Page 43 of Nightclub Surprise
“You should know that I don’t like taking pills, Doc.” August shrugged again. “I don’t like the effects they have on me, and I don’t want to depend on themeither.”
“Let me explain this drug to you first, and let’s see if I can help you understand what this can do to help you. And let me tell you this, too—this is not a drug you will take forever, the way you’ll have to have therapy forever.” The doctor opened the bottle, spilling all the pills out on the desk in front ofhim.
“That’s a lot of pills,” Augustmumbled.
“This is your personal one-month supply,” the doctor let him know. “And with our help and observations, you’ll learn when to take one and when you don’t need to takeone.”
“Okay, wait. I’ve got to ask this,” August interjected, “this is ecstasy, right? So, I’ll get aroused, won’t I? How am I supposed to handle that sexual frustration when you’ll have me locked up inhere?”
With a knowing smile, the doctor answered him, “No one says you can’t masturbate, August. You’ll have a room to yourself here—lots of privacy. Now, let me explain this medication to you. These pills are made up of three neurotransmitters. Serotonin makes up most of it. Now, you can purchase serotonin in any drugstore over the counter. It’s most often used as an aid to those who have trouble falling asleep. People with mild anxiety take serotonin as well. Does any of that worry you so far,August?”
“I suppose if it can be sold like that then it hasn’t got any bad side effects,” August said. “And it might be like taking the vitamin supplements I take every day.Right?”
With a nod, the doctor went on. “So, you’re on board with the serotonin. The other two ingredients, dopamine and norepinephrine, have similar effects. They’re the components that will increase alertness—they’ll increase your energy level, too. And with all that positive blood flow, well, your arousal is also increased. And lastly, the relaxing effects of the serotonin act as a base that help level everythingout.”
“Okay, is this feel-good drug addictive?” August pointed out. “I do not want to leave this place addicted toanything.”
“Tell me, do you think you have an addictive personality? Do you need alcohol or tobacco or anything like that?” the doctorasked.
Pulling up our clasped hands, August kissed mine. “She’s the only thing I’ve ever been addicted to. Yet, I’m finding the strength to stay away from her for fourteen days, aren’tI?”
A blush heated my cheeks, and I ducked my head as the doctor went on, “Well, I’m glad to hear that, August. While you’re taking this medication, you will be strictly observed. It’s not our intention to get anyone addicted to anything. We’re not a pharmaceutical company, nor do we have any connections to any of them. We’re in the business of helping people. And we do so by lightening their mood before we have deep therapy sessions. Our sessions sometimes last twelve hours, mostly eight though. This pill will help you think about things you’ve shoved into the deepest recesses of your mind and deal with those memories while in a calm, cool state ofconsciousness.”
“So, what you’re saying is you guys will pull out all the shit I’ve seen, done, and dealt with, and teach me how to interpret it in a new way? A positive way? Because let me tell you, there are things I’ve seen and done that no amount of spin will turn into a positive thing,” Augustargued.
The doctor smiled at that, and I started to feel a bit confused, thinking August might not do as well here as we’d hoped. “Maybe this isn’t the best place for him,” I said, as I squeezed August’shand.
The doctor leaned forward, steepling his fingers then resting his chin on them. “I feel exactly the opposite, Tawny. You see, your fiancé is the perfect candidate for this. His concerns are valid, and he has conviction in his heart. It is clear he is ready to work hard to deal with this issue. My bets are on August, and I rarely lose mybets.”
August looked at me, and then took a deep breath. “I’m going to stay, Tawny. I’m going to give this my all. And I’m doing it for you, Calum, and those future kids we’re going to have. But I’m also doing it forme.”
“Better words have never been spoken, August,” the doctor complimentedhim.
When it came time to leave August there, I did so with hope in my heart and a smile on my face, even though tears filled my eyes. I was going to miss him so much, but this was something he had todo.
Chapter Twenty-four
August
“I have a little test I need you to take, August,” a female therapist named Tasha told me as she placed a laptop computer on the desk in myroom.
I’d been admitted to the PTSD treatment facility and taken to what would be my room for the next two weeks. It had only been a couple of hours, and already I missed Tawny and Calum like crazy. But I wanted to do this for us. I had to doit.
“Okay, I just check the yes or no boxes?” I asked as I looked at the list of questions. The first question asked whether I had ever been exposed to a traumaticevent.
“Yes,” Tasha said as she nodded. “And be truthful with this. Therapy works best if you’re honest and vulnerable, especially when you’re used to being a tough guy. No one is strong all the time, and it’s important for you to let those weaknesses show.” She headed for the door. “I’ll leave you to itthen.”
Alone, I looked around the room. A small full-sized bed was in one corner and a desk sat right across from it—that’s where I sat. The walls were a pale blue, the door pristinely white, and the floor was done in bamboo wood flooring—giving the room a serene, calming feel. The few pictures that hung on the walls were of flowers, butterflies, and one was of a flock of birds. A small bathroom was attached to the room, giving me all the privacy I could askfor.
Turning my attention back to the test, I checkedyesfor the first question. The next question asked if I’d ever experienced the threat of injury or death, to which I again checked theyesbox.
Although I tried not to think about that, I guess it was part of the process of fixing my fucked-up mind. The next question asked if I’d felt fear, helplessness, or horror. That one had me going back and trying to count the number of times I’d felt thoseemotions.
Shaking my head, I had to stop that line of thought. There were too many to count. Anotheryesbox had to bechecked.
Do you regularly experience intrusive thoughts about the traumaticevent?
I had to ask myself what regularly meant. But then the thought of these nightmares I’d been unaware of came to mind, and I had to checkyesagain.
