Page 61 of Velvet and Valor
June of course has no such problems. Everything she tries on looks great on her, and I tell her so. But none of it is ‘right.’ Either it’s not flattering enough, or it’s not ‘yacht chic’ enough, or it looks like something ‘she’ would wear, and since June is trying to pretend to be someone other than herself it makes everything more complicated.
So, after an hour of finding zero outfits for ourselves, Dane starts sending angry texts.
“What’s going on?” June asks.
“Oh, nothing,” I say, stuffing my phone back in my pocket. “Just Dane text-bitching at me to hurry up.”
“Text bitching?” she snorts with laughter.
“Sounds like the name for a movie.”
“It most certainly does not. Do you know how many markets you would have to censor the title in? You might as well just say you don’t want to make any money on it.”
“Okay, but you have to admit it’s funny.”
She entwines her arm with mine and leans her head on my shoulder.
“I admit, it’s funny.”
I had a weird impulse to just spend the rest of the day in that fading mall with her. I’d never had this experience before, this normalcy of spending time with a woman you’re crazy about in a conventional setting.
I used to make fun of guys who walked around the mall with their women like a dog on a leash. Now, I think they might have been onto something.
“This is nice,” I say before I can stop myself.
“What?” June says.
“Nothing,” I reply.
She gives me a sour look.
“Axel, it’s okay. You’re allowed to express emotion from time to time.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I need to stop being a coward.” I sigh and brace myself. It’s harder to say the words than I thought it would be. “This is nice. That’s all I said. Nothing profound or anything.”
“It’s more profound than you think it is,” June says.
“Yeah, but…”
We stop under the lights of an artificial tree outside of a store specializing in bulk candy. A couple of kids rush past us, running so hard and fast they’re spilling candy in their wake. We watch them pass, amused for a moment.
“But what?” June says when the kids disappear around the corner. She’s not letting me off the hook that easy.
“You’re just like this worldly, educated…sophisticated woman,” I say. “And I’m a beer drinking, pizza munching grunt who likes those fast and furious car movies. What could you possibly see in a guy like me?”
“You’re selling yourself short,” she says. “I think you need to find a balance between ‘I can do anything because I’m god’s gift’ and ‘I’m not good enough because I’m just a grunt.’ Sometimes you have to react instead of act, because that’s what soldiers are trained to do, but…you’re at your best when you use your head, Axel. I just think you should remember that. You’re way smarter than you give yourself credit for.”
Her words make me feel better inside, because they sound sincere.
“You really think I’m smart?”
“Don’t let it go to your head,” she groans, rolling her eyes. “Being smart is one thing, actually using that intelligence for something productive is another. You’re capable of more than you think you are, Axel.”
“So are you,” I say. “There are a lot of people who would fall apart in the situation you’re in. You could just chill in policecustody somewhere until this is over, but you’re out trying to solve the problem.”
She snorts with self derision.
“Axel, I’m just too stubborn to give up the life I’ve worked so hard to build because some random accident got me embroiled with all of this chaos. I’m probably being foolish and should have taken protective custody instead of gallivanting around, trying to solve the problem on my own.”
