Page 56 of Dirty Little Secret
Chapter 19
Zandra
“So, I haven’t heard from him at all since he came to the club Friday night,” I told Taylor as I walked out of my room, my hair wrapped in a towel since I’d just gotten out of the shower. “But last night I talked to Fox, of course. You know, our goodnight phone call. He asked me what I would be doing today. He’s been asking me that for a few days now. He really wants to spend some time with me.”
She poured two cups of coffee for us. “And what do you want, Zandy?”
Pulling my robe tighter around me, I shrugged. “I want to spend time with him too. But his dad is in charge, and I respect that. The issue is that his dad hasn’t called me to let me know when I can see him again.”
Taylor put the cups of coffee on the table. “I’m making myself some pancakes. Do you want any?”
“Sure.” I went to sit at the table, taking the warm cup in my hands.
She got the pancake mix out of the pantry. “So, what makes you think you can’t call Kane and tell him what you want?”
“I just don’t think I can, is all.” I took a deep sniff of the steaming liquid, the pungent scent helping me wake up.
Shaking her head, she said, “Zandy, you’re letting your shyness get in the way of your relationship with your son.”
“I don’t think it’s that.” I took a little sip of the hot coffee. “I think it’s more like I don’t trust myself where Fox is concerned. I trust Kane to handle things.”
“And so far that way he’s handled things has kept you from spending even one minute with your son.” Mixing the batter, she gave me a stern look. “You’re his mother, Zandy. You should start taking that seriously.”
I knew she was right. “Well, with that said, you know I need to find another job. And that most likely means I won’t be able to afford to live here, right?”
She bit her lower lip as she picked up the stainless-steel bowl full of batter, giving it a good whipping with the whisk she held in the other hand. “About that. I want you to know that I can afford all the bills on my own. I’ve done it before, and I can do it again. So you could get a lower paying job if you really want to. But do you really want to? Do you want to be broke all the damn time, just so Dr. Kane Price can say his son’s mom is something other than a cocktail waitress in what he deems a rowdy bar?”
“I appreciate your offer, but I don’t think that would be the right thing for me to do, Taylor. First of all, I don’t want to live off you, which I would pretty much be doing if I went to work as, say, a waitress in a restaurant.” I took another sip of the hot coffee before going on. “I’ve looked into waitressing positions in some of the local restaurants, even the more prestigious ones. I would be lucky to bring home a thousand dollars a month at those places.”
Taylor nodded. “Yeah, I figured as much. But what about applying at one of the stores here as a cashier? My cousin works at In and Out Convenience Store, and she makes a little over twenty thousand a year. You could get by on that.”
She forgot one thing. “I don’t have any experience working in retail. What chance do I have of getting a job as a cashier?”
“Apply and find out, I suppose.” She pulled a pan out from under the counter then put it on the stove. “But again, I ask you, do you really want to switch jobs just so you can impress the good doctor?”
“It’s not just to impress Kane.” I took another sip of the coffee, which had begun to get too cool. Getting up, I went to pour some more in my cup to warm it back up. “It’s so that I can be a good mom. The kind Fox deserves. He’s ten and in school. I don’t want him to have to tell kids in his class that his mom is a waitress at Mynt. What will their families think? I want to be respectable for my son. I know Kane would take me either way if he didn’t have Fox to think about. But he does. And he has his reputation as a doctor to think about too.”
“That’s exactly why I don’t mess with men who think they’re too wealthy or too important.” Taylor poured some of the batter into the hot pan.
“Sure, that’s why?” I said sarcastically.
She looked at me like she’d just been slapped in the face. “It is!”
Taking my steaming cup back to the table, I took my seat again. “Taylor, you’re into guys with no future. That way you don’t have to think about growing up yourself.”
“Wow, Zandy.” She nodded. “I think you’re settling into your mom role just fine. Just listen to yourself. But you can’t do this little psychoanalysis on me and not do one on yourself too. Why do you make the choices you do?”
Because I never look past tomorrow. But now I’ve got to.
I didn’t say that, though. I merely shrugged and huffed. “I’m going to get dressed while you finish making the pancakes.”
Getting up, I headed to my room, putting on shorts and a T-shirt and then pulling my hair into a ponytail. If Kane did call, I could put myself together a little better before I saw them. If not, then I wouldn’t feel I’d gotten myself all made up for nothing, and there’d be no cause for disappointment.
But I was already disappointed that I hadn’t heard from him. And I had to admit that I was disappointed in myself, too. I’d made a vow to get on my computer to look for other jobs that day, and the next day I would go out and scout the town for jobs that might not be posted online.
I had to start making changes, or Kane would think I was too immature and irresponsible. The last thing I wanted was for Kane to see me as someone who was going nowhere. Though I had to admit that was exactly how I’d seen myself up until I found my son.
Looking in the mirror, I told myself, “You can do it, Zandra Larkin. You can be what you need to be for Fox.”
