Page 24 of Reconnected Hearts
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” I agree. “Let’s stop for food on the way. I’ll buy you dinner.”
Lucy gives me a lazy once over out of the corner of her eye.
“Don’t you think you should’ve done thatbeforeyou jumped my bones?”
My face heats up. I hope against all odds that it’s too dark for Lucy to notice, but the way she’s barely hiding a smirk says otherwise.
She hasgotto stop with this poking-fun-at-me nonsense. After a day trapped in near solitude with her, my ego is beat up enough as it is.
“Look, Noah, I get that you want to be all chivalrous and gentlemanly or whatever,” she chides, her voice crackling slightly as she sharply tears her eyes away from mine, “But that ship has sailed. We screwed. You got the prize. You don’t need to impress me anymore.”
I stop walking, unable to do much of anything but stare at her incredulously. If I wasn’t sure before, I definitely am now.
Lucy Marino has lost her damn mind.
She notices I’m no longer trailing loyally after her and turns around, looking at me likeI’mthe crazy one.
"What?" she demands.
"'What?'" I echo. "What do you mean 'what'? You know exactlywhat. You're walking around here acting like I've committed some crime bylikingyou. Maybe this thing started as a drunken night together, Lucy, but that's not all it has to be. I don't know what the hell I did to make you think that all I care about is a decent fuck, but you're wrong. I likeyou, Lucy, not your body."
I take a step closer to her, my voice softening. "I like the way you bite your lip when you're deep in thought, like you're trying to solve all the world's problems in your head. I like how you adjust your glasses when you're nervous, like it's your way of steadying yourself before facing a challenge."
Lucy's eyes widen slightly, but she doesn't interrupt, so I continue. "I like how passionate you get when you're talking about something you care about, how your whole face lights up and your hands start gesturing wildly. It's like watching a firecracker come to life."
I smile, shaking my head. "And I love how you wear your heart on your sleeve, even when you try to hide it. You're not afraid to stand up for what you believe in, even if it means going against the grain. That takes a special kind of courage, Lucy, and it's one of the things I admire most about you."
I reach out, gently tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "So don't youdarefuckingtell me that all I care about is your body, because that couldn't be further from the truth. I care aboutyou, Lucy, all of you. And if you'd just give me a chance, I'd love to try to prove that to you."
Lucy stares at me, her lips parted slightly in surprise.
“You don’t like me, Noah. Not really. You can’t. You don’t know me. Maybe you’ve formed some kind of anxious attachment, but it won’t last. This time tomorrow when you’re sitting next to a pretty blonde in some Providence bar celebrating your new, fancy job, I won't even cross your mind.”
“That’s not true. It’s not. Lucy, you are?—”
She turns her head away from me and screws her eyes shut.“Stop it. Just—stop. You don’t mean any of this, Noah.” Her eyes open, and they’re filled with sadness. It’s like a slap to the face. “Don’t try to make me think you’re different. You’re not.” She lets out a humorless laugh and puts her walls back up just as I was finally beginning to see the pain behind her angry exterior. “You all say you’re different, but it’s always the same. I believe you, and all I get in return is a broken heart. I’m not doing it again, I can’t. Don’t make this harder than it already is, alright? Let’s just get through tomorrow, part ways, and forget we ever knew each other.”
The idea makes me sick, but the way Lucy’s looking at me makes me even sicker.
“Alright,” I tell her, dejected but doing my best to hide it. “Tomorrow, it’s back to strangers.”
We stare at each other and for a moment, it almost seems like she hates this as much as I do. Then she turns and walks away, and all I can do is watch her leave.
I want to yell at her to come back. I want to argue and scream because at least that would be better than silence. But I don’t. I can’t. I’ve just torn myself open to her and she rejected it, coldly.
I follow after her and remain a safe distance away until we reach the hotel. She branches off in the direction of a coffee shop in the lobby, but I go straight to the room. I need to get my shit together before I face Lucy again. I’m afraid if I tried to look at her right now, I’d become a pathetic puddle on the floor.
I relax into the lumpy cushions of the futon couch (that I’m entirely certain will be my “luxurious” bed tonight) and stare up at the ceiling. I can’t fathom how it all went to hell so quickly. Not even just with Lucy. Witheverything.It’s starting to seem like every time I come close to having something good, it gets messed up—Imess it up.
My family, college, my interview, Lucy. I dug my own grave, climbed in, and buried myself alive with all of it.
I know feeling sorry for myself isn’t helping anything. I’m just a sad guy on a sad couch. But at this point, I don’t think there are any other options. I can’t fix things with Lucy. I can’t go to my interview. I can’t make it to the pot of gold on the other side of the damn rainbow. I’museless.
I check my phone, hoping against all odds for some good news—hell, anynot negativenews—but there’s nothing. Not even a spam email.
Depressing.
My lockscreen is the only thing staring back at me. It’s a photo of me with my sisters, taken about a month before I started college. I remember it like it was yesterday. Betty, only three at the time, was in her “pushing the boundaries” phase. She was constantly testing to see how much she could get away with. Admittedly, I wasn’t much help. I thought anything she did was adorable. Until she poured a glass of chocolate milk on my favorite pair of sneakers. She wasn’t so cute then. I yelled, she cried—it was a whole thing. Somehow, Lila and Iris ended up backing Betty, andIended up at the bottom of a dog pile on the floor. My mom snapped the picture and had it framed the next day, even though we certainly didn’t have the money to frame a photo. I’ve kept it as my background ever since for luck, but it’s apparently losing its touch if my current predicament is any indication.
