Page 16 of Masked Indulgence
What did hedeserve?
Did he deserve to know if he was going to be a father? Did he deserve the right to make his own decision about what part he wanted or didn’t want to play in his child’slife?
I knew the answer to those questions. I wasn’t without morals. I had never known my father. My mother had often said she had no idea who it was. Being a bastard child wasn’t a thing I’d want for my son ordaughter.
But I was getting ahead of myself. I had to take the test before I could totally freak out—though I was pretty sure I already knew what the result wouldbe.
I would tell Nix if the test came back positive. I wasn’t heartless. But I wouldn’t ask him for a thing. He could do for the child whatever he wanted. He could see it or not. Whatever hewanted.
All of this was my fault, and I’d carry the burden alone if I hadto.
My phone rang, jerking me back to reality. Blyss’s name popped up on my screen, and I answered it, my voice shaky. “Hello, Blyss. HappyThanksgiving.”
“You sound bad. What’s wrong, Katana?” She knew me better than most peopledid.
“Oh, nothing,” I lied. “How are the kids enjoying their yummy Thanksgivingdinner?”
“They hate it. No kid likes a meal that’s half vegetable-based sides. Troy made a homemade pepperoni pizza for them. He’s the best dad ever,” she gushed. “But enough about us, how about you? What are you doing to celebrate thisday?”
God, I couldn’t tell her I was going to maybe eat a pot pie that came out of a box—and that was the best I could expect of my night at this point. I couldn’t tell her that it all depended on the results of the pregnancy test, because I knew I wouldn’t have an appetite if it waspositive.
“Oh, not much,” I finally said. “Justworking.”
“Please tell me you and a couple of friends went to eat somewhere. Please tell me you’re just coming in from a fun time and are now chilling because you’re so full,” she beggedme.
Oh, how I wish I could tell her those things. “I wanted to stay in. I haven’t felt well in a couple of weeks. I think I have a bug or something,” I told her. That was the truth after all. I had thought that up until a short timeago.
“No one gets a bug for a few weeks,” she griped at me. “You need to go to the doctor as soon as possible. Is there a non-emergency care facility open near you today? You should go today if possible. That’s much too long to be sick,Katana.”
She might be right. I certainly would go see someone if the test came back negative—and I guess I’d be going to the doctor if it came back positive, too. “I’m not sure if there is anything open other than the emergency room at the hospital. I don’t think this constitutes an emergency. I don’t always feel bad. I’m tired all the time and have no appetite. I’ve made myself eat little bits here and there, but sometimes it comes backup.”
“Are you drinking water?” she asked. “Because you need to drink lots of it. Even if it just comes back up, you need to keep drinking it. And you said this has been going on for a couple ofweeks?”
“Yes.” I didn’t want to tell her about it, but I’d lost five pounds in the week following Halloween, and I’d lost five more in last five days. My ribs were beginning to show, as were myhipbones.
Then she gave me some helpful advice. “You need to get those drinks that elderly people drink to keep their nutrientsup.”
“Oh, I forgot about those things. My foster parents, Mr. and Mrs. Baker, used to drink those. I recall liking them when I tasted them once. I got in trouble for doing that, but at least I know I like them.” Sitting back, I put my hand on my stomach, as if I would even be able to feel a tiny little embryo at that point if I waspreggo.
I wasn’t a kid. At twenty-four, I felt mature enough to have a child. Things would work great with my job, so I could stay home to raise him or her. There wasn’t much to fear. Except having to do it allalone.
Would Nix want to be there for the baby? Would he want to be there forme?
“You should go out and buy some of those right away. If you’ve been sick that long I bet you’re losing weight, aren’t you?” Blyss asked with a knowing tone in hervoice.
“A little. I promise I’ll pick some up. And I’ll go to the doctor.” I would do that, one way or the other. If I was knocked up, then I’d have to, and if not, then I’d have to see what the hell was wrong with me. It couldn’t just bedepression.
I wasn’t sure if I even had depression. The only thing I was kind of sad about was Nix. I missed him every single day. But I knew time would take care of that. I couldn’t be feeling this bad over missing him. CouldI?
And if it was that, then what could I do about it? Callhim?
I’d told him I wouldn’t be doing that. I’d signed a contract stating that I’d never try to contact anyone I encountered at theclub.
But the club was no more, as were all the contracts in their system, right? And did the contract really matter if he wanted to hear from me too? He hadn’t seemed opposed to the idea when we’d partedways.
I made a pact with myself—if I wasn’t pregnant, I’d go to the doctor. If they couldn’t find a thing wrong with me, I’d give Nix a call and see if he wanted to come for a visit. Maybe I’d test the relationship waters with him if I found out he missed me the way I had missedhim.
There were so many variablesthough.
