Page 4 of Dirty Desires
I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not, but my mouth kept talking anyway, “I lived in the dorm at Columbia before moving in with her.”
“So, you’d always lived with other people until she passed away, and since then you’ve lived alone.” She shook her head. “How can you stand that? I mean, I’ve lived with other people my whole life. I can’t imagine living all alone.”
I wasn’t about to tell her that I would rather live alone than have anyone know that I still had nightmares about the accident that took my fiancée’s life. About once a week I would wake up screaming. No one needed to hear that.
With a shrug, I said, “I like it that way, Nina.”
A smile curved her plump pink lips. “How’d you meet her, Ashton? How did you meet this woman that you asked to spend the rest of your life with?”
No one had asked me that since before she died. I gazed into Nina’s eyes as I told her about that time in my life. “A few friends of mine and I were on spring break in Florida. Her family owned the hotel we were staying at in Miami. Her parents had brought her from India only a few months earlier, and they all worked for her uncle there. She worked in housekeeping, and we ran out of towels. I was looking for more and was sent to the laundry room by the man at the front desk to get some there.”
“Was it love at first sight?” Nina asked with wide eyes.
I laughed. “Yeah, it was.” I could see her face in my mind. “She was sweaty and aggravated when I came into the laundry room and asked if I could have four towels. She didn’t even turn around as she shouted at me that I would have to wait, they were still drying. Then she turned around and saw me. She and I just looked at each other for a long time in silence, and then she apologized.”
Nina sighed then said, “So that’s what love at first sight is. Interesting. How long did it take before you two became a couple?”
“No time at all. I ended up hanging out with her all of spring break. She wanted to go to college, so when I got back to New York, I got a job and a small apartment and then she came to live with me. We lived together for six months before I asked her to marry me. She wanted a big wedding. Her family was happy with that and was going to pay for all of it, as it was their tradition as Hindus. The date was set for a year from the day I proposed.”
Nina looked a little sad as she asked, “What was her name, Ashton?”
No one had asked me that since her death. I hesitated to even say it for fear I might break down, but then I let it slip from my tongue, “Natalia Reddy. She was beautiful and fun-loving. A real free spirit. I loved her more than I had ever loved anyone in my life.”
“And then you were hurt more than you’d ever been in your life too,” Nina said, her words hushed, as if she was thinking about that fact. “Do you have a picture of her?”
I pulled out my wallet and took out the only thing I had left to remember Natalia by. “This was taken only a few days before the wreck.” I pushed it to Nina.
She picked it up and looked at it. “She’s beautiful, Ashton. I’m so sorry that it all ended the way it did.”
“We were only a few weeks away from the wedding date when it happened.” My gut clenched as I recalled it. “It began to rain, and the day had been hot. The police said that the oil had pooled on the pavement and then mixed with the rain, and that’s what made me lose control of the car. Everyone said it wasn’t my fault, including her family. But I blamed myself. I still do.”
“But you shouldn’t.” She slid the picture back to me. “I’m sure Natalia would hate for you to blame yourself for an accident. She did love you, after all, Ashton.”
Looking at Nina, I saw her in a new light. There had always been an attraction between us, but I wasn’t ready to go down that road again. Somehow though, the way she was talking to me made me feel closer to her than I had been to anyone since Natalia.
Tapping the top of my desk, Nina got up. “Well, we’ve got work to get to. Did you really enjoy the coffee?”
“I really did. And the conversation, Nina. I haven’t talked about her with anyone in such a long time,” I found myself admitting to her. “I feel a little freer, having spoken to you.”
“Good. Feel free to talk to me about her—or anything else—anytime you want to. I think I’ll be stopping by with some fresh coffee for you from now on.” She waved as she opened the door to leave. “Bye. Will I see you at lunch?”
“You will. I’m thinking cheesesteaks.” I put Natalia’s picture back in my wallet.
“Yum. Sounds good.” She left my office, and I was left staring after her.
What just happened here?
