Page 60 of The Billionaire's Kiss
Chapter Twenty-Six
Orla
Cara arrived for her waitressing shift just as I came in to tend the bar. She bumped her shoulder to mine as she caught up to me. “So, how’s it been goin’ with old Killian? It’s been about three months now, hasn’t it?”
It hadn’t been bad, but it hadn’t been amazing either. “It’s okay. He’s been very busy tending to the groundskeeping business, as his father took on a job as head groundskeeper for some rich guy. It’s all top secret from what Killian’s told me. His father isn’t allowed to say where he’s working or who he’s working for.”
Cara put her apron on, then ran her hands over her straight blonde hair to ensure it was all smoothed out. “I heard that Mr. Knight—you remember, the Englishman who owns that tavern that you ran away from like a child—”
“What about him?” I interrupted. I knew who she was talking about.
“I heard he’s bought an estate. I bet you that’s who Killian’s father is working for. That man is extremely secretive for some reason.”
“Something about him made me feel a bit scared, to be honest with you. It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if he bought himself some creepy place to take women so they could play those BDSM games.” I shuddered as I went behind the bar and put on an apron.
“Anyway,” she said as she sat at the bar. There were only two guests seated at the bar, so she had the time. “You never answered my question. How’s it goin’ with Killian?”
“Like I said, he’s busy.” I still hadn’t let him come over to my place yet, and he wasn’t happy about it. “He’s sort of frustrated with me because I haven’t had sex with him yet.”
Her brows rose in surprise. “And why haven’t you done that?”
“I just don’t know about him yet. He’s run off on me so many times that I can’t find it in myself to trust him fully. And I’m not about to have sex with a man I can’t fully trust.” I didn’t have the heart to tell Killian that I still held another man in my heart and that that was the real reason I hadn’t had sex with him. Even kissing him felt wrong, so there was damn little of that as well.
“You know, I don’t think you’re giving that man a proper chance to win your affection.” She nodded at me as if she could see right through me.
I knew I wasn’t. “Look, it’s just not going to be that easy for me to fall in love with him. We’ve got too much history for me to forget what’s happened in our past. At least, not for some time. I suppose he’ll have to prove to me that he’s not going anywhere before I can let my guard down with him again.”
“He’s a cutie, you know that, right?” She winked at me. “Many a girl wants that man. And if you won’t give him the affection a man needs, he’s likely to find it elsewhere.”
Not even a hint of jealousy flared in me at the thought. “If that’s what he wants, he’s free to go for it. Who am I to stop him from searching for love elsewhere?”
“I thought you were his girl? He calls you that. And what do you call him, Orla?”
“I call him Killian. When I’m talking about him to someone, I say Killian this and Killian that. I don’t call himmyanything. And that’s because he’snotmine, and regardless of what he calls me, I’m not yet his anything either. But I am giving him the time and the chance to prove he won’t run off again. And, in time, that may be enough to allow me to open my heart to him.” At least I knew that my heart could open up. It had with Warner.
“I hope he’ll wait that long for you, Orla. I truly do. I think that man is going places in his life now that he’s being groomed to take over his father’s business—they’re doing very well right now.” She winked at me. “You could do worse, you know.”
I knew one thing for damn sure.I can do better, too.
I hadn’t told anyone about my time with Warner. The people who’d gone on the trip with me knew about it, especially the people who I’d ridden with in the shuttle. They’d seen me crying all the way to the airport, wailing like a banshee about my heart feeling as if it was being ripped out of my body. But they’d been nice enough not to go about town talking about what a fool I’d been to hook up with the resort owner.
No one I worked with knew about Warner. And if I had my way, none of them ever would. I had a hard enough time keeping that man out of mind as it was. I didn’t need anyone else bringing him up.
“I’ve gotta get to work, Cara.” I turned away from her to begin polishing the glassware. “These glasses aren’t going to clean themselves.” I was done with the conversation anyway. I didn’t need to hear how wonderful Killian was or how many girls would love to be in my place.
Those girls never had to wait for a phone call that never came until the moment they finally got over him. Killian had always seemed to have an abnormal sense of timing—as if he exactly knew when I’d moved on or forgotten about him. And that’s right when he would show up to win me back. And that had worked for him time and time again.
By God, it’s working for him even now!
Somehow, he’d made me feel guilty about not giving him one more chance. I’d caved and told him that we could see how things went. He’d been patient with me, and that was something new.
As I rubbed a tall glass with my white bar towel, I thought about how much Killian had truly changed. He wasn’t a totally new person, but he had grown up enough in the time we were apart that it made a difference. And then I wondered about how he instinctively knew when I had put him out of my mind.
We must have more of a connection than I thought.
If there were no connection at all, I wouldn’t have cared if he was sad or not. I wouldn’t have cared if he wanted another chance with me. Hehadgrown as a man. I could see that clearly now. He’d found patience. He’d found commitment. And he’d even found trust.
I was the one who hadn’t found any of that for him. I’d only felt guilt. Maybe I was just as much at fault for all the breakups after all. It may well have been my guarded heart that had kept the love from developing in our relationship.
I’d blamed him for so long for running away that I must not have looked at my part in how things had played out.
He always came back to me. He always knew when my heart was heading in another direction. And that could’ve only come from a real connection. One he recognized, and I was blind to.
And more than that, Killian was actually here. He was here, and he wanted to be with me. And I couldn’t say that about everyone.
