Page 92 of Captured By the Scaled Outlaw
Taking his hand between mine, I give it a soft squeeze. “I told you, I’m not joining Gaia 4 until you are officially taken off the eco-terrorist watchlist. I’m happy as your unofficial consultant for now. Until that changes, Guy will continue to escort me,” I say, arching my back when he tickles my side with his free hand.
Lowell has gotten into the habit of pinching and tickling me when he’s not satisfied with my answer, always looking for a way to get a rise out of me. It’s the only subtle act of aggression I let him get away with.
“I think our allies are happy about that, too. That minister lady still refuses to look at me. I don’t think she’d let me through the door without you at my side,” he says, pretending to be upset over it.
“You’re not really… uh, as you said before, ‘good with words,’” I grimace. Between Lowell’s excessive profanity and “let’s just kill them all” attitude, he is not very popular with the diplomats. He did warn me, though. I’ll give him that.
“Yeah, whatever. So when we’re officially off the watchlist, you’ll join?” he asks, enveloping me in his arms. Gently, he rocks me back and forth from behind.
I laugh. “I’ll think about it.”
Grunting in frustration, Lowell squeezes me tighter. “I’ll eat you if you don’t join.”
“Oh, behave. I’ve heard that threat before,” I rebut, kissing the flared nostrils of his snout. “Why can’t you just be satisfied with how things are?”
He releases me from his hold, dropping his hands to his side. I hate the emptiness the absence of his touch creates, and the longing for him that festers within me afterwards. I’ve grown dangerously accustomed to his constant touching, even when other Gaia 4 members are around.
I’ve been melting my ironclad walls for him for a while now, and it’s only a matter of time before I totally give in. The thought strangely excites me, my ears and chest turning red.
Rounding the log, Lowell sits next to me, his elbows resting on his knees. “Because there is no certainty you’ll stay, and I don’t like that. I want you to be bound to me with no way out. Only then will I be satisfied.”
“Even if I join, I could always leave. It’s no guarantee either way,” I say. By his expression, I realize that what I’ve said will in no way make him feel better.
Lowell’s tail sways behind us, smacking the bushes and scattering their leaves. He’s been doing that recently when he gets anxious, a new emotion he’s gained regarding our relationship.
“When I want something, I want it to be mine and mine alone, understand?” he says, an agitated growl building in his throat.
“I’m not an object, Lowell,” I rebuke.
His hands flex, muscles bulging. His tail stops, still. “Are you being defiant just to piss me off?”
I scrunch my face into a deep frown, a vein nearly bursting from my forehead. “The last place I committed almost half of my life to was a literal hub for criminal activity. How can you not understand that I never want to permanently align myself with anything like that again?I’m not ready to be committed for awhile. So,stoppushing me.”
Lowell recoils, his brows furrowed in offense. “I’m nothing like Nilsan. I’m hurt that you’d even say that.”
His softened expression quickly gets me to snuff out my fury, and I know he knows that that look of self-pity is my weakness. It pisses me off, but I can’t help it.
I scoff, crossing my arms with a pout. “I didn’t sayyouwere like Nilsan. I’m just in no position to sign up for another organization for the rest of my life.”
I glance at him from the corner of my eye, urging him to tread carefully.
With anger simmering, Lowell bares his teeth. “So, what, you’ve got one foot out the door at all times then? How is that supposed to make me feel, huh?”
Sometimes I feel like hechoosesnot to understand me. Lowell always throws this in my face, as though I’d abandon him even after I gave up my entire life.
He really is such an idiot.
“Of course not! It’s more complicated than that,” I say, shaking my head profusely.
“I don’t see how. All it means to me is that you’ll always be looking for something better — a way out,” he snorts. “You don’t have a reason to stay.”
I throw my arms up into the air, my voice boiling to a shout. “If loving you is not enough, then what else is there?”
A silence falls between us.
Dammit.
Lowell’s tail starts to sway.
