Page 5 of Dirty Desires
Chapter Three
Nina
A week of stopping by Ashton’s office with a cup of my magical coffee and I thought things were going well. We didn’t have any more talks about the fiancée he’d lost, but we did have small little chats about subjects we’d never discussed before.
Things like which season of the year we each liked the best. It turned out that we were both lovers of the fall. I liked the cool weather, finding it a relief from the heat of summer. Ashton liked it better because of all of the colors of leaves.
It was spring then, nowhere near the fall, but I found myself suggesting that he take a driving trip once the colors began to change. He only shook his head, then let me know that he didn’t like to take scenic drives anymore. I left it at that.
He had told me that the weather was hot the day of his accident. I knew it wasn’t in the fall, so that did give me hope that one day he and I might be able to take a drive some fall afternoon in the future. I could always be the driver if he wasn’t up to it.
Ashton needed to get back to living a full life. It was becoming more and more apparent that it only looked like he was living a normal life from the outside. He seemed fun and social at work, but having these more in-depth talks made me realize that wasn’t the full picture. It was when he wasn’t at work that worried me.
What does he do when he leaves the station?
That was on my mind a lot. I pictured him smiling as he did most nights as we all left to head home after a long day at work. We all went our separate ways, catching cabs, or walking to the subway station, or getting on buses. We all had places to go, and most of us had other people there when we got home. Ashton didn’t, and that made my heart hurt for the man.
I had talked to my roommate Kyle about why a man would want to live alone. Kyle was about Ashton’s age, around thirty. He’d been married and had a son that he got every other weekend, so I knew he would empathize with what Ashton was going through.
I was only 23 and had never lost anyone I had loved, not that I had ever really been in love. Tommy Smith in high school couldn’t be called real love. That was teenage lust, at best. And I’d never gone out with any guy in college more than a time or two. What Ashton was going through was completely foreign to me.
Kyle had told me that Ashton probably just didn’t like to be around people very much and that he liked the break from everyone when he went home. He said quite a few people who were outgoing, fun-loving, and really social could also be introverts, needing downtime to replenish themselves.
I didn’t think Ashton needed downtime, though. I thought there had to be something else. But I couldn’t put my finger on it, other than that he really didn’t want to be hurt by losing another person he loved.
But I had hope that little by little, I was beginning to get under his skin, bringing me a little closer to his heart. That’s the place I wanted to get into. I wanted to set up camp and live there with the man who took up space in my thoughts more often than not.
As bad as I wanted things to progress between us, I played my hand nice and slow. Something told me that Ashton Lange could not be rushed into anything. He was very nice on the outside, but I had a feeling that if you tried to dig too deeply that he could turn into a fierce animal, protecting his vulnerable underbelly. The thought made me sad at times.
One would never suspect the strong, virile man of housing such sadness, guilt, and pain. Not that he ever really showed me that side of him, either. No matter how he tried to hide it, I could see it at times. Now that we were talking more about things that were more personal than what we wanted to eat or what was going on at work, I could see things in his eyes.
Those gorgeous cerulean eyes of his could hold joy and laughter in them, and most would only see that. I was getting to where I could see behind that now. And what I saw frightened me. I saw sheer will and determination to keep everyone at arm’s length. As if he thought that if he trusted someone enough to get close, then something terrible might happen.
Again.
It would take a lot of time for me to get where I wanted to be with the man. But I was willing to put it in. There was so much about Ashton that was good and right that it would be well worth my time to get him to see that love wasn’t something to be afraid of.
I sat at my desk on a Friday afternoon, looking out the little window in my small office. I had a desk, a laptop computer, and a chair to sit in. No other furniture was necessary for me to do my job.
Not one to have too many things around to clutter up my space, I liked the clean look of my office. The cleaning staff would be in later to dust and vacuum, so I closed my computer and put it in the top drawer of my desk before locking it up. Done with the social media part of my job, I didn’t need the computer again until Monday morning.
I had no plans for the weekend—nothing unusual there. My other roommate, Sandy, was a party animal who was always inviting me out. I’d go with her every now and then, but usually ended up regretting it. She called me a stick in the mud on all those occasions. Not that I cared.
Sandy didn’t believe in making commitments. That meant she had no problem seeing whomever she wanted, whenever she wanted. I didn’t judge her for her choices, but that life wasn’t for me.
Turning around in my chair, I found Julia leaning on my doorframe. “What’s up?”
She looked me up and down. “You look bored, Nina.”
“I’m fine.” I didn’t like anyone feeling sorry for me. If I told Julia that I was thinking about the lame weekend I had before me, then she would make it her mission to find something for me to do.
“Oh, really?” She rolled her eyes. “Well, I’ve got a question to ask you. Do you have time in your busy schedule to answer it for me?”
With a laugh, I answered, “Sure, I can make time for your question. Shoot.”
“What are your plans for this weekend?” She looked at her nails, then polished them on her shirt.
I thought that was an odd question coming from her. She and Artimus always made plans for their weekends. So why would she be asking me about mine? “Not much. Why?”
