Page 19 of Milo
Isidora
The light knocking on the door is what startled me from my nap. I still have jet lag even on the fourth day of being in Greece.
I climb off the couch to go check the door. “Andrei, you have the bladder the size of a pea!”
“Yep!” A voice calls from the other side of the door.
I unlock it and am immediately pushed back by Jamar. His forearm is pressed against my neck and he’s squeezing the air out of me.
“How could you do that to me? You want to know what my asshole dad did? He raped me for years! He raped me and everyone in the family knew about it. My mom did nothing to protect me and my sisters acted as if I was the problem. That I must have been gay for allowing my dad to do that to me.”
I shake my head trying to get him to free his arm a little. “I can’t breathe!” I mutter.
“You say you’re a shrink, I need you to shrink me,” he pushes away from me and paces the living room. I see the gun in his hand and he’s having a psychotic break.
“What would you like me to do? I’m sorry no one helped you,” I reply on a wheezy breath. I’m trying to get the air back into my lungs.
“You make this shit get out of my head. I can’t have those images in my head anymore.”
“What happened the night you killed them?” I’m standing far enough away from him so he would have to walk to get me. I’m not stupid enough to let him attack me again.
“My mom said it was my fault my dad didn’t want to touch her. It was my fault for being a dirty boy who let their father rape him. It wasn’t my fault. I was only ten! I didn’t know what was happening. The night I killed them was the night my dad raped me again and then bruised me. I needed to go to the hospital because I was bleeding but my mom wouldn’t take me.”
“What did your sisters do?”
“They just stood there and watched. They didn’t care I was being raped. They didn’t care anything about me. They just wanted to watch television.”
“Then what happened?”
He paces around the living room with his finger still pressing on the trigger. “Then, my dad tried to brush it off again. I couldn’t handle it. I shot them both and then stabbed them. My sisters watched in horror but I had to kill her, too. I didn’t want anyone to be alive who would know the secret.”
“So, you want to forget? Have you talked to a therapist at the prison?”
He shakes his head. “No one talks to them. They try to push pills down your throat.”
“Well, you got out of prison. What is your plan?”
“You have to find a way to get these images out of my head. Right now!”
“Can you think of something that could make you happy? Do you have any happy memory?”
Jamar’s shoulders start to rise and fall with his breathing. “I don’t have any happy memory. Everything is blurry in my head. I need to get these images out. I can’t figure out how to get them erased.”
I walk up towards him to try and comfort him. My hand is raised to touch his shoulder but he shakes me off.
“You don’t want to touch me. I’m dirty.”
“You didn’t do anything to cause this. Your dad was the reason why you did it.” I’m trying to reason with him.
“Stop! You’re fucking with my mind. I don’t need you messing with my mind.”
“Jamar,” I begin, “a lot of things happen in a family. You didn’t do anything wrong to cause your father raping you.”
Jamar falls to his knees and sobs. “I killed them. I killed them!”
The door to the home swings open showing me Milo and Octavious standing there.
I put my hands up to stop them from doing something stupid. “Don’t!” I warn.
