Page 169 of Under Her Skin
Moving as fast and hard as possible, he strokes, but it’s not enough. I twist my head and wiggle until I’m away from him. I turn to my side and look at him as he fadesaway.
His eyes are the last thing I see and they’re full ofpain.
I sit up and gasp as I take in air and realize it was all just adream.
The lights in my apartment are all still on as I fell asleep on the couch. This is not how things end for us. I never want things to end for us. Notever.
It’s obvious this is something I have to fix and I can’t let much time go by before I fix things. With every minute that goes by without Blake knowing how I truly feel about him, I fear he fades further away from me. If I wait too long, he’ll be gone forgood.
Blake
It’s two in the afternoon, the little crappy bar I used to go to should be open and I can drink the day away while I whine to the bartender about how crappy my life is turningout.
I pull my truck into the parking lot and see three carsthere.
Good, I’m not completely alone in mymisery.
The air smells of stale beer, peanuts, and cigarette smoke. Two people sit together at one little table with a couple of mugs of beer between them. They speak in hushed whispers as I open the door, letting in an unwelcomed stream ofsunlight.
I quickly shut the door as the three inside shield their eyes from the damning light. “Sorry,” I sayquickly.
Behind the bar stands a woman,maybe fifty with fading red hair with a fair amount of gray in it. “How you doin’ today, partner?” she asksme.
I take a stool in front if her at the bar and answer, “Terrible. What do you have that can cure a brokenheart?”
She fills a mug with draft beer and smiles as she pushes it in front of me. “This one is on the house,partner.”
I nod and smile. I’m going to leave her one hell of a tip before this night is over. I take a long drink and feel the cold as it flows down my throat and into my stomach. “How long do you think it’ll take before it takes the painaway?”
“Depends. How deep is the pain?” She winks at me as she runs a white cloth over a shotglass.
“Very,” I answer. “Tell me, do you know a lot about abandonment issues? I’m sorry, how rude of me. My name is Blake, and yoursis?”
“Tanya. Nice to meet you Blake. Abandonment issues huh? Well, most people have them, at least to a certain extent anyway. You see even great parents can’t always be with their kids entirely as they get through those youngyears.”
“My girlfriend was given up when she was three. Her parents are both crazy as shit, her father lives under a bridge, so I do mean legitimately crazy, okay?” I pause to take anotherdrink.
“Under a bridge, huh? Keep going,”she says as she takes the peanuts that are on the bar in front of me and throws them away, replacing them with some fresh out of the glass jar. “I’m putting out the fresh peanuts for you,Blake.”
I take one and pop it in my mouth. “Thanks, Tanya. So like I was sayin’ she comes from nutty stock and has some deep issues. I guess I’m an idiot because I thought I could love her so much she’d stop being a crazy person with a load ofinsecurities.”
“How long have you known this person,Blake?”
“A while. We’ve had bouts where we weren’t together, but we always came back to what we have. It’s special, different. When I first laid eyes on her I just knew she was the one. And I know she loves me, but she’s the type who leaves when she feels pretty much anything at all. I have this feeling she doesn’t like to feel anything toodeeply.”
Tanya stops wiping the bar down and looks at me as I suck down the rest of the beer. “So what do you want with herthen?”
Her question has me struck dumb. I think about it as she pours me another one and places it in front of me. “I love her. That’s all I have.” I shrug my shoulders. “Does that makesense?”
“I hear it all the time, Blake. All the time. People can make each other crazy as hell, but it’s that love thing that keeps them giving it another shot. So where is this crazy chicnow?”
“Los Angeles, and I’m not going back there no matter what. So if you hear me talking about going back to make her see the light about us and what we have, just tie me up somewhere until I sober up and get back into my right mind.” I take a drink and shake my head. “My heart can sometimes overrule my brain. I need to use my brain a lot more though. The old ticker has taken a beating and isn’t up to making anydecisions.”
“Will do,”she says as the door opens up and I go temporarilyblind.
“Hi, Mom. Need any help?” I hear a girls’ voiceask.
“You could sweep and mop for me, Tilly.” Tanyasays.
