Page 56 of The Virgin's Baby
“Even me?” I had to ask.
With a nod, he went on, “Even you. But I need you to remain in my life. For our kids. Once I’ve got a girl to give herself up to me, I no longer look at her as anything more than a conquest, and I don’t want anything more from her.”
“In your past, you’ve been that way.” I reached down to take his hands in mine, holding them as I looked into his eyes. “You and I are friends. Best friends, most of the time. Don’t you think you might not be that way with me?”
For the longest time, he stared right back into my eyes. “I need you so much, that I’m not willing to risk it.”
“You need me, but you don’t want me?” I asked.
“No, I want you too.” He looked up at the ceiling as he sighed deeply. “But I can’t have you. If I do, then I’m pretty sure that thing that’s so deeply ingrained in me will come out. I’ll become elusive, distant, and even mean if you won’t just let me go. I’ve done it all before.”
“With other women,” I reminded him. “Women you weren’t friends with first.”
“True.” He pulled our clasped hands up then kissed the tops of mine. “Can it be enough for you to know that I do want you? I want you in the worst way imaginable. But I care too much for you to let that desire take you away from me.”
“I’ll be honest with you since you’re being so honest with me.” I closed my eyes as I went on. “It’s nice to hear you say that you want me. I’ve wondered about that so much.” But I had to be honest with myself too. “Ransom, I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I crave you.” Opening my eyes, I found his wide with what seemed to be disbelief. “I dream about you taking my virginity. I dream about you giving me my first orgasm.”
A frown took over his expression. “You’ve never had an orgasm?”
I shook my head. “No.”
He got up and shoved his hand through his dark hair. “You’ve never masturbated?”
“No.” I felt a little awkward as he began to pace.
“How the hell is that?” He stopped then looked at me, and I felt like I was under a microscope. “You are telling me the truth, right? You’re not lying to me to get what you want, are you?”
“I’m not a liar, Ransom.” I exhaled slowly to take the edge off the anger that built with his accusation. “I’m a virgin who has never had an orgasm, and I want you and only you to take me into that world. I’ve never wanted anyone in my entire life. And I’ve wanted you since I first saw you. I can tell you now that I am pretty damn sure I will never want to share myself with any man, other than you.”
“I can’t do this.” He turned and left the room, leaving me sitting there utterly speechless.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ransom
Lubbock, Texas – December 25th
It wasn’t becoming any easier to be around Aspen without getting an erection. Especially when I had to massage her feet and legs when they were swollen. But I’d managed to keep my hands off her in a sexual way.
And she’d stopped talking about wanting me to be the only man ever to take her, sexually speaking. But I could see it in her pretty eyes that she never lost that spark she had for me.
I tried to keep the spark I had for her on a very low flame. Most of the time it worked. When it didn’t, I would take matters into my own hands and deal with it myself. A little self-love and a fantasy starring Aspen would take the edge off things for a while.
At times I had to fight my jealousy over the idea that she may have started masturbating. My selfish streak wanted her to wait for me. Not that I was even thinking about giving in to my need for her, but I wanted her to wait anyway.
Like I said, I was selfish.
So, now it had come to my attention that I was not only shallow but selfish as well. My personal inventory of traits had grown and not in a good way.
On that list was the fact that soon I would become a father, a man who would have children to inspire to do the right things in life. So far, I had made no strides in the fatherly department.
But I figured there would be time to make some changes. When the time was right, things would click, and changes would naturally be made. Whatever they were.
I had no idea what the future would hold. Being the free spirit I was, I thought it best to sit back and let life take me where I was meant to be.
Our first Christmas together had Aspen and I meeting in the room she’d dubbed the Christmas Room. Grandad sat on the sofa with a big cup of hot chocolate in his hands. His cheeks rosy, his smile bright, he greeted us, “Merry Christmas!”
Aspen piped right up, “Merry Christmas to you too, Lucius.” She went right to him, giving him a hug. “I love seeing you looking so dapper this morning.”
