Page 29 of Vengeful Seduction
No. I knew it on a deep, almost instinctive level. If David had stayed, I would have given myself to him, and I had saved myself for too long to give myself to someone I barely knew.
It was too soon. Far too soon.
Or was it?
I had never had hang ups about waiting for marriage. All I had ever wanted was for it to mean something—really and truly—when I finally did it. Maybe this thing with David was new, but it definitely meant something to me.
I just didn’t know what exactly. I wanted him. When he’d had his mouth on me and when he’d slid his finger inside of me, I had almost gone insane with the desire to have him slip all the way inside of me.
Was he the one I had been waiting for? I had always assumed I would know, and something inside of me was telling me he was it. I had been saving myself for him.
On the other hand, I had seen enough of how people—men and women both—could act like idiots when they were sexually aroused. I had never been as impulsive as some girls were, but for some reason I wanted to throw caution to the wind and give in to what we both ached for.
Was David Black turning me into an idiot? Or would I be the idiot if I didn’t let myself do what I wanted so badly to do?
Slowly, I moved my hands down my body, arranging my skirt back down around my legs again. My whole body was still tingling. The orgasms he had given me had utterly blown me away and I wasn’t sure I could trust myself anymore.
My hands moved over my own body in a slow caress, just as I wanted his to do. I had never wanted anyone like I wanted him and the very intensity of the desire made me suspicious of it.
What I needed was some advice from someone who wasn’t connected to the situation. Someone who would have a clear head on the subject. It didn’t take me very long at all to figure out who.
Slowly, languorously, I reached over and snagged my phone. Through half-closed eyes, and fighting off the continuous urge to smile like an idiot, I pressed the screen beside Joan’s name and waited.
Joan was a friend who wouldn’t hesitate to tell me I was being an idiot if I was. Joan, who had never even met David and who would give me good advice, wouldn’t just tell me what she thought I wanted to hear.
It was only when she answered the phone and her voice was roughened with sleep and slight irritation that I realized it was past midnight.
“Sorry.” I could hear the sheepish tone to my voice. “I didn’t realize what time it was. I’ll hang up now and you can yell at me later.”
“Kaye?” Joan went from sounding annoyed to concerned in about half a second, which just made me wince more. I really didn’t want to worry anyone, but I could tell I had freaked her out. Of course I had. Normal people didn’t call their friends this late at night on a work night unless it was something important.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, and I had gone to hang up when I heard Joan’s voice coming clear as day through the speaker of my phone.
“Don’t you dare hang up. What’s going on? You sound strange.”
I smiled a secret little smile to myself. Strange. That was one way to put it. She’d never heard me when a man had worn me out this way before. No one had.
“Something’s happened,” I admitted, and I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. This whole experience was new to me. I had never had to confess this sort of indiscretion to a friend before. I was always the one who was there to listen to her friends talk about boys.
Joan was silent for a moment, and when she spoke she sounded incredibly sure of herself. “It’s a man. You got laid.”
I guess my silence gave me away because she gave a whoop of happiness that was so loud I actually had to hold my phone away from my ear for a second while she got herself under control.
“I didn’t sleep with him.” I pulled the tattered shreds of my dignity around myself as she chuckled knowingly. “No, I mean it. I didn’t. We …messed around, though. But no dick penetration. I didn’t have actual sex with him.”
Even through the phone, I could tell she was grinning. I could hear it in her voice. “Well, why didn’t you?” Blunt and to the point, just the way I had expected her to be. It was why I had called her, after all, to talk about this stuff.
So I rushed forward, not thinking about my words for once in my life. “I don’t know why it didn’t happen. I wanted it to,” I admitted, and my cheeks flushed a darker pink when I said it. It wasn’t the sort of confession I was used to making.
“I’ve never heard you sound like this about a guy.” Joan paused, then added, “This isn’t about sex for you, is it? Or not just sex?”
Bless her. She was pretty much doing all of the work for me. She and I had been friends for long enough and it almost seemed like she could read my mind. It was making this whole thing much easier.
“It’s not just sex,” I whispered, and it helped a lot to know I didn’t have to explain more. I didn’t have to tell her I was a virgin. Maybe she didn’t know all the details, but she didn’t have to.
She knew what a big deal this all was to me.
“Say it,” she demanded, and I forced myself to calm down and take a deep breath. For some reason, admitting all of this to myself was far less terrifying than saying it aloud, even to a friend.
