Page 40 of Dirty Desires
He nodded, making me raise my eyebrow. I couldn’t think of what the heck I might’ve done. “You see, I really like you.”
“Okay. That’s not a bad thing.” I picked up my bottle of water off the table. “You want something to drink? I’ve got water, and I think I’ve got beer in there too.”
“No,” he said as he shook his head. “I’m okay. I just want to get this off my chest.”
“Sure. Go ahead.” I waited to hear what he had to say.
The way he hesitated told me he was finding it hard to start, but he finally did. “I had a lot of fun last weekend with you. And all that fun made me forget a day that’s been the most important day in my life for a few years now. I was reminded finally of what day it was when the guys and I went to the pub while you girls were shopping. Sunday was the anniversary of Natalia’s death.”
Now I understood completely. My hand flew to my cover my mouth, empathizing with the pain and confusion he must’ve felt. “Oh, God.”
He got up and came to sit next to me. His hand on my shoulder sent chills through me. “Nina, I got mad at you because being with you made me forget everything else. It was wrong of me to act that way toward you, and it was wrong of me to put that blame on you. You see, I used to dream about her. Now I only dream about you.”
My heart leapt with the news. But it also ached because I knew he wasn’t wholly pleased by it—I knew the dreams were part of his grief and remembrance for his fiancée. “Ashton, I’m sorry you’re hurt by that.”
His eyes crept up to meet mine, and I saw so much more in them than I had before. “I’m sure you are. I’m getting help now. I’m seeing a therapist. I’m not ready for romance, but I really need my friend back. Do you think you can be my friend again, Nina?”
I was about to cry. The tears were welling up in my eyes. All I could do was reach out and hug him. “I can be your friend, Ashton. I can always be that for you.”
We hugged for a minute, holding each other tight. The attraction was still there, but I wanted him to feel my concern for him more than I wanted him to feel my hunger.
“Thank you, Nina. I really am sorry for how I treated you this last week.” He pulled back and took my chin in his hand. “I was just afraid, is all.”
“Afraid of me taking Natalia’s place.” I nodded. “I want you to know that I’ll never be the kind of person who’d want to replace her like that. I’m not jealous of her. And I never will be.” I hoped that what I was saying would always be true. I never wanted to make him feel bad about having love for another woman. Not when she wasn’t around anymore to even be worried about.
The most important thing was that we had our friendship back.
