Page 44 of Velvet and Valor
That’s good, because fried chicken is only good when it’s still crispy. For a time, all Axel and I talk about is the food and how good it is.
“I’ve never had rice this good before,” Axel says. “I could just douse it with this chicken sauce.”
“Don’t hog the good stuff,” I say, rescuing a plastic cup before he empties it entirely onto his dish.
His eyes shine in the afternoon light streaming through the windows. Axel is easy to look at. I just want to sigh whenever hiseyes look like that. For some reason, I find him easy to talk to, as well, despite our divergent backgrounds.
“So,” Axel says, wiping his mouth, “how does it feel to be the gatekeeper of people’s hopes and dreams?”
“What?” I laugh, though I’m as confused as amused. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well, there’s all kinds of people who want their films in theaters, and you have the power to make that happen with the stroke of a pen.” He shrugs. “I’m just saying, you’re the arbiter of people’s futures.”
“Okay, you're giving me way too much credit,” I say, holding up my hand, palm out. “First of all, I don’t own the studio by myself. Second, a small studio like us needs to convince theaters to give us screen time instead of the latest superhero flick, so we have to keep that in mind while selecting projects. And finally, it’s not like there aren’t other studios they could submit their properties to.”
“Fair enough,” Axel says. “So, what are your hopes and dreams, then?”
“Um,” I say anxiously. “Wasn’t expecting that question…oh man, I don’t know!”
I laugh helplessly.
“You don’t want to be the next big-shot Hollywood producer?” Axel asks.
“Not really. I just want to create a legacy with our studio, something that will be around after I’m gone.” I can’t quite look him in the eyes when I say the next part. “And I suppose someday I want to settle down and start a family. Basic stuff, I know.”
“Nah, it’s not really basic,” he says. “And I totally get wanting to leave behind a legacy. I mean, not for me, but I get why you would want to.”
I cock an eyebrow at him.
“Let’s swing the pendulum your way, Axel,” I say. “What are YOUR dreams, hopes, and aspirations?”
“You mean besides being the oil rub down boy at the bikini competition?” he asks.
I roll my eyes and groan.
“Be serious for a second, Axel.”
He shrugs, his face getting that slack, ‘the hell do I care?’ look on it. The one I can’t stand.
“I am being serious,” he says.
“Axel, come on, even you have to have some kind of dream. Even if it’s just surfing the perfect tasty curl.”
“Eh, surfing’s all right, but I’m not that into it,” he says, again shrugging as if the future and our dreams for it don’t really matter. “I’m just a chill guy who doesn’t give a fuck, you know?”
“I don’t buy that, not for a minute,” I say, shaking my head. “Maybe you’ve got all your friends at the Security office convinced that you’re this shallow, immature guy, but you’ve accidentally shown your hand.”
Axel blows out a long sigh, his face losing the slacker expression, but something worse replaces it. Anger. Not quite a hot rage, more like a seething resentment.
“I’ll tell you why I don’t bother with plans for the future,” Axel says, his eyes and voice growing dark. “I’ve seen too much. I’ve been to and fought in just about every armpit in the world. I’m talking about places where human life is lower than a roll of toilet paper. Fat cat corporations enrich themselves while people struggle in poverty.Someof the people I took out needed to go. No question about that. But at the end of the day, you wonder if any of it makes a bit of difference.”
“There’s always hope things can get better, Axel,” I say softly, hurt by his words. But even more, I feel sorry for him if this is truly what he believes.
“No, I don’t think that there is,” he says deadpan, shaking his head. “I really don’t think there is. What’s the point of making future plans, or starting a family, when the next god-awful catastrophe could happen next week? Or tomorrow. Or ten minutes from now.”
I sigh. “Axel, making movies isn’t just about the glam and the box office returns. It’s about…it’s about understanding and celebrating the things that make us human.” I purse my lips into a frown. “This…despondency from you is heartbreaking.”
“I’m sorry,” he says stiffly. “Some of us have to live in the real world, and not Hollywood. Nothing in this world that’s good can last.”
