Page 60 of Captured By the Scaled Outlaw
I snap out of my thoughts, nodding. “Ah, yeah. Sorry.”
The key clicks and the engine winds down to silence.
“Not excited anymore about your newfound mechanical prowess?” Lowell teases, the softness of his voice tearing through my thoughts.
I slip back into the tent, zipping the door to the sandcycle shelter behind me. “No… uh, I was just thinking about how I’m going to explain myself when I get home is all.” My brow creases as I lie.
Leaning forward, a bead of sweat slides down his jaw. His fever waxes and wanes by the hour, but it ultimately shows signs of relenting. I’m grateful for the hearty Lizardfolk immune system.
“The plan is for you to return to Nilsan, explaining your failure due to the Giant’s domain expansion. Right?” he asks, a fleshy eyebrow lifted.
I didn’t think he’d actually remember. I’m not about to tell him I feel discomforted by the thought of leaving him and Gaia 4. That I’m apprehensive about returning to Nilsan.
I match his confused expression weakly. “Yeah… I’m a little nervous they won’t buy it, or worse, they’ll discover my involvement or something.” While not a total lie, I flounder with the reasoning.
Breaking eye-contact, Lowell wipes his face with a handkerchief. I can’t tell if he’s sweating from the suffocating heat, his fever, or the unspoken tension that remains between us. There is a thread of uncertainty that lingers on his face, as though he can see right through me.
“What’s with you all of a sudden? I thought you’d be annoyingly giddy about returning home.”
My eyebrows lift to my hairline like an animal caught in a snare. “I’m nervous, okay?” I wipe my face with my hand, grains of sand stuck to dried blood. “I’m not ready to go back and face the reality of what happened in Misya Swamp. I’ve been suppressing the thoughts, but now… it’s overwhelming. The thought of being back in my lab almost makes my skin crawl.”
Lowell’s laugh startles me, his fangs on full display in a toothy smirk. “What, do you not want to go back to Nilsan? You should just admit you want to be a criminal, because I know this has nothing to do with Misya. You love being bad, that’s all there is to it.”
My jaw drops in disbelief as my cheeks heat. “What are you on about?” I snap.
Lying on his back, Lowell gazes at me with lowered eyes. His expression is devious. “You know, the only other person I’ve ever seen kill someone with a smile is me.”
The mood between us dramatically shifts, as if a spotlight is shining on me.
“Stress and panic can make the human body react unexpectedly,” I mutter, hugging my arms into my chest.
“‘React unexpectedly,’ as in getting wet watching me eat a man whole?” His tail twitches with intrigue as he speaks.
I’m exposed, ripped open in front of him as if I were skinned. My heart does not stop pounding at the memories, the surge ofoverwhelming feelings.
“That didn’t—”
“Oh, stop lying, already,” Lowell scoffs, spinning his hand in a circle. “You wouldn’t have fucked me if I was some Nilsanian hippie pacifist. Youlikethe danger.” His gaze is probing, piercing me as if I were made of glass. “You act like you’re some logical scientist who has a reason for everything, with all your puzzles and theorizing — but at the heart of it, you like the exhilaration of adrenaline. You likebeing bad.”
My lip stings as I bite down hard enough to draw blood.
“We aren’t so different, you and me,” he says, licking the corner of his mouth. “We merely see different paths to the same goal.”
“We are nothing alike,” I dispute. “I have self-control.”
Lowell laughs heartily, grabbing at his side with a wince when his chest lifts a little too high. “I too am pulled towards death and fear. The feeling of warmth and chill that cycle through my blood when a firearm is pointed at me and I could lose my life. The excitement that comes from felling an enemy with my bare hands and feasting on their body, the moments of peace and safety before crashing down from the rush.”
My lips part as my breathing turns heavy. Remembering our encounter with the criminals at the pass makes me feel… odd.
He winks at me, slow and sultry. He knows his words are exciting me, and I don’t doubt that my skin looks as heated as I feel.
“But the best part of fear, as you know all-too-well, is the sexual arousal,” he hums, closing his eyes and mouth as if savoring a decadent sweet. “I almost came in my pants when I saw the look in your eyes as I ripped the head off the bandit who was going to kill you. Your face… your gaze—” His hum deepens, his lips pressed together in a wicked grin. “You wanted me right there and then, right?”
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I can’t refute him. He described my feelings back to me with words I couldn’tfind myself… feelings I barely understand. I’m no animal, but when I’m around Lowell, I might as well be. He makes me feel like I’ve woken up from a long, dull dream.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel the same.” Bright pools of amber burn holes into my skull, fiery and oppressive.
“I… don’t know what you want out of this conversation,” I say, the sting of frustrated tears beginning to burn at the corner of my eyes. “If I said I did, then what? I go back to my life knowing that I’m no different from a murderous criminal? That I’m some psycho who gets off on killing? I’m already returning with the burden of guilt, so what’s your angle? To make me go back as a hollow husk of who I used to be?”
