Page 82 of To Go Against Her Heart
“I see,” Darcy said and turned around to leave, but Jane called out to him.
“Mr. Darcy, if you could spare a few moments, I have something I wish to say to you.”
Though surprised, Darcy wondered if it was something related to Elizabeth.
“I would not be so grateful and happy in my engagement to Mr. Bingley were it not for you and Elizabeth. I have thanked her many times, but I have not yet had the chance to express my gratitude to you in the same way. Allow me, therefore, to expressmy sincere gratitude for the role you have played in bringing about my union with your friend.”
“As gratified as I am to understand your sentiments, you owe me nothing Miss Bennet. I merely did what was right, and you have made my friend a very happy man by accepting his proposal,” Darcy said, and he was unable to hold his words, “Forgive me, is Eli…Miss Elizabeth in good health?” he asked wanting to know how she fared.
“She is, as much as her mind would allow her to be,” she said, witnessing the pain in his eyes.
“Since the moment I arrived in town, I have been most impatient to see you. I am aware of everything that transpired at the ball and later your proposal,” she said, much to Darcy’s shock.
“Mr. Darcy, my sister has felt lost ever since she returned to Longbourn; having known her since she was born, I have always witnessed her strength and courage, and it is a quality I have admired and often envied in her. Now I see a woman who is constantly struggling to come to terms with her own decisions. We have never argued before, but since I became aware that she rejected your proposal, I have been most angry with her.”
“You must know your sister better than I, and as painful as it is for me to endure, she said everything possible to make her sentiments clear.”
“Do you believe her?” she asked bluntly, much to Darcy’s astonishment.
“I don’t, and I know in her heart she has a place for me, but she does not trust me. She does not trust me enough to take this step along with me towards her future, and I can honestly deem it my own failing.”
“There is something you should know about her association with Mr. Harrington: she was not just courted by him, but they were engaged.”
“Good Lord!” Darcy cried in horror. Jane quickly explained the nature of their engagement, as to how Mr. Harrington had asked Elizabeth to keep it a secret, and no one except her aunt and Jane were aware of it. She revealed how devastated her sister was when Mr. Harrington broke the engagement, citing his need for money.
“Even before she met you, she had perceived that the gentleman never deserved her affections; yet she was furious with herself for allowing her heart to become so entangled. I have witnessed her torment every day. Almost the entire village knew someone in town courted her, and gossip followed her at every gathering. Not to mention, our own mother showed little understanding towards her. When she refused Mr. Collins, my mother was positively furious, insisting she was too arrogant to reject him and that no one would ever offer for her again. And finally, when she met you again in town, it took her great strength to set aside her own inhibitions and trust her own heart once more—only to suffer the cruel shock of encountering Mr. Harrington at the ball.”
“I would have killed him had I known how far he played with her feelings. I cannot believe he was engaged to her, and surely, she must know that I would not waver in my sentiments because of it. She could have revealed this to me when I proposed. Why did she inflict this misery on us both?”
“Honestly, she appears to feel guilty for not disclosing about Mr. Harrington to you earlier, and maybe the fateful encounter that night lingers in her mind as something of that sort could happen in the future. With Mr. Harrington being acquainted with you already and you aunt also, everything is weighing down in her mind,” she said and noticed Darcy looking unconvinced.
“If you look at it from her point of view, she is trying to protect you in her own way, and you must know why.”
Because she loves me as well.
“I have failed miserably to reason with her, and her current state of distress alarms me. Though she rejected you quite convincingly, the mere thought of facing you again terrifies her. That is the reason she did not accompany us here, and I am even more troubled by what she said before I left,” Jane confessed and hesitated to continue.
“Miss Bennet, I am in no condition to suffer further torment than I already have. I beg you—pray, tell me, what did she say?”
Jane drew in a breath and recounted how Elizabeth had threatened to absent herself from the engagement party, and, thereafter, what she had declared concerning her attendance as Jane’s bridesmaid.
And the moment her words reached his ears, Darcy felt an unsummoned emotion rise in his heart—rage—and, to his own astonishment, it was directed at none other than thewomanhe loved.
Chapter 34
Mrs. Hill had been employed with the Bennet family for many years and had witnessed the birth of all their children, except Jane. To her, it was not merely an employment; the Bennets were the closest she had to her own family. Widowed at a young age, she had helped to raise the Bennet girls as if they were her own, her particular favorites being the two eldest daughters. As delighted as she was with Jane’s engagement, she was equally concerned by Elizabeth’s evident distress since her return from town. That morning, despite all her urging, Elizabeth had refused to break her fast.
“I have no appetite, Mrs. Hill, and pray do not waste your time,” Elizabeth replied when she was pressed again.
“Your father left early today; I believe he has some business with Mr. Phillips, and he asked me to inform you that he would not be present to break his fast.”
“I see, I shall eat if I wish to,” she said, immersing herself in her book again, and Mrs. Hill left the library, wondering if she would ever see the girl whose spirit always brightened the entire household.
As Mrs. Bennet had instructed her to rearrange several pieces of furniture and change all the curtains before her return, she found herself fully occupied that morning. She was therefore much surprised by the sudden arrival of a visitor, none other than Darcy, who claimed to see Elizabeth. He looked ghastly, and from his appearance it seemed he had ridden from town that very morning.
“Sir, Miss Elizabeth is in the library. I can ask her if she wishes to see you, as her father is currently away,” she said.
“There is no need as I must meet her at once. Kindly excuse me,” he said, and, without waiting for a reply, strode towards the library, leaving her quite perplexed by his actions. When Elizabeth heard the door open, she assumed it was the kind housekeeper again.
