sitting around the kitchen table, putting off their homework for as long as possible and giggling over things that are so terribly important to little girls—crushes, bands, elementary school gossip.
“The jury being Iris, right?” I ask.
“Of course.” My mother chuckles, and I can hear the vague sound of dishes clattering in the sink. She’s probably balancing her phone between her shoulder and cheek, making time to talk to me even as she’s working tirelessly to get chores done after a long shift. I try not to dwell on how difficult things have surely gotten for her since I moved out. The thought of it is nauseating.
“Any update on your flight?” she inquires. “I thought for sure they’d get you to Maryland by now.”
I sigh, depressed by the mere mention of my banishment to Charlotte, North Carolina. “They say tomorrow morning, and I hope to God that they mean it. I got my interview rescheduled for the afternoon, and I don’t think they’ll be inclined to give me another chance after that.”
“Oh, Noah, I’m sorry.” My mom hums sadly. “I know how badly you want this job. It was—Betty!” There’s rummaging, then my youngest sister's voice comes in loud and clear. She’s stolen my mother’s phone, I deduce with a grin.
“Maybe she’s sorry about your job, Noah, but I’m not. I don’t want you to move away. You belonghere.”
I swallow thickly. I don’t think I can handle this right now. She’ll send me right over the edge, every unpleasant emotion I’ve been shoving down simmering together in a stew of anxiety until they explode.
“Betts, please?—”
“No. You’re not allowed to leave us. I’ll never forgive you for it.”
I’m doing this for you, I want to scream.All of it is for you.
I keep my lips tightly closed. She can't understand without knowing the entire truth, but the truth will break her heart. She’s too young to know that kind of pain.
To my relief, my mother’s voice shortly returns to the call. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Noah. I don’t know why she—” She exhales heavily, with a sort of weight to it that only years of exhaustion can bring. “I sent the girls to their room, and I promise I’ll talk with Betty about this later. Are you alright?”
No, not even close.
“It’s fine, Mama. I’m fine.”
“Noah—”
“I gotta go,” I interrupt. “I’ll call you later, alright?”
“Noah, please…”
My mother begging is a pain unlike any other. I know it’s my job to ease her worries, but I’ve been selfless enough this week. I deserve to be selfish for once. “Bye, Mom.”
I hang up and immediately feel my lungs tightening. I managed to put it off for my family’s sake, but the impending doom is crushing me now. I can’t fight it anymore.
I breathe in and out, but it’s getting harder and harder with each desperate gasp. A cruel voice is screaming in my head.
Failure, disappointment, letdown.
I’ve spent the last six years of my life trying to fix everything. I didn’t get to be a normal kid. I didn’t get to have a high school graduation because I was dealing with family drama. I didn’t get to follow my dreams becausedreams don’t pay bills.And I didn’t even care because I knew stepping up to help my family was what I was meant for.
But now I’m not so sure anymore, it feels like no matter how hard I try it’s a losing battle.
And the thought of it all being for nothing feels like a stack of bricks crashing down and trapping me inside. I’m suffocating. My vision is blurry. I’mexpendable.
“Noah?” Her voice is a million miles away. For a moment, I think I’ve imagined it.
