Page 190 of Under Her Skin
Dammit. Hot tears started to pour down her cheeks. Oh dammit. She didn’t want to think about what Jules had done to her and she really didn’t want to talk about, not with Theo. She didn’t want any second of her time with him spoiled by herpast.
‘Jessica?’
No. No. She couldn’t do this. She pushed away from him and scrambled to her feet, stepping back into the apartment. Theo followed her, his handsome face creased withconcern.
‘Was it something Isaid?’
She shookher head not trusting herself to speak. Theo came to her and pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. She buried her head in his chest, breathing in his clean smell, fresh laundry and man. Theo’s hand stroked her hairgently.
‘Do you want to talk aboutit?’
She looked up at him. ‘No. I’m sorry…please, let’s change thesubject.’
His eyes were still troubledbut he nodded. They stood there for a long minute in silence then Theo kissed the top of herhead.
‘I’ll never let anyone hurt you,Jessie.’
And in that moment, she desperately wanted to believehim.
Freshman year.Jess had saved every last penny from her job at the coffee house to get a small studio apartment in St Anne’s, not wanting to take anything more from Jules than she had to. Her tuition was covered by the provision in her step-father’s will but Jules still held the purse strings. She hated it but worse was the thought of hundreds of dollars of student debt hanging over her forever. Now, though, she thought she’d found a way out. A scholarship. Well, she reminded herself, a possible scholarship. The company offering it had strict guidelines on who could apply for it – only those students with the most pressing need. Trouble was, her family name was well known in Seattle and her step-brother Jules was known to be one of the richest men in the city. Just because she got nothing from him other than her tuition wouldn’t be enough to convince the board she needed that funding – mostly to escape him. Jules had done interviews lately in his position as a handsome eligible millionaire, raving about his ‘close relationship’ with his step-sister. The interviews had made Jess sick to her stomach. If they onlyknew…
All which meantshe couldn’t plead poverty to the board – unless Jules publicly and notably cut heroff.
He was coming over later to discuss it with her – had even been genial about the idea over the phone. She would frame it as a bonus for him. He would save the few hundred thousand dollars that her degree and her masters would cost. She told herself that would beenough.
It wasn’t.Of course, itwasn’t.
Jules listened to her reasoning politely, a supercilious smile on his face and she knew immediately it was nogood.
‘Well,’he said, standing and pacing around the room – between her and the door, she noted uneasily as he turned to smile at her. ‘Obviously, I have no intention of…’disowning’ you, Jessica. Why wouldI?’
He stoodin front of her then, hands deep in his pockets and she could see him stroking himself through the thin material, putting on an exhibition for her. Nausea swept over her and she stood, wanting to push pasthim.
But then hishand was on her throat, squeezing hard. He grabbed her and slammed her back down on the couch. Jess struggled against him but knew of old, she had no chance against his strength. They’d been in this situation so many times… except this time, Jules’ eyes glowed with malice. He ground his mouth down on hers, his hand burrowing under herskirt.
‘No… no… pleasest-…’
His hand clamped over her mouth as he tore her panties from her. Jess bucked frantically trying to push him away but then, grinning, Jules had shown her what he had in his hand. Shefroze.
A knife. Oh god,no…
‘Stop fighting me, Jessica, or I’ll put this into you. I’ll gut you, Princess, without a second thought. You belong to me, Jessica. I say what you do, where you go. Whether you live or die. Do youunderstand?’
Terrified,she could do nothing but nod, tears streaming down her face, as Jules, triumphant, took her with his knife to herthroat.
Jess woke up, panting, trying not to scream. Beside her, Theo slept soundly, his big frame making her bed seem tiny. Jess edged out of the bed and padded silently to the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. She drained the glass and refilled it. Her body was trembling from the nightmare – the memory – of Jules thatnight.
It hadn’t beenthe first time he’d raped her, just the first time he’d threatened to kill her and Jess had no doubt he wascapable.
She satdown at the kitchen table and laid her head against the cool wood. She hated that he held this power over her. She’d told him she was going to the police, defiant at last, but he’d gotten to them first with his expensive lawyers and limitless influence. She was unstable, he’d told them; her mother had been committed several times in her life before her suicide. Using her mother’s mental illness against her was both evil and genius. However much she protested after that, she could see it in their eyes: Nut job. Attention seeker. Hysteric. As if this was the eighteen hundreds and not the twenty-first century.Jesus.
Jules had punishedher of course. Breaking into her apartment and beating her – only where it couldn’t be seen in public, of course. She’d stayed away from college for a week, unable to stand because of her bruised abdomen where he’d kicked her so viciously she couldn’t stand up straight for twodays.
After that,she’d almost given up. Buried herself in studying, letting Jules continue to pay for everything, control everything she couldn’t. She moved apartments frequently, whenever her lease was up and never took apartments with longer than a six-month tenure. Jules always, always foundher.
The assaults came lessand less as long as she obeyed him and she clung to that. She rarely went out, and she never, ever dated. And each year she squirrelled away money so that one day she could just run. Another country, changing identity, to get away from Jules. That had been herplan.
Until she met Theo.Until she remembered what affection felt like. What love feltlike.
