Page 8 of To Go Against Her Heart
“I do not know why he chose to apologize to me. He assumes I care about his opinion, but why would I? I wish I had walked away without listening to him.”
Jane did not reply, and her silence worried Elizabeth.
“Jane, would you not say something?”
“Don’t you think you were a little harsh on him?”
“How so?”
“Do not suppose that I credit the man merely for offering an apology despite his elevated station in society. Yet I believe his apology was sincere as I cannot attribute his conduct yesterday solely to pride. He appeared somehow uneasy—perhaps it was tiresome to attend the assembly not knowing anyone in the gathering beyond his own party.”
“You are being ridiculous. He is not a schoolboy. I think he saw us all as beneath his status, which might be why he behaved in such a way.”
“Very well then, the man we term as arrogant and ill-mannered due to pride and wealth has taken the effort to humble himself and apologize for his actions; I think you should have forgiven him or at least been civil.”
Elizabeth was astonished at what her sister said, as Jane had hardly been critical of her actions before.
“Don’t look at me like that. I think you are prejudiced against Mr. Darcy. I agree that he did something ungentlemanly, but I do not want to discredit his apology. As he reasoned, you were surrounded by all of us when you both were introduced; I do not think any man would have had the courage to bring up the subject in front of us, especially in Mamma’s presence.”
Elizabeth was silent, and Jane could only hope that her sister would perceive her mistake.
“Please do not assume I have any ulterior motive in persuading you on this matter merely because of my regard for his friend.”
“I could never accuse you of such a thing.”
“Then, give it a thought, Lizzy. I have always admired your kindness, and if you had shown him some today, it would have put the man at ease,” she said and left downstairs, hoping her sister would regret her actions.
Meanwhile, the man Jane referred to was seated upon the same ledge as Elizabeth had, unable to stir from the spot. Her words tormented him beyond measure.
She did not even consider my apology. How did I become so unworthy in her eyes? She attributes my arrogance to my wealth and status. Was I indeed so uncivil to everyone yesterday? I have unknowingly sabotaged my reputation here in my first public appearance. Maybe she is right; I have allowed Georgiana’s mistake to become an excuse for my ill temper. Even with Bingley, I have not been myself, andhe is too generous not to remark upon it.And yet, she neverhesitated to make my failings plainly known to my very face. She states she never thought of herself as a beauty; how ironic as she is the most intriguing woman I have ever met.
He fervently wished he had taken Mr. Bingley’s advice and asked Elizabeth for the dance. Darcy pondered how differently the evening might have unfolded had he made that choice. He also understood that, more than his insult, she disliked him because of how he had behaved with the rest of the people he met the previous evening. As she had pointed out, he avoided anyone who wanted to converse with him and had excused himself multiple times to escape to the comfort of his own party.
He looked at the view ahead, and as his friend had mentioned, it was beautiful. The morning sun glorified the trees and fields, radiating the day’s beauty. Darcy suddenly realized that it had been ages since he appreciated the beauty of nature around him. Even in Derbyshire, though he rode out often, he had hardly ever stopped by a stream or a field filled with flowers in admiration. He realized that he had become a markedly different man since Ramsgate, and the truth was that a complete stranger had pointed it out to him quite bluntly.
He shut his eyes, finding solace in the vision of Miss Elizabeth’s face lingering in his mind. Her beautiful eyes resonated with her emotions soulfully, and he had never felt so vulnerable in a woman’s presence before. He found her genuinely enchanting, and it pained him beyond measure that she did not accept his apology. Darcy was certain they would meet again and wondered how she would treat him then. She impressed him in more ways than one, and he could not help but recall Richard’s words of hope that he would find his bride in Hertfordshire.
***
A couple of days passed, and Darcy felt restless in Netherfield. Mr. Bingley knew of his accidental meeting with Elizabethand his friend’s subsequent apology. Having full knowledge of Darcy’s inability to converse amiably with new acquaintances, he was pleasantly surprised that he had apologized to her without hesitation.
“Do not be so forlorn, Darcy. You did the right thing, and although I do not know why she doubted the nature of your apology, I am glad that you took the opportunity to express your regret.”
“She somehow seemed irked with my apology, citing that my words did not matter to her.”
“She may feel so, but what you said at the assembly was beneath you, and in my eyes, you acted rightly in offering the apology. In the few times I have met Miss Elizabeth, she never appeared rude, but I cannot fathom why she behaved thus.”
“You cannot blame her, Bingley. I did not expect her to forgive me, but one thing is clear: she despises me.”
Mr. Bingley suddenly worried whether Elizabeth’s temperament would hinder his prospects with her sister, and Darcy sensed his feelings. He hoped her animosity would not be long-lasting and looked forward to attending the supper party at Mr. Phillips’s house a few days later; he knew that Mr. Phillips was Elizabeth’s uncle and was confident she would be present. Darcy could not imagine how she would react or converse with him, but he was willing to endure her anger as long as she gave him a chance to prove that he could change.
To his disappointment, Miss Elizabeth was absent for the evening. He understood that she had stayed at home due to a headache, but from the expression on Miss Bennet’s face, he doubted whether the reason was true.
I am certain she stayed behind to avoid me.
There were a couple of other families apart from the Bennets, and Darcy was resolved not to avoid anyone who wished to converse with him. Sir William was surprised by the change inhis behavior; he paused several times during his conversation with Darcy, looking at him in disbelief.
She is right indeed; he is surprised that I would even care to carry on a conversation with him amiably. How long would I have continued this way if not for her?Darcy wondered.
