Page 32 of Dirty Little Secret
Chapter 11
Zandra
Really? He even has the same birthday?
I didn’t think life could by any crueler to me than it already had been when it came to my son, but apparently I’d been wrong. I could feel a pain in my chest that I didn’t think would ever go away at the idea that Kane had been raising a son so similar to our own, while the one we’d created was somewhere being raised by strangers.
Kane’s little boy looked me right in my eyes. “What’s your name?”
I cut my eyes to Kane, trying to hide the pain I was sure was obvious in my own, and found him holding his hand over his mouth as his eyes bored into the back of his son’s head. Each slow step he took led him to us. But he didn’t say one word.
Looking back at Fox, I said, “My name is Zandra Larkin.”
He let my wrist go as he took a few steps backward. His father caught him from behind, hugging him. “This is your mother, Fox.” He said the words so softly, I was sure I must have misheard.
“I know,” came the boy’s choked reply. “Mom, it’s you. It’s really you.” Tears began to flow from his little eyes before he turned to his father, putting his arms around him, hugging him tightly as he sobbed. “We found her, Dad! We finally found her!”
With no idea what to do or say, I felt my head going light, my vision starting to tunnel. “What the hell’s going on?” I asked breathlessly, feeling as though all the air had been sucked out of my lungs.
Kane moved quickly, still holding his son as he came to steady me before I fell down. “Let’s all sit down over here on the couch.”
He helped us both sit down, and I felt the heat of tears burning the backs of my eyes. “Kane, I don’t understand what’s happening here. Please help me understand,” I said, hearing the desperation in my voice, but I was beyond caring.
I’d never imagined in a million years that he knew about the pregnancy. I’d had no clue that he knew we had a son. And not an inkling that he had actually had our son all these years. My mind was ablaze with questions, but my mouth didn’t seem to be working as I sat there, slack-jawed.
Kane helped fill in the blanks, taking a deep breath before telling me everything. “Your neighbor overheard your parents yelling one night, and she found me and told me that she’d heard that you were pregnant. She’d been at that party and had seen us go off together. She had a strong idea that I was the father, so she told me about what had happened.”
I looked at him as Fox cried, still hugging him, his face buried in his father’s shoulder. The sight was too much for me to bear, so I focused on Kane’s eyes. “How did you know he was yours?”
“Come on, Zandra,” he said with a smile. “I knew. And after the baby was born, we had a DNA test done to prove it, so we wouldn’t have any issues should something come up in future.”
“How’d you adopt him?” I knew I was still missing a lot of pieces to this puzzle. “You weren’t even eighteen yet when he was born, were you?”
“My aunt and uncle adopted him. They tracked your family down. They found the adoption agency you registered with, and they made sure they were chosen to adopt the baby.” Kane ran his hand over Fox’s head. “But I’ve been his dad since day one.”
Fox pulled his head off his dad’s shoulder, wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, then turned to look at me. “Can I ask you something?”
I looked into his eyes—into the eyes of my son. My heart felt like it was trying to leap out of my throat. Nodding, I said, “Sure.”
“Did you want me?” He sniffled as he looked at me with glazed eyes.
I could feel my heart breaking all over again, just as it had that day that the nurses took him from my arms. I held myself back from reaching out for him. I wanted to hold him so badly, it was an ache.
“More than I’ve ever wanted anything, Fox.” Then the floodgates opened, and I spilled it all out for them. “My parents made me do it all. They took me away, took me out of school. They kept me locked up and took away my phone, so I couldn’t contact anyone. They even watched over me when I did my online schoolwork, so I couldn’t get on any social media to contact anyone. And I never told them your name, Kane. Never. I never wanted you to know what was going on. I was ashamed. Embarrassed. And so, so guilt-ridden. I knew it was my fault. I didn’t want you to pay for my lie.”
Kane reached over, stroking my hair. “We can talk about all that later. All Fox and I ever really wanted to know was if you wanted him or not.”
“I did. I wanted him so bad. You have no idea.” I wrung my hands in my lap. “I didn’t want to let him go after I had him. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.”
“It was my aunt who took him from you,” Kane said, making me sit up and drop my jaw.
“That was her? I thought she was a nurse.”
Kane nodded. “It was Aunt Nancy. She was there in the delivery room with you the whole time. She took him to meet Uncle James, and they kept him in the hospital for a couple of days. Had the DNA test done. And when the results proved he was mine, they brought him back to Charleston where we all cared for him. My parents, my aunt and uncle, and me.”
“He’s been loved all this time.” I began to cry again, feeling a huge amount of relief, like a huge weight had just lifted from my shoulders. “I’ve always worried about that. I’ve always wondered if he was okay. Wondered if he was loved. And now, to know that he’s been with his own blood this whole time—well, it’s like it’s too good to be true.” I reached out for Fox, and he came into my arms. Finally. Smelling his scent, I took my son into my lungs for the second time in my life. “I’ve loved you all along, Fox. Even though I didn’t know you, I’ve always loved you.”
“I knew you did.” He pulled his head off my shoulder to look at me shyly. “Can I call you Mom?”
