Page 51 of Nightclub Surprise
When I climbed back into the king-sized bed, I pulled the blankets up to cover my naked body. Sadness took over and I got out of bed, leaving my room to go to his. My plan was to sneak into his bed—hopefully nothing would happen, and then I could show him that things would be okay if we slepttogether.
When I tried to turn his doorknob, I found he’d locked it. Turning around, I went back to my bed. My heart pounded, my head hurt, and I felt something draining away inside ofmyself.
I couldn’t live this way, and I knewit.
Going back to my bed, I tried to decide what I should do. I had to dosomething.
Butwhat?
Sometime in the night, I’d finally drifted back to sleep. When I woke up, I found it was after ten a.m., and August had already gone to his therapy session. I called my old landlady to see if that garage apartment was still available. I was glad to find she hadn’t rented it out to anyone yet and would be happy to have meback.
After getting dressed, I drove over to Leila’s to pick up Calum. There was no hiding anything from her—she saw sadness written all over my face. “Tawny, what’swrong?”
“I’m moving out,” I let herknow.
She took my hand, pulling me inside. “We have totalk.”
I let her pull me inside, and then she led me into a quiet place in her busy home. She sat me down on a chair and took the one across from me. “I know you probably don’t understand why I have to leave him,Leila.”
“Did something happen last night? Did he hurt you again?” she asked, knowing that was a great concern ofours.
“No, and that’s why I have to leave. I’m so damn frustrated, Leila, you have no idea.” I felt the tears begin to sting the backs of my eyes and looked around for something to dry themwith.
Leila was already ahead of me, handing me a tissue. “Here, use this. Now tell me what’s got you so frustrated that you think moving out of August’s is the onlyanswer.”
“He won’t let me sleep with him!” the words burst out of my mouth, and then I was crying somemore.
“Because he’s afraid he’ll hurt you, Tawny.” I could see her shaking her head through blurry, tear-filled eyes. “If you truly love my brother, you’ll have to understand that things aren’t going to be completely normal for a while, or possibly never. It’s just what comes with theman.”
“Leila, it hurts so much when he locks me out like that. He actually locked me out of his room last night—but that’s not even fully what I mean. I just want to help him, but his solution seems to be to just block me out, mentally and physically. It’s agonizing. You have no idea how much it hurts.” Blowing my nose, I tried to get a handle on my emotions. Crying hadn’t done me any good so far, so I might as wellstop.
“I have some idea. My husband works out of town more than he’s home. I have more lonely nights in our bed than ones with him in it.” She looked out the window as her expression turnedmelancholy.
“I know you’re lonely, Leila. But your husband’s not in the same house as you, forcing you to sleep in a different room each night. It’s different. I was okay when August was at the treatment facility. But with him home, I can’t take it.” Getting up, I paced back and forth in front of the window. “I love him—adore him. But I can’t take him pushing me away each night. It’s just too hard. I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to live in the same house together like this, so I think I need to take some time to figure thingsout.”
“You’re right,” she said, as she nodded. “Maybe you’re not the right girl for him then. I don’t know if there will ever be a right girl for my brother.” Her legs crossed as she tapped her chin, thinking about something. “August has seen so much. Been through so much. Maybe he’s broken beyond repair and will just have to deal with living his lifealone.”
Listening to her talk about him that way made my heart pound. “I don’t believe he’s broken beyond repair. I never said that. The fact is he’s making progress. He didn’t hurt me last night. I was able to douse him with water, and he came around very easily. I handled the situation just fine, but then he went and took me to a different room anyway. He wouldn’t listen to a thing Isaid.”
“Not my brother,” she said with a smile. “Are you calling him strong-willed, tenacious, stubborn—a man who thinks he and he alone knows what’sbest?”
She knew the man alright. “So, what am I to do about that? Tell me, please. I want toknow.”
“This is just a road block, Tawny. Sure, maybe things aren’t working out as perfectly as you’d hoped, but this might be the way it has to be—for now anyway. Don’t let one small deviation from your dream stop you from experiencing this thing you and he have together.” She got up, coming to me, then her arms were around me, hugging me. “I know it’s hard. Life is hard. It’s hard for August, you, me, my husband—everyone in some way or another. Don’t let frustration end what you two have. Learn to accept the things that come along with loving a man who has someproblems.”
“I just feel like this has already hurt me so much—how will I feel after years of this? It’s like I lose a little piece of my heart every time he shuts me out,” I admitted. “Eventually there will be nothingleft.”
“You feel that way because you love him. Leaving him will only make that loss and hurt so much bigger. For both of you.” Leila let me go and walked away from me, leaving me alone in theroom.
Leaning against the wall near the window, I eased my body down until I was sitting on the hardwood floor. My head still ached, my stomach had an enormous knot in it, and my heartpounded.
I’d never felt so terrible in my entire life. But I knew what I had todo.
Chapter Twenty-eight
August
Taking a break to eat some lunch, I found Natasha sitting at our table alone. No one else from our ragtag group had come into the cafeteria yet. Her eyes were red from crying. “So, have you had a rough morning withtherapy?”
