Page 78 of To Go Against Her Heart
“Nothing is too late, you will meet him again, and you can sort this out. Yes, you were engaged, but you did not break the engagement; Mr. Harrington did, and you are not at fault. If he ever attempts to manipulate anyone, he will be caught in his own lies. Nobody will believe him.”
“You know the world does not operate thus. I am convinced that what instigated Mr. Harrington on that day was his full knowledge of Mr. Darcy’s regard for me. The man confessed, without shame, that his sentiments were still intact, and I trust he would go to any lengths to tarnish my name.It is far from my wish that Mr. Darcy should suffer the consequences of a misfortune I have brought upon myself.”
“I believe you have already made him suffer by rejecting him and making him believe that you do not care about him. It was cruel of you, and I did not believe you were capable of hurting the people you love,” she said with displeasure laced in her words.
To this, Elizabeth began to sob again, her face buried in her pillow; she knew that it would never be easy for Darcy to forget her and that she had wounded him forever with the only excuse she had in the name of protecting him.
Jane permitted her sister to cry, while she was deep in thought. She wondered if Elizabeth’s irrational actions could ever be justified; she had put herself and the man she loved in equal torment.
Sensing that Elizabeth was in no temperament to discuss her actions further, Jane blew out the candles, and they stayed silent for the rest of the night.
The next morning, they found themselves tormented by an awkward silence, unfamiliar and unwelcome, until at last Jane broke the iciness.
“Lizzy, I apologize for not understanding you. In the past, however irrational I have been in my actions regarding Mr. Bingley, you have always supported me and been a pillar of strength. If I find myself happy now, I owe it entirely to you. My anger last night arose because I felt that the sister who has been a source of strength and courage to me and our family has failed to apply that same to herself,” she said.
“When was I ever brave? At first, I miserably failed to find the strength to forget the sentiments I bore for the man who never deserved my love or respect. Most of all, I lacked the courage to trust my own heart again. Since the day I met Mr. Darcy, I have struggled greatly to break free from the well of torment in which I was drowning. It was because of him, his unwavering love and care, that I chose to trust myself once more, until that fateful evening at the ball. You may argue that Mr. Harrington would never seek me out again or trouble me further, but should he do so, I fear it would end in nothing but ruin.”
“You may inform Mr. Darcy of your engagement; you have done no wrong, and, in truth, no one else is aware of it. I am certain Lady Matlock would not hold it against you, and why should you believe that Mr. Darcy would forsake you?”
“He will not, Jane, and I would be a fool not to acknowledge it. But it is too late to amend my mistakes, and I do not wish to dwell upon what might change were I to confess my engagement to him. The moment has passed, and I cannot undo what I said, nor do I wish to entertain the thought that, despite all my deliberate actions to hurt him, he might still regard me with the same esteem.”
Jane tried to convince her sister that if she were to meet him again, everything could be resolved. But Elizabeth was adamant against entertaining such a thought. Feeling helpless, Jane wondered whether Mr. Bingley might, in some way, assist in bringing about a union between his most trusted friend and Elizabeth.
The same day, Charlotte called on Elizabeth, and Jane excused herself, leaving the two friends alone. As the conversation circled around Darcy, Charlotte suspected something was amiss.
“You wrote to me about the ball you were invited to by Lady Matlock. How was the evening? I am certain you met most of his acquaintances,” she enquired.
“I had a pleasant time, I assure you!” Elizabeth replied.
“Are you concealing something from me?” Charlotte asked with suspicion.
“No, why would I?”
“Because I know you, Lizzy. Something is amiss, and if I am not mistaken, it concerns Mr. Darcy. From your letters, I gathered that you gave him leave to call on you, and, quite honestly, you seemed to take great pleasure in your time spent with his sister.”
“I did, and Miss Darcy is an amiable young woman.”
“And her brother?”
“What is it you wish to know? I suggest you ask me openly.”
“I have no qualms in asking you this openly, though I do wonder whether you will answer me with sincerity. Did Mr. Darcy declare his attachment to you?” she asked, and Elizabeth remained silent. She did not wish to lie to her dearest friend, yet she was equally reluctant to discuss a subject that might provoke an outburst from Charlotte, mirroring the one with Jane the previous night.
“Your silence, Lizzy, speaks more plainly than words. I know not what passed between you and Mr. Darcy, but your eyes are brimming with guilt. For once, I wish you would set aside your fears and trust the man you love,” she said, much to Elizabeth’s astonishment.
***
It had been a week since Elizabeth’s departure from town, and Georgiana observed that her brother was in one of his darkest moods. He appeared withdrawn and informed her of his intention to depart for Derbyshire after Mr. Bingley’s wedding.
Georgiana was confused as she did not understand what had caused the separation between her brother and Elizabeth. As for Darcy, he was unable to recognize the man he had become after his last conversation with her. He felt lifeless, a kind of eerie silence engulfing him, for he had no answer as to why she had rejected him based on such utter falsehood.
I know that she loves me, but why did she try so hard to make me believe otherwise? How did she not trust me to protect her from the past?
He questioned himself again and again until his own thoughts tired him. He replayed in his mind the horror he had witnessed in Elizabeth’s eyes when she was discovered with Mr. Harrington, and he had heard enough to comprehend that Mr. Harrington regarded her as nothing more than an object that had slipped from his grasp.But Darcy was firm in his resolve; he would not let the rogue escape with nothing more than the warning given that night. He wanted to ensure that the man would never again cross paths with Elizabeth, nor have the chance to do her harm. When he looked at Georgiana, he perceived that, despite all the assurances he had given her about Wickham, she remained tormented by the prospect of him reappearing in her life. In truth, Captain Forster and Darcy had kept a close watch upon Wickham in town through their various sources; and, a month past, the man in question had fled the country, unable to endure a life in town devoid of connections, money, and a proper employment due to his reputation. Darcy now realized that Elizabeth might be tormented by the same fear as his sister and wanted to protect her.
With much contemplation, he decided to seek Richard’s help in the matter.
“Good Lord! Why did you allow him to get away that evening? You ought to have exposed him at the ball,” Richard exclaimed upon hearing his cousin recount the events of that night; yetDarcy refrained from mentioning Elizabeth’s past acquaintance with the man.
