Page 50 of Heartbeats and Hashtags
He nods, eyes downcast. “It’s my fault too. You didn’t know. I don't talk about him much. It's still raw. But Clara and Lily are the only real family I have left now.” Cole pauses, looking up at me hesitantly. “I'd like for you to meet them properly someday.”
My heart swells a little at this. I know how private Cole is. For him to open up this personal anguish and trust me enough to meet his family...it means everything.
I give him a small but warm smile. “I'dreallylike that.”
Cole's shoulders relax. We still so have much to learn about each other, but this feels like a turning point. Like another brick has been removed from the walls between us, bridging the distance inch by inch.
Cole takes a deep, shuddering breath before speaking again. “My brother Lewis wassoexcited to have a family. We all hung out together a lot when Lily was born. Then when he passed, I… It broke me. It’s hard to think about him, even to see them.”
Cole stares down at his hands. “Clara's more like a sister now. And Lily...she’s one of the greatest kids I know.” He smiles, shaking his head.
“Lewis and I first discovered jujitsu as kids. Our dad was really into MMA, like ahugefan, and thought it would be good for his two sons to learn some discipline.”
A hint of a wistful smile tugs at the corner of Cole's mouth.
“I can still remember how excited we were on the way to our very first class, already playfully grappling and throwing mock punches in the backseat of the car. We took to it right away - the intricate techniques, the mental strategizing, the exhilaration of competition. Lewis and I practiced religiously in our backyard makeshift dojo, motivating each other to perfect every strike, hold, and submission. We even competed in local tournaments.” He sighs deeply,
“Ev, we thought we were fucking invincible.” I wince.Nobody is invincible.
His smile fades, a shadow passing over him.
“After my brother…died, even thinking about jujitsu was too painful. Those memories cut too deep. I stopped practicing completely. But seeing how much you helped those young girls, sharing a hobby with them, it inspired me. When I saw those boys at the youth center soenergeticandhungryto learn it reminded me so much of Lew and I when we were kids. I knew Ihadto push past the ache. To at least try to pass on the thing that had shaped us so profoundly growing up.”
Cole absently rubs at his chest, voice thickening.
“Maybe it sounds silly, but sharing jujitsu feels like keeping his defiant spirit alive. I think he'd be proud I can honor what we meant to each other by passing it on.”
I squeeze Cole's hand.
“It's not silly at all,” I murmur.
He looks up at me hesitantly.
“I don't usually talk up like this. But I want you to understand why they matter so much and why I kept them private.”
My heart swells, listening to Cole bare his soul. I take his hand again and meet his vulnerable gaze directly.
“Thank you for sharing this with me, Cole. I know it wasn't easy,” I say softly. “They sound like amazing people. When you're ready, I'd love to meet them and see how much they clearly mean to you.”
Relief washes over Cole's face. He squeezes my hand tightly back. “You will, I promise.”
Later, I'll think about how much remains unsaid between us. But for now, I'm touched by Cole's rare honesty.
We decided it’s safe to stay at my house. Cole's guys have been in and set up indoor hidden cameras despite my initial protests. I don’t like the idea of being watched in my own home, but Cole reassures me that the cameras are solely there to catch this guy and hand them off to the police for harassment, stalking, and breaking and entering.
He said that the cameras would provide unequivocal evidence and this guy would then be out of my life for good. I stipulated that I wanted to have full control over the footage before anybody else. I wanted it stored on my devices only, and then I could share it with him or the police if I wished.
I can’t sleep,so I head out my room planning on heading downstairs for a drink, but I don’t make it past the hallway. In the crook of the dimmed hallway, right where shadows danced with remnants of moonlight that crept through a single pane, stood Cole.
My gaze hardens on him hungrily. I hope a desperate plea for closer contact spills out of my blue eyes.
“Cole?” I whisper.
“Hey, I couldn’t sleep,” he murmurs quietly. We’re both speaking quietly even though there is nobody else in the house we could wake. It’s strange how it feels wrong somehow to speak loudly in the middle of the night.
He steps closer, and I can see him clearer now.
His green ones bore into me, and his taut muscles are stretched beneath his black tee. The tiniest hint of a smirk starts to rise on the corner of his lips.
