Page 20 of Dirty Desires
The way she smiled at me made my heart speed up. It was so open and honest. “I’ve always wanted kids. And who doesn’t want a nice home? To be honest, though, I have never given much thought to having a husband.”
“I know this isn’t a question you’re supposed to ask a woman,” I was treading into deep water with her, “but how many boyfriends are in your past?”
“You want to know how many men I’ve had sex with? That’s what you’re really asking me, right?” She laughed a little awkwardly before continuing. “And that’s okay. Understandable, even.” She held up one hand. “Less than the fingers on this one hand, if you must know.”
Relief filled me with her answer, no matter how illogical I knew that to be. I wasn’t a prude, but I couldn’t help feeling jealous at the thought of Nina with many other men. “That’s not bad at all.”
Her brows raised. “And now it’s your turn, Ashton.”
Oh, no!
Explaining my past hadn’t been easy when I’d had to tell Natalia about it. And it wasn’t any easier now to tell Nina. “Okay, first of all, you need to know that I am not the same man I was when I was in high school and college. That’s the first thing you have to keep in mind when I tell you my answer.”
She looked a little stunned. “Dear God. How many women have you been with?”
Now I really don’t want to come clean with her.“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this right now. Maybe now is a bad time to be doing this.” I did have some intention of trying to get her into bed, after all. Sometime in the near future, even—if things all worked out.
But then she reached out and took my hand again, giving me a reassuring look. “Ashton, you can be honest with me. I won’t judge you for anything you tell me.”
A part of me wanted to fudge the numbers at least a little. But that purely honest expression she wore would make me feel like a jackass if I lied to her.
So I went for the whole truth and nothing but the truth. “I was a player in high school and college. I never had one single relationship. I stayed away from commitments at all costs. That’s why what I felt for Natalia took me by complete surprise. My number is—get ready for it.” I closed my eyes, so I wouldn’t have to see her reaction and have that etched in my memory bank forever. “Thirty-seven.”
The silence had me opening my eyes to look at her. What I found was her smiling face. “Thank you, Ashton.”
There wasn’t a clue in my mind as to why she would thank me for telling her that number. “Thank you?”
Nodding, she said, “Yes. Thank you. I’m not going to judge you for something that’s so natural—and I remember being in high school too. All the hormones raging around, needing an outlet—I found my outlet in volleyball and physical activity. But I know a lot of people—especially males—who found a much more intimate outlet.”
“So you’re saying you think I was just a normal male then?” I had kind of thought—later on in life, of course—that I was a horn-dog who would stick my cock into any chick that would let me.
“Completely,” she assured me. “You were one of the males who wanted to feel it all, not merely your own palm. And may I be so bold as to go even further?”
“Sure.” I was dying to know what else she had to add to that bit of information.
She winked at me with a sly grin. “You probably learned a lot from all those women. Each one taught you a little something that you didn’t know before. You catalogued all of this information for future use. For a time when it would be just you and one woman for the rest of your life. You wanted knowledge that would keep things spicy in the bedroom for years and years.”
I was shocked and amazed. “Come on! You can read my mind, can’t you?”
She shook her head as she laughed. “It’s just psychology, really.” With a slap on my shoulder, she went on, “Young men who become sexual extroverts usually start off just trying to get it into someone, anyone really.”
I nodded. “Yep. You’re right about that.” I had never told a single soul what I was about to tell Nina. “I’ve never told anyone about my first time.”
Her hand flew to her mouth. “God! She was hideous, wasn’t she?”
I shook my head. “Nope.”
“Very young?” she asked, and now she did wear a judgmental expression.
“Not at all.” I had to tell her before she came up with any more bad ideas. “She was my sophomore English teacher.”
She gasped, “No!”
“Yes. And I never told a single soul about that.” It felt freeing to admit that after all these years. “I found her crying in the parking lot of one of the local grocery stores. I had just gotten my driver’s license and was driving the family car to the store to pick up a few things for my mother. I saw Mrs. Kingston with her head on the steering wheel of her car.”
Nina looked thoroughly puzzled. “And that got you the invitation to have sex with her?”
“She had just caught her husband with another woman.” I leaned in as if it was some big secret and whispered the rest, “She asked me to follow her home after she told me about everything. She told me that all she could think about was getting back at him for what he’d done. And she told me I could help her do that. Only I couldn’t ever tell a soul about it.”
“That was very wrong of her, Ashton.” Nina shook her head as her eyes went big. “So not right.”
“Right or wrong, I didn’t care. Without even trying, I’d scored my first piece of ass. Once I had that initial sexual act over with, I was ready to move on to better things. Things like picking up my game to score more tail.” Suddenly I felt like that little jackass I was back then, and I didn’t like it at all. “I was an ass. I know I was. After I met Natalia, all that went away. That attitude disappeared like magic. And it has never returned.”
And as I looked at Nina, I was positive that it never would.
